Wedding Rings

Asking Guests to Stay for Pictures

Question:

This whole issue of timing is very pertinent to me right now. We are not having birdseed or rice (the place we’re getting married forbids rice and only allows ‘nongerminating’ birdseed), but we decided to have bubbles instead. We thought that it would be a lot more fun, unusual, and great for photos. Anyhow, I think that we ought to have the bubble action after the ceremony, but then, we’ll have to have the after-pictures too. So, should we ‘leave’ the ceremony (and how do we distribute the bubbles to the guests? when they arrive?) and have the guests blow bubbles; return to the site and have photos while the guests head to the reception? But when/where do we have a receiving line if the guests have already arrived at the reception before us?

Response:

>The last wedding I was at, the couple emerged from the church after 45 >mins. or so of pictures after the ceremony only to find that about 20 >people, of the 180 that showed up, were waiting outside the church to >rain birdseed on them. I was disappointed for them and on speaking with >them after the honeymoon they said they were also a bit upset.

Sounds like they did a poor job of planning and had some unrealistic expectations.  What did their invitation say?  If it said "Reception immediately following" then no wonder the guests took off.  If it listed a time, people probably figured they were free until then.  Personally, I wouldn’t stand outside for 45 minutes waiting!  Usually people end up chatting for a while, and then drift off and go to the reception. >It seemed as if the guests cared much more about getting to the >reception (to get a good table, one guest said) than the actual reason >for the day..A Wedding!!!

This was *after* the wedding.  Had they all received and accepted invitations to a photo session, it would’ve been rude of them to leave.   >Anyway, I want to avoid being left at the church by all our guests. My >mom said that she has been to 3 weddings where the officiant at the end >of the ceremony announces that the bride & groom and there parents   >invite all the guests to stay and enjoy the picture taking. Basically >giving the big hint that its not cool if they take off just yet.

I don’t think it’s cool to ask people to stand around for 45 minutes, and I personally wouldn’t find a 45-minute photo session enjoyable (that’s me — others might feel differently — I’m known to be impatient w/ photo sessions). Check w/ your photographer, also.  All those people chatting in the background and snapping flash pictures may make his/her job more difficult (and more time-consuming).   >Has anyone done this or plan to?? Is etiquette involved (when isn’t it!)? >I would hate to walk out to an empty parking lot and a full basket of birdseed!

That’s fine, but you should consider your guests, too.  Plan it such that you can do the birdseed thing without having everyone wait around for a long time.  There might not be a specific rule of etiquette for this, but it seems a little selfish to me.   You can always have your attendants hand people birdseed as they exit, and then you and your new husband can run out through the birdseed, jump into your limo (or whatever) and drive around for a 5-minute smooching session — then go back to the church (through an inconspicuous door) for your pictures.  If you’re worried about having seed stuck in your hair for pictures, use those tightly curled, skinny streamers instead.   Or, you could have people throw birdseed when you leave the reception.   Or, you could do photos before the wedding, and then when you run through the rice right after the ceremony, you can jump into your getaway vehicle and go right to the reception — have somebody announce to your guests to do the same.   These ideas may involve a bit of compromise, but that’s the name of the game in wedding planning.  Decide what’s most important to you, make sure it jives with your guests’ comfort, and don’t be surprised if you have to give up a less important wish to get a more important one. Chris

Response:

>This whole issue of timing is very pertinent to me right now. >We are not having birdseed or rice (the place we’re getting married >forbids rice and only allows ‘nongerminating’ birdseed), but we >decided to have bubbles instead. We thought that it would be a >lot more fun, unusual, and great for photos. Anyhow, I think >that we ought to have the bubble action after the ceremony, but >then, we’ll have to have the after-pictures too. >So, should we ‘leave’ the ceremony (and how do we distribute the >bubbles to the guests? when they arrive?) and have the guests blow >bubbles; return to the site and have photos while the guests head >to the reception? But when/where do we have a receiving line if the >guests have already arrived at the reception before us?

        Well, you can do bubbles after the ceremony or as you leave the reception. If you do bubbles after the ceremony, I’d probably guess the following:         – have ushers pass out bubbles and put instructions on           the bottle or in the program         – leave the ceremony immediately to be bubbled and           return later for photos         – try to arrange for two areas at the reception–one           for the cocktail hour and then herd them through           the receiving line into the main area for the           remainder of the reception.  It gives a nice           change of venue and you’ll have food (and maybe           music?) on both sides, so you can gather small           groups to the receiving line in bunches so that           people don’t have to stand in line or be deprived           of food and drink for a long time. If you do the bubbles as you leave the reception, you could:         – hand out bubbles (with instructions) at the tables           or have someone hand them out just prior to your           leavetaking         – not worry about bubble solution showing on your           clothing for the after ceremony portraits           (You could actually get bubbled wearing your           going away clothes, if you were particularly           worried about staining.)         – you’d still have the problem with the receiving           line, and the same solution would apply If you can’t get two areas for the reception (like a foyer and larger room or a garden and room or whatever), then I’d probably suggest one of two things.  Either bag the traditional receiving line and make it a point to drop by to chat briefly with everyone (maybe during dinner if you’re having a meal) or have a traditional receiving line and have the staff invite people to go through it in small groups.  You might miss inviting some people, but they’ll see what’s going on and toddle through the line on their own if they want to. Ericka

Response:

> [Mark Goldbergs incredibly-sensible-but-I-can't-get-my-fiance-to-listen

        to-them remarks about when to take pictures for the wedding deleted] – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> We are getting married in a hotel.  The rooms for the ceremony, > cocktail hour and reception are along the same hallway on the > second floor.  The rooms are on one side and the other side is > all windows overlooking the Charles River and Boston.  We will > be going outside to take pictures next to the river.  I figure > people will go into the cocktail room, get a drink and some fooe, > (that’s "food" I can’t back up, and it drives me insane) and > then go back out into the hall by the windows to watch either > us getting our pictures taken or the view.  No waiting, just > feeding and socializing. > Anyone sense any snafus with that scenario? > –Teri (and Steve) > Monday October 3, 1994

Not a one!  We are doing something very similar.  The reception site for us is about 1/2 hour from the church. Hopefully we will have a nice day and will be taking pictures outside about 100 yards from the actual site. There are windows so people can see where we are at while they take advantage of the cocktail hour (it’s a full Mass, I’d like to give them a little breathing room!).  Fortunately for us, we’ve hired a very sensible photographer (since I couldn’t get Tina to listen to Mark Goldberg’s advice. who agrees with getting the pictures done quickly.   To help with this, we are piling the entire wedding party into the two limos we rented.  This keeps them together. My parents and Tina’s relatives know exactly where to go and they will also be following us.  Our photographer does the large group shots first and then sends people on their merry way to the cocktail hour.  The last two to go will be Tina and I which will allow for a few more shots. He has told us that it will be 30 minutes (approx) to do all the shots and most of that I think will be determined by how many shots of us we want.   I can live with this.  The guests get to get a bite to eat and a couple of drinks, we get our pictures done and we walk in about 35-40 minutes after the guests get there.  I don’t think that’s too long to ask. Rick & Tina Saturday June 11, 1994 (Oh my God!!!!  17 days!!!) — Rick Savoia                     | "I’m just very selective

Response:

>The last wedding I was at, the couple emerged from the church after 45 mins. or so of >pictures after the ceremony only to find that about 20 people, of the 180 that showed up, >were waiting outside the church to rain birdseed on them. I was disappointed for them and >on speaking with them after the honeymoon they said they were also a bit upset. >I would hate to walk out to an empty parking lot and a full basket of birdseed!

Why not just take all the pictures before the ceremony and remove the possibility of this happening.  I have always appreciated my friends who got married and took the pictures beforehand.  I didn’t wait for an hour for them to show up afterwards (IMO- although this is YOUR day, making your guests wait this long is rude). — R.W.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >We are getting married in a hotel.  The rooms for the ceremony, >cocktail hour and reception are along the same hallway on the >second floor.  The rooms are on one side and the other side is >all windows overlooking the Charles River and Boston.  We will >be going outside to take pictures next to the river.  I figure >people will go into the cocktail room, get a drink and some fooe, >(that’s "food" I can’t back up, and it drives me insane) and >then go back out into the hall by the windows to watch either >us getting our pictures taken or the view.  No waiting, just >feeding and socializing. >Anyone sense any snafus with that scenario? >–Teri (and Steve) >Monday October 3, 1994

Yes.  The main reason the guests are there are because they are honoring you by being present.  Some of your guests may not know anyone else.  Personally, time is precious, and I would definitely expect to speak to the B&G, then leave if I didn’t know anyone else. If I did know other guests, I might choose to stay and socialize. However, then it is my choice and not a forced one by the B&G not being available quickly after the ceremony for me to speak to. All IMO, of course. — R.W.

Response:

I think it is best to do the pictures BEFORE the ceremony.  If any are done after, the session should be kept under 10 minutes.  In my experience, it is NOT ADVISABLE to have guest present for this formal session. The presence of the guests distracts those posing for pictures, particularly if the guests have cameras.  The result is people looking in al directions, eyes closed in reactions to guests flashes, and a generally longer session with much poorer results.    /|/| /||)|/  /~ /| ||)[~|)/~   |   Everyone’s entitled to MY opinion.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I think it is best to do the pictures BEFORE the ceremony.  If any are >done after, the session should be kept under 10 minutes.  In my experience, >it is NOT ADVISABLE to have guest present for this formal session. >The presence of the guests distracts those posing for pictures, particularly >if the guests have cameras.  The result is people looking in al directions, >eyes closed in reactions to guests flashes, and a generally longer session >with much poorer results. >   /|/| /||)|/  /~ /| ||)[~|)/~   |   Everyone’s entitled to MY opinion.

We are getting married in a hotel.  The rooms for the ceremony, cocktail hour and reception are along the same hallway on the second floor.  The rooms are on one side and the other side is all windows overlooking the Charles River and Boston.  We will be going outside to take pictures next to the river.  I figure people will go into the cocktail room, get a drink and some fooe, (that’s "food" I can’t back up, and it drives me insane) and then go back out into the hall by the windows to watch either us getting our pictures taken or the view.  No waiting, just feeding and socializing. Anyone sense any snafus with that scenario? –Teri (and Steve) Monday October 3, 1994

Response:

>> I feel the need to ask a perhaps simplistic question here:  Can the > reception just not start until the bride and groom arrive?  Why can’t > you send the guests on and arrive a bit later? >I don’t see any problem with this at all.  In fact, at most of the weddings I >have been to this is how it was done.  Everyone understands that the bride >and groom need to get pictures, so even though you would never leave your >guests to start without you at a regular party you were hosting, I don’t >personally know anyone who considers this to be rude at a wedding.

I usually don’t mind much myself, if it’s only a 30-45 minute wait.   Last summer I went to two weddings that were held at catering halls (that mostly do weddings), and at both, the wedding party was kept in a separate room until the cocktail hour (actually, the meal in one case) was over, at the suggestion of the caterer.  I thought that stunk.   For one wedding, the wedding party (I was in it) finished pictures and arrived at the reception hall about halfway into the cocktail hour.  We freshened up, and wanted to go into the reception, but the catering staff wouldn’t let us (they’d talked the B&G into following their standard procedure).  They brought us food & drinks in a separate area, which was nice, but really, we all wanted to go in and be with the guests.  The bride was worried that the guest weren’t having a good time, so she couldn’t relax and enjoy the quiet time.  Later, we found out that the guests sat at their assigned tables during the cocktail hour, thinking the reception was soon to start, instead of mingling.  The bride was quite chagrined and embarrassed to find that out, and regretted following the caterer’s recommendation.  Fortunately, the rest of that reception went quite well.   At the second wedding, the wedding party did pictures, then hung out in their own room at the reception site until all the guests had eaten — they came in 1.5 hours into the reception.  We (the guests) did get to eat, drink, sit and listen to music, but it was a pretty long time for the B&G not to be there.   If it was just pictures at these weddings that caused the big delay in the wedding party joining the reception, that would be bad enough.  But that it was actually *planned* that way by the catering staff, and that the couples followed this suggestion really amazed and befuddled me.   Chris

Response:

I feel the need to ask a perhaps simplistic question here:  Can the reception just not start until the bride and groom arrive?  Why can’t you send the guests on and arrive a bit later? I guess perhaps that varies depending on level of formality and location of the reception (relative to the church).  We’re having our reception in the church’s fellowship hall, which is across the patio and upstairs from the sanctuary… so it never even occurred to me that there would be some problem with just sending the guests on up to start signing the guest book, eating, and listening to music. Also, instead of a receiving line we’re going to dismiss people from the pews, i.e. we’ll recess out and then Jeffry and I will go along each pew and chat and hug (briefly) and tell people to go on upstairs. We don’t anticipate the after-ceremony picture taking lasting more than 20 minutes, tops, so I don’t see any problem with this.  Am I being naive? Miriam (& Jeffry) … wondering how it is that with 3 1/2 weeks left the calendar is completely full of last-minute meetings and appointments when it’s still doubtful that I’ll have a completed gown to wear….          Miriam Hoffman       ><><><  "Laughable laughter is cataclysmic."

Response:

>We are getting married in a hotel.  The rooms for the ceremony, >cocktail hour and reception are along the same hallway on the >second floor.  The rooms are on one side and the other side is >all windows overlooking the Charles River and Boston.

Hmm, Hyatt or Sonesta?  Last time I saw pictures in front of the Hyatt, a family of white geese posed along with the bridal party.  The question is whether anyone’ll come out to feed you .  Last year, we did a wedding at the BCAE and I served hors d’oeuvres to the wedding party as they did their pictures in the Public Gardens.  First for me! >We will be going outside to take pictures next to the river.  I figure >people will go into the cocktail room, get a drink and some food, and >then go back out into the hall by the windows to watch either >us getting our pictures taken or the view.  

This shouldn’t be a problem for your guests.  I don’t remember any guest at any of the weddings we do having a problem with this type of arrangement (unless the picture session gets over an hour, and believe me, some occasionally do!).  I think it is harder on the bride and groom, but if you feel strongly about the tradition aspects, then this is the way you should do it. One suggestion I have is for you to do what some Jewish couples do right after they are married–go find someplace to be alone with the groom and have a drink and/or a bite to eat.  This also gives the bridal party a chance to do the same.  Then I’d go for the pictures.  I’d also extend the cocktail hour if I’m planning lots of pictures, so that you don’t have to be rushed into dinner and can socialize before everyone sits down for two hours. Beth Mazur

Response:

>I can live with this.  The guests get to get a bite to eat and >a couple of drinks, we get our pictures done and we walk in >about 35-40 minutes after the guests get there.  I don’t think >that’s too long to ask.

Nope, not for the guests.  But what about you?  How can you plan to get some breathing room and something to eat or drink?  Maybe you can ask the caterer or a friend to make up a care package that includes some goodies and/or cold drinks that you can consume on the ride out to the pictures. Just a thought. Beth Mazur

Response:

>I feel the need to ask a perhaps simplistic question here:  Can the >reception just not start until the bride and groom arrive?  Why can’t >you send the guests on and arrive a bit later? <snip> >We don’t anticipate the after-ceremony picture taking lasting more than >20 minutes, tops, so I don’t see any problem with this.  Am I being naive?

        Well, depending on you and your photographer the 20 minutes might be naive.  From my perspective as a guest, it seems to normally take longer than that–usually about an hour from the time I arrive at the reception to the time the B&G show up.  If it really is only 20 minutes, I would probably hardly notice–it takes me about that long to get oriented at the reception, find my table (if it’s seated), make a trip to the powder room, and so forth.         What *normally* happens, though, is that I arrive at the reception and have an hour to spend trying to chat with people I don’t know, nibbling (when I’m usually *starving* ), and thinking that if the B&G don’t arrive soon, the cake won’t be cut until 1am, by which time I’m already falling asleep on my feet.  Truly, I love my friends dearly, but weddings can be a marathon event for even the stoutest of heart, even when they’re fun!  And before someone responds to that starving comment with the fact that I should have eaten before I came, add this up:         1 hr to get ready (showered, dressed, hair, makeup)         30 min travel time         30 min to arrive early enough to the wedding         1 hr service         1 hr + for photos That’s *four* hours since my last opportunity for food, assuming that it was possible for me to eat right before getting ready (often not the case with my schedule).  Call me a wimp, but it’s often hard for me to wait that long–I get woozy.  I do try to stuff a few snacks in the car, but that doesn’t always work out either.         And while it’s true that there are things for the guests to do while the B&G are having photos taken, the party *is* in honor of the B&G and it doesn’t *feel* like it has started until they arrive.  Mostly I just feel like I’m twiddling my thumbs and waiting until then.         I’m sure I’d be feeling different if I were going to weddings of people whose families and friends I knew intimately, but more often than not I’m going to a college friend’s wedding in some other part of the country and I know very few of their family or friends.  And even if a lot of your guests *do* know each other, what about those of us who don’t?         Anyway, like I said, 20 minutes or so wouldn’t phase me in the least.  Waiting almost *two* hours (which has happened to me in the past) is tough.  I don’t want to be an ungracious guest, but waiting two hours doesn’t make me feel very welcome. Not that I’d ever *say* anything, of course, or even let it affect the friendship.  I just make the best of it, but I sure do appreciate those hosts who minimize that time! Ericka

Response:

There is another side to wedding pix after the wedding, at the altar. If you wait until the reception, sometimes you NEVER get the groups together again–0someone is out for a smoke, someone ’s in teh john, etc. etc. It has worked better for me, a photographer to do what everyone is expecting, take an hour for altar shots and let the guests take their time going to reception and mingling. My first wedding, the very first, the bride and groom’s family never got together for a picture and there were very few nice ones of the couple alone cause they were young and were so anxious to get to the reception. Planning ahead is the key! Kg — K.S. Gorenz Illinois Valley Community College 815 N. Orlando Smith Rd. Oglesby, IL 61348-9691

Response:

another important thing that i put on my brochures: tell relatives AHEAD of time that they are wanted (when they are wanted) for pictures (ie at the altar right after wedding) It saves a lot of time and fuss–even grandparents have been known to screw this up. Tell them before that day and it is less hectic. kg — K.S. Gorenz Illinois Valley Community College 815 N. Orlando Smith Rd. Oglesby, IL 61348-9691

Response:

another thing! I had a private wedding ceremony at 10 a.m. and had guests arrive at noon at the country club…. I didn’t want to be nervous on the special day…. and I felt the majority of people didn’t care if they saw us get married anyways (early 20s then)… the groom didn’t mind, his friends just wanted to party anyways and we lived 70 miles apart so it was easier for everyone… so  we had plenty of pix time–got a lot of nice ones bye by a professional and then had another photographer codme to reception and shoot pix (and she gave us the negs). kg — K.S. Gorenz Illinois Valley Community College 815 N. Orlando Smith Rd. Oglesby, IL 61348-9691

Response:

>This whole issue of timing is very pertinent to me right now.  <…> >that we ought to have the bubble action after the ceremony, but >then, we’ll have to have the after-pictures too. >So, should we ‘leave’ the ceremony (and how do we distribute the >bubbles to the guests? when they arrive?) and have the guests blow >bubbles; return to the site and have photos while the guests head >to the reception? But when/where do we have a receiving line if the >guests have already arrived at the reception before us?

One thing that you could do is have a receiving line at the ceremony.  You could form the receiving line as you end the processional.  The guests could then walk out of the ceremony, you could greet them, etc.  You can have people pass the bubbles out as your guests walk away from the receiving line.  They can also be told where to wait for your exit.  Then you can "leave" the ceremony and do the bubbles.  While your guests begin to leave for the reception, you can get some pictures of you and your new husband by (or in) the getaway car, and any outdoor shots.  Then you can go back to the ceremony site and get those pictures.  Something like this would avoid having your guests wait too long for you to exit. If you do not want to have the receiving line at the ceremony, you can do all of the above without it (instead you can have a helper pass the bubbles out as everyone leaves the ceremony. Hope this helps. Maria (and Stephen) September 10, 1994

Response:

> I feel the need to ask a perhaps simplistic question here:  Can the > reception just not start until the bride and groom arrive?  Why can’t > you send the guests on and arrive a bit later? >          Miriam Hoffman       ><><><  "Laughable laughter is cataclysmic."

I don’t see any problem with this at all.  In fact, at most of the weddings I have been to this is how it was done.  Everyone understands that the bride and groom need to get pictures, so even though you would never leave your guests to start without you at a regular party you were hosting, I don’t personally know anyone who considers this to be rude at a wedding. Make sure that everyone knows how to get there and that you have a trusted family member or friend to circulate as substitute host/-ess while you are gone.  While you are getting your pictures, your guests have time to have a cocktail, chat a bit, and find their seats before you arrive with the wedding party and are "officially announced".  By the time you get there, everyone has arrived and settled down.  Others may feel differently, but I think this is a very good arrangement . ____       |  —-  –  -  –  -  -   –   |  |–   | |  | |   / _/  —-  -  –  -  –    / "I’m not a witch, they dressed me up like this!"

Response:

>I think it would be very inconsiderate, if not downright rude, to ask >guests to wait even 20 minutes at the church while photos were being taken. >Are photographs that important ? You have a repsonsibility to your guests

I’m with Lucy 200%!  There is another thread now discussing the tradition of waiting till after the ceremony for doing the bride and groom pictures, vs. breaking the so-called "tradition" and doing them before.  This thread on making guests wait touches on just one of the many reasons that doing a long photo session after the ceremony really trashes the wedding day.  Having been involved in hundreds of weddings, like Beth MAzur who has also posted on this, I have seen too many events tun into fiascos because either the bride or the groom was afraid that doing formals before the ceremony would couse terrible fate to fall on them. When couples are absolutely insistent on not doing posed portraits in advance, my advice is to keep the session as short as possible – certainly no more than 10 minutes.  And this session should be ANYPLACE BUT the church altar.  Returning to the altar for pictures, in the view of celebrity photographer Denis Reggie, is "the height of fiction" and breaks the logical flow of the wedding story.  It also is a thorn in the side of church officials o see their sanctuary tenmporarily turned into a photo studio.    /|/| /||)|/  /~ /| ||)[~|)/~   |   Everyone’s entitled to MY opinion.

Response:

>The last wedding I was at, the couple emerged from the church after >45 mins. or so of pictures after the ceremony only to find that about >20 people, of the 180 that showed up, were waiting outside the church >to rain birdseed on them. I was disappointed for them and on speaking >with them after the honeymoon they said they were also a bit upset. >It seemed as if the guests cared much more about getting to the >reception (to get a good table, one guest said) than the actual reason >for the day..A Wedding!!!

The guests could as easily say, "It seemed as though the bride and groom cared much more about getting a million dollar photo album than about the relatives and friends who came to celebrate with them." 45 minutes is a long time to stand around outside wearing heels and holding birdseed even in good weather.  This is especially true for guests who don’t know many people – others will gather in clusters and you can’t just walk up and say, "Hi, I’m Marilyn!  Who the heck are you?"  Depending on the length of the ceremony and the time of day (and the weather, again) your guests may be extremely hot, cold, hungry, tired, thirsty, or any combination of the above.   If the birdseed is so important, just run right out and do it! Your pictures will look that much more festive.  It loses the sponteneity after such a long wait, don’t you think? Marilyn

Response:

The last wedding I was at, the couple emerged from the church after 45 mins. or so of pictures after the ceremony only to find that about 20 people, of the 180 that showed up, were waiting outside the church to rain birdseed on them. I was disappointed for them and on speaking with them after the honeymoon they said they were also a bit upset. It seemed as if the guests cared much more about getting to the reception (to get a good table, one guest said) than the actual reason for theday..A Wedding!!! Anyway, I want to avoid being left at the church by all our guests. My mom said that she has been to 3 weddings where the officiant at the end of the ceremony announces that the bride & groom and there parents  invite all the guests to stay and enjoy the picture taking. Basically giving the big hint that its not cool if they take off just yet. She said in all three cases almost everyone hung around outside or inside whatever there preference and the couples were then greeted by all of their guests upon leaving the church for the reception. Has anyone done this or plan to?? Is etiquette involved (when isn’t it!)? I would hate to walk out to an empty parking lot and a full basket of birdseed! Suzette Boy, I’m just full of questions today! 8/26/95

Response:

>The last wedding I was at, the couple emerged from the church after 45 mins. or so of >pictures after the ceremony only to find that about 20 people, of the 180 that showed up, >were waiting outside the church to rain birdseed on them. I was disappointed for them and >on speaking with them after the honeymoon they said they were also a bit upset. >It seemed as if the guests cared much more about getting to the reception (to get a good table, one guest said) than the actual reason for theday..A Wedding!!! >Suzette >Boy, I’m just full of questions today! >8/26/95

What some friends of mine did was… After the ceremony, they had a small reception line and we, the attendents, just kind of stood out infront of the church.  Giving the idea that people were suppose to stay around.  Then the couple emerged to the throwing of rice and releasing of doves.  After this we, the bridal party, went back for pictures and the guest went to the reception. Just an idea. Heather and Brad

Response:

Suzette writes: >The last wedding I was at, the couple emerged from the church >after 45 mins. or so of pictures after the ceremony only to find >that about 20 people, of the 180 that showed up, were waiting >outside the church to rain birdseed on them. I was disappointed >for them and on speaking with them after the honeymoon they >said they were also a bit upset. >It seemed as if the guests cared much more about getting to the reception (to >get a good table, one guest said) than the actual reason for theday..A >Wedding!!!

If you really have to have the pictures after the ceremony, do have something for the guests to do during that time.  Hanging around the reception waiting for it to begin isn’t much fun, but hanging around the churc wondering what is happening is even less fun.  If you can figure out a way for the guests to really join in the picture taking that sounds like it could be fun — but don’t just make them hang around feeling in the way just so you get to have birdseed showered on you… (you could also save the birdseed ’til you leave the reception…). But on the whole I think its a good idea to think carefully about what will help your guests enjoy the day, and not feel like stage-props. — Rachel

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> The last wedding I was at, the couple emerged from the church after 45 mins. or so of > pictures after the ceremony only to find that about 20 people, of the 180 that showed up, > were waiting outside the church to rain birdseed on them. I was disappointed for them and > on speaking with them after the honeymoon they said they were also a bit upset. > It seemed as if the guests cared much more about getting to the reception (to > get a good table, one guest said) than the actual reason for theday..A > Wedding!!!

I think it would be very inconsiderate, if not downright rude, to ask guests to wait even 20 minutes at the church while photos were being taken. Are photographs that important ? You have a repsonsibility to your guests to make the day as enjoyable as possible. As a general rule that applies to many discussions here it seems to me that the maxim should be:            Ask not what your guests should be doing for you but what you can do for     your guests. Just like you are not supposed to expect a present from anyone, nor should you expect anyone to come (it’s an honour if they do), nor can you expect anyone to hang around while you have photographs taken, nor can you expect people to stay late if they are tired or bored, etc. OK so you may be disappointed about it, but that’s a different story. That’s my opinion. Lucy — Department of Computer Science Trinity College Dublin Dublin 2, IRELAND

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > The last wedding I was at, the couple emerged from the church after 45 mins. or so of > pictures after the ceremony only to find that about 20 people, of the 180 that showed up, > were waiting outside the church to rain birdseed on them. I was disappointed for them and > on speaking with them after the honeymoon they said they were also a bit upset. > It seemed as if the guests cared much more about getting to the reception (to get a good table, one guest said) than the actual reason for theday..A Wedding!!! > Anyway, I want to avoid being left at the church by all our guests. My mom said that she has > been to 3 weddings where the officiant at the end of the ceremony announces that the bride & > groom and there parents  invite all the guests to stay and enjoy the picture taking. Basically giving > the big hint that its not cool if they take off just yet. She said in all three cases almost everyone > hung around outside or inside whatever there preference and the couples were then greeted by > all of their guests upon leaving the church for the reception. > Has anyone done this or plan to?? Is etiquette involved (when isn’t it!)? > I would hate to walk out to an empty parking lot and a full basket of birdseed! > Suzette > Boy, I’m just full of questions today! > 8/26/95

Well, I hope our guests *won’t* hang around while we take pictures.  I think we have a somewhat different situation, though.  We rented a chapel, and we can only be there 1/2 hour before the ceremony and 45 minutes after.  Then the next wedding party starts arriving.  Because we have a bit of a lag between the ceremony (3:00) and the reception (6:30) we are inviting guests back to Wayne’s sister’s house for coffee/punch before the actual reception so people won’t have to find something to do for an hour or so.  That’s not fun–especially when you’re from out of town!  Also, the chapel is in a wooded setting, and they don’t allow rice and only allow birdseed to be thrown down in the parking lot by the limo, so we decided not to have either thrown.  We’ll join the guests at his sister’s in a little while.  Besides, the chapel is very small, and only close family and friends will attend, making the little interim gathering  easier.  We hope. Lisa & Wayne …who just got their wedding bands yesterday!! (7/23/94)

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Filed under: Wedding Band Ring