Wedding Rings

What do patners think of P?

Question:

>Don’t beat on the guys too much –  I only had 1 "P-free" year of dating >before I got >P at age 19.  I’ve never had to hunt too hard for dates!   I don’t know how >many >guys got a look at my arms and headed for the hills!  It probably hasn’t been >too >many, because it seems whenever I’m waiting for a friend, some guy wanders >over to >make conversation, and often leaves me his number.

I think I saw some of those guys playing bingo at the firehouse with Dave’s wife, its a catch-22 if you ask me you sound like a hot chick! Irving Washington

Response:

In article >  Whatever package one is walking > around in is perfect for that individual.  Perfect

for whatever destiny > we are > meant to fulfill in this lifetime.  That matters and that is all that > matters. > Everything else is just window dressing.  An acquired

skill, no more. I couldn’t agree more!  It was good to read such a positive e-mail.                                 If you’re as delighful & caring as you appear in your e-mail it’s obvious why your partner fell for you at first sight.                                     My very best wishes,George.                    

Response:

Sounds like you have a "heart of gold" yourself.  I’m glad you two found each other and thanks for such an encouraging and lovely post. Martha Anderson – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->For insight from a different angle, I’m the non-psoriatic partner.  My husband >was over 40, obese, long-haired, with extensive P and some PA when I met him >five years ago.  He has had P since his early 20s, now over half his lifetime. >He has it all over his torso, worst on his back, on this legs, feet, arms, >hands and scalp.  Occasionally he’ll get a small patch on his face but seldom. >He had/has no other disorders.  Myself, I was 37, obese, never had P, but >hypoglycemic, had carpal tunnel and fibromyalgia.  My teenage son had dyslexia, >behavioral difficulties, and vitiligo (also a skin disorder but not as >disfiguring as P). >It was love at first sight. >I don’t have a problem with his P.  Though my nails are too short to be very >effective, I happily pick scales off whenever he asks… and sometimes more >than he likes:)  I doctor his P with Tazorac applied using a Q-tip and laugh >myself into tears over his gyrations when it tickles.  When a large patch on >his calf became inflamed and I could feel the heat pouring off while my hand >was an inch away, I insisted he take the day off from work and go see our >doctor.  Newlyweds less than a year, it had been decades since he had had >health insurance and would have let it go with minimal over-the-counter >treatment if I hadn’t bullied him.  Then, discovering he had a serious >infection that could have cost him his leg if he had waited even a day longer, >I bullied him into following the treatment prescribed, even to keeping his leg >elevated while hosting games at a convention we were scheduled to attend that >upcoming weekend. >His appearance is NOT a detracting factor in our relationship, none whatsoever. > Not being a beauty myself, physical appearance has had very minimal >consideration in any of my relationships.  My son is physically attractive and >intelligent, despite his disabilities.  Despite his vitiligo, I raised him to >be largely unconcerned about it.  It was not something he could do much about. >So, although he has large white patches on his knees and spots in many places, >I don’t think he’s as self-conscious about it as other sufferers I’ve read >about on the ngs. >Although I too have disorders, mine are invisible.  My spine is straight, my >body proportionate, my skin relatively clear (except for the occasional zit, >scab, or owie).  I have a few tiny scars and lots of freckles and moles.  My >disorders are all on the inside, making me sensitive to unbalanced meals, >changes in temperature, lights, and noise, attractive to flying insects (YUCK) >and overall tender to the touch. >To me, a body is a body is a body is a body.  Just like a job is a job or a >house is a house, etc.  We come in many shapes and sizes, colors, patterns, >softnesses and hardnesses, long hair and short, different eyes, different body >odors, and on and on.  Its the person inside that matters, their temperament, >their values, their intelligence, what makes them laugh or cry.  My husband has >a heart of gold.  To me, that is what mattered most, and, having raised my son >alone for 11 years, I had given up ever finding someone who could truly >understand me and appreciate my opinions and point of view.  Those things were >priceless to me. >Perhaps it helped that I was no stranger to an unsightly disorder.  Perhaps it >helped that I was as obese as he.  Or perhaps it was our mutually unique >world-view.  Who knows.  But if you are still looking, don’t give up.  When you >are truly ready, you will find that someone who makes your life complete.  And >don’t worry about the package they come in.  Whatever package one is walking >around in is perfect for that individual.  Perfect for whatever destiny we are >meant to fulfill in this lifetime.  That matters and that is all that matters. >Everything else is just window dressing.  An acquired skill, no more. >Grace

Response:

>> In short, others will think of you very much as you do.  "Smile and the whole > world smiles at you."  Try this (I do it from time to time):  Walk through a > mall with a smirk on your face that suggests you’re just about to burst out > laughing.  You’ll get broad smiles from perfect strangers… and they’ll never > see your psoriasis. >Excellent point- >Remember you have to like yourself before others will like you!  Do what you >can about your P and try not to let it drive you up the wall!

Both excellent points:) For insight from a different angle, I’m the non-psoriatic partner.  My husband was over 40, obese, long-haired, with extensive P and some PA when I met him five years ago.  He has had P since his early 20s, now over half his lifetime. He has it all over his torso, worst on his back, on this legs, feet, arms, hands and scalp.  Occasionally he’ll get a small patch on his face but seldom. He had/has no other disorders.  Myself, I was 37, obese, never had P, but hypoglycemic, had carpal tunnel and fibromyalgia.  My teenage son had dyslexia, behavioral difficulties, and vitiligo (also a skin disorder but not as disfiguring as P). It was love at first sight. I don’t have a problem with his P.  Though my nails are too short to be very effective, I happily pick scales off whenever he asks… and sometimes more than he likes:)  I doctor his P with Tazorac applied using a Q-tip and laugh myself into tears over his gyrations when it tickles.  When a large patch on his calf became inflamed and I could feel the heat pouring off while my hand was an inch away, I insisted he take the day off from work and go see our doctor.  Newlyweds less than a year, it had been decades since he had had health insurance and would have let it go with minimal over-the-counter treatment if I hadn’t bullied him.  Then, discovering he had a serious infection that could have cost him his leg if he had waited even a day longer, I bullied him into following the treatment prescribed, even to keeping his leg elevated while hosting games at a convention we were scheduled to attend that upcoming weekend. His appearance is NOT a detracting factor in our relationship, none whatsoever.  Not being a beauty myself, physical appearance has had very minimal consideration in any of my relationships.  My son is physically attractive and intelligent, despite his disabilities.  Despite his vitiligo, I raised him to be largely unconcerned about it.  It was not something he could do much about. So, although he has large white patches on his knees and spots in many places, I don’t think he’s as self-conscious about it as other sufferers I’ve read about on the ngs. Although I too have disorders, mine are invisible.  My spine is straight, my body proportionate, my skin relatively clear (except for the occasional zit, scab, or owie).  I have a few tiny scars and lots of freckles and moles.  My disorders are all on the inside, making me sensitive to unbalanced meals, changes in temperature, lights, and noise, attractive to flying insects (YUCK) and overall tender to the touch. To me, a body is a body is a body is a body.  Just like a job is a job or a house is a house, etc.  We come in many shapes and sizes, colors, patterns, softnesses and hardnesses, long hair and short, different eyes, different body odors, and on and on.  Its the person inside that matters, their temperament, their values, their intelligence, what makes them laugh or cry.  My husband has a heart of gold.  To me, that is what mattered most, and, having raised my son alone for 11 years, I had given up ever finding someone who could truly understand me and appreciate my opinions and point of view.  Those things were priceless to me. Perhaps it helped that I was no stranger to an unsightly disorder.  Perhaps it helped that I was as obese as he.  Or perhaps it was our mutually unique world-view.  Who knows.  But if you are still looking, don’t give up.  When you are truly ready, you will find that someone who makes your life complete.  And don’t worry about the package they come in.  Whatever package one is walking around in is perfect for that individual.  Perfect for whatever destiny we are meant to fulfill in this lifetime.  That matters and that is all that matters. Everything else is just window dressing.  An acquired skill, no more. Grace

Response:

<snip!> > In truth, she was a very kind person and I often wonder if women are generally > more accepting of these typs of things in others than are men.  I sort of buy > into the "nurture" concept of women; where they are genetically programmed to be > more supportive and kind to those who suffer.

Don’t beat on the guys too much –  I only had 1 "P-free" year of dating before I got P at age 19.  I’ve never had to hunt too hard for dates!   I don’t know how many guys got a look at my arms and headed for the hills!  It probably hasn’t been too many, because it seems whenever I’m waiting for a friend, some guy wanders over to make conversation, and often leaves me his number. > My wife is wonderful and her only concern about my P is that she knows I suffer > quit badly sometimes.  However, when I finally got myself clear last year she > was more ‘physically’ affectionate.  We discussed that and agreed that it is > natural for a person to be more attracted to someone who’s got good skin.  But > our marriage is not based upon the condition of my skin.  I’d suggest that if > skin is a determining factor then one has the wrong partner in the first place.

Even if skin is NOT the determining factor, you can have the wrong partner! <<sigh>> I suspect the mechanics of physical affection and sex work better when one’s skin is smooth and not prone to cracking when it flexes > As for getting picked last in school for sports teams.  When I was getting > picked last I was in perfect health, normal skin, tremendously strong (argueably > the most fit person I knew at that time), and later went on to compete on a > national team for a few years with international success…. it was my > personality that they didn’t like, and my resentment of their attitude did > nothing to improve mine.  That form of abuse is self feeding from both sides and > I put the blame squarely on teachers who ought to take it seriously and most > certainly can do something about it if they wish.

Amen to that!  Kids choose teams mostly based on who’s "popular" or with the "in-crowd"  While being un-coordinated can put you in with the outs, so can being too smart, not smart enough, too tall, too short, wearing glasses, looking "funny", talking funny etc. > In short, others will think of you very much as you do.  "Smile and the whole > world smiles at you."  Try this (I do it from time to time):  Walk through a > mall with a smirk on your face that suggests you’re just about to burst out > laughing.  You’ll get broad smiles from perfect strangers… and they’ll never > see your psoriasis.

Excellent point- Remember you have to like yourself before others will like you!  Do what you can about your P and try not to let it drive you up the wall! — Elizabeth Cosgrove

Response:

Adam, I try not to "take it out" on other people since it makes no sense.  I used to – sometimes – but it really messed up my mind.  I just try to live with what I can not change and accept it.  Life’s too short to worry about cruel and non-thinking people. Irv

Response:

i’ve been lucky my family are supportive as are my friends i have met with some idiots that have been cruel.  None more so than children but now after 16 yrs of p i have the  self belief to say i don’t care it was hard to get this far but it is possible.  just be strong & the rest will come . Dont forget it’s not what anyone else thinks that matters u are alive that’s what matters.

Response:

It is very important to have some support for P, I had none when I first started to develop P at the age of 11 and dealt with it badly! As a consequence I retired into my shell embarrassed of how my skin looked and blighted my teen years as a result. — WillD Carpe diem! Seize the day!

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> i’ve been lucky my family are supportive as are my friends i have met with some > idiots that have been cruel.  None more so than children but now after 16 yrs > of p i have the  self belief to say i don’t care it was hard to get this far > but it is possible.  just be strong & the rest will come . Dont forget it’s not > what anyone else thinks that matters u are alive that’s what matters.

Response:

Darren I read through this thread and saw some really interesting answers to your question… here’s mine. I had a girlfriend who was extremely supportive of my condition.  When I met her (her 18, me 21) I was not too bad but became MUCH worse during our relationship.  While I certainly don’t attribute the worsening to the relationship (that was caused by very bad treatment from a derm) I look back now and realize that she was far more supportive of my condition than she ever was of me as a person.  It was a very bad relationship and the only time I ever felt really close to her was when she’d brush my hair to help relieve the itch; which she did willingly. In truth, she was a very kind person and I often wonder if women are generally more accepting of these typs of things in others than are men.  I sort of buy into the "nurture" concept of women; where they are genetically programmed to be more supportive and kind to those who suffer. My wife is wonderful and her only concern about my P is that she knows I suffer quit badly sometimes.  However, when I finally got myself clear last year she was more ‘physically’ affectionate.  We discussed that and agreed that it is natural for a person to be more attracted to someone who’s got good skin.  But our marriage is not based upon the condition of my skin.  I’d suggest that if skin is a determining factor then one has the wrong partner in the first place. As for getting picked last in school for sports teams.  When I was getting picked last I was in perfect health, normal skin, tremendously strong (argueably the most fit person I knew at that time), and later went on to compete on a national team for a few years with international success…. it was my personality that they didn’t like, and my resentment of their attitude did nothing to improve mine.  That form of abuse is self feeding from both sides and I put the blame squarely on teachers who ought to take it seriously and most certainly can do something about it if they wish. Back to the problem of skin and being attractive…. right now I have obvious psoriasis on the backs of both hands (been drinking too much lately) which often crack and bleed.  I don’t consider myself to be a particularly handsome man (and dozens would jump quickly to agree with that) but, I get offers!  (At least one or two a month.)  I cannot wear my wedding ring because of the psoriasis (something I’ve always regretted terribly) and women will approach me from time to time.  They can look and see that I’ve got a skin condition and they still approach.  I imagine that if I tried to hide it and was more self-concious of it, they’d consider it more serious and would not be as interested in me. In short, others will think of you very much as you do.  "Smile and the whole world smiles at you."  Try this (I do it from time to time):  Walk through a mall with a smirk on your face that suggests you’re just about to burst out laughing.  You’ll get broad smiles from perfect strangers… and they’ll never see your psoriasis. kob – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi everyone, > I was just wondering if you have partners, what do they think of  psoriasis? > And how did they first react when you told them of your skin condition? > Thanks, > Darren.

Response:

> It is so hard to get one’s act together under ANY circumstances, > this would seem to make it even more so. > Jean B.

A lessson i’ve learned is to be an asshole to those that are assholes and be kind to those that are kind. As a teen you dont do that… you want to fit in… I’m 24.. i’ve been skateboarding for 12 years.. i’m quite good.. I’ve skated throughout my teens and school… i’ve always done my own thing… When it came to being social with the "normal" kids in school i had no problem… But when i was picked on.. i took it..  I was in better shape then the bullys.. hell! i even had a leathal weapon (a Skateboard )  Its not like i couldnt have took someone out with my anger.  But i’m not that kind of person.. I was always been someoen that respected others and felt sad when i saw people disrespected.  I still feel that way but now that i’m older and more independent.. I dont care about you.. if you dont care about me.  Thats it. I know that sounds asshole’ish but its not like i’m a walking anger machine.. i’m a nice guy.. but if someones going to pull some kind of rank and file crap on me or other people.. I just flip them off and walk away. Those kind of people are not worth my time.  You learn this with P..  Life is short and i only have time for decent kind people. I learned very early through going to school with different groups of people… i started out in private school where it was blacks, whites, chinese, jewish, geeky, nerdy, normal, cool, tall, short, and every other kind of people.  Everyone there was great.  i mean everyone got along it was no problem to be different.  granted i was 10 or 11 and my P had just started to take form in very little dots.  I remember not knowing what it was.  Infact we were all good friends that when they left the school.. i left.  I didnt want to be there.  So i went to public school… and discovered the most racist group of white people you could ever imagine (i’m white btw)  I was amazed.  Shocked.  OF course as we all grew up.. later on in the later years of highschool they all became for the lack of a better term "wiggers" which is amazing because like the year before they were "niggers this niggers that" it was really sad.  That is the thing I’m GLAD I NEVER WAS.  MINDLESS, ROBOTS..  I had P, I had skateboarding, i had my life that i was too much invovled with to care about being cool.  OF COSURE everything works out in the end because while i was skateboarding and open minded i wore clothing years before that later became "COOL" to wear.  Same with music.  So i get my little laugh.  Its funny what people do to be cool.. and its sad.  I say SCREW BEING COOL and address your life.  Those being cool always miss teh boat of humanity. Anyways i’m glad to say all while skateboarding those 11 years i started with computers at age 11.. and i’m doing very well now for myself.. making a nice living etc.  I just wish it wasnt so hard for people.. P, cancer, aids, you name it.  Life is hard and it makes me sad to think of a 10 year old with P… I know it all to well.  It aint easy… But in the end.. i can pick some positvie things out that i’m proud of.  Like i said.. i just wish it wasnt so hard for people because it makes me… sad. Best of luck, and lets get a cure for this shit so the next kid born with P can feel normal.  I never want another child or adult to go through this shit ever. -Adam

Response:

Hi Darren, You get an "A" for the best all around  - well put "P" questions ever.  I have had the dreaded "P" for 20yrs. now.  It started under the stress of divorce. My first sightings were in the genital area.  After many years of being lost in obscurity because I did not know how to deal with the emotional ramifications of this disease…I finally learned to do just that…deal with it.  Not to belabor the issue this is my advice (something I do not particularly like to give): Find someone that likes you for YOU.  YOU are not this ugliness (you are beautiful) and the "P" will take second stage if any at all. Take care and good luck

Response:

>As for another childhood memory that pops up, I remember my class >always had to play games during recess. No one ever wanted me to >play with them. I remember when we played baseball and there were 2 >captains picked. I had to stand there *every* single time and watch the >captains pick all the other kids until I was the last one left. Then of >course I was assigned to the team that needed one last person. I was >always the last one picked, the last person to get in line for lunch, the >last everything. I didn’t know and prolly still don’t know if it was because >of my P or because I was shy and didn’t have friends.

In my case, I know it wasn’t due to psoriasis, as I didn’t have psoriasis back then.  My getting picked last was due to the fact that I had less athletic ability than a stale pickle.  :) – Dave W. http://members.aol.com/psorsite/

Response:

>>I was just wondering if you have partners, what do they think of >psoriasis? >And how did they first react when you told them of your skin condition?

(sorry if i’m answering an old question, but this is a good question to answer) I’ve had a couple boyfriends…the first one, I didn’t know it was psoriasis yet (I thought it was just dry skin I’d been born with or something) and when he saw it, he ran. Which, I was 13, so I guess that’s ok. (Although he’s still nasty about it.) Then sometime last year or so, my friend Greg and I progressed to the love thing. (I still hadn’t explaned it to out of fear of an "oh my god!" reaction) I finally explained it to him and he was very accepting of it. We had to change the terms of our relationship because he got older and suddenly there was 1 1/2 states between us, but we’re still extremely good friends and he still doesn’t care when we do get to see each other. (i told you all i’m long-winded) Ky ~~~~~~~ "If I make a mark in time, I can’t say the mark is mine I’m only the underline of the word" ~Cat Stevens

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Very interesting, Lorraine!  Indeed, as my SO and I >discussed the prospect of having a child, his only concern >was his psoriasis.  We decided to have a child (the >aforementioned 10-y-o daughter who probably has P, although >very minor now).  For one thing, we hoped a) she would not >have a problem until she was fairly old (since he didn’t), >and b) significant medical advances would have been made by >the time this was relevant for him/her.  Welllllll, I guess >only time will tell whether such advances come before she >REALLY needs them. >I have to say that our daughter is very shy and sensitive, >so it is very hard to imagine how she would cope if this >became a major issue in the near future.  Although her dad >COULD help her with this, he is not the least bit  attuned >to her emotional needs….  She is very pretty, so for this >reason, too, I am always trying to teach her that beauty is >only skin deep and that she must develop her inner self to >be truly beautiful.  I also suggest this when she makes >comments about other people, who may have problems of one >sort or another.

I too have thought about adopting because I would *never* want my child to go through what *I* went through which was a living heck! Some of my oldest horrid P memories was when I was in the 3rd grade. I remember that it was really bad in my scalp and I would pick at it every day. Then, by the end of the day, I would have big bloody chunks of skin laying around me on the floor. <sorry I don’t mean to be graphic!> Anyhow, the teacher was really mean and she spanked me! I barely remember what happened next but I think my mom showed up and threatened to have the teacher fired. The next day went better because the teacher rarely spoke to me again. As for another childhood memory that pops up, I remember my class always had to play games during recess. No one ever wanted me to play with them. I remember when we played baseball and there were 2 captains picked. I had to stand there *every* single time and watch the captains pick all the other kids until I was the last one left. Then of course I was assigned to the team that needed one last person. I was always the last one picked, the last person to get in line for lunch, the last everything. I didn’t know and prolly still don’t know if it was because of my P or because I was shy and didn’t have friends. I guess my suggestion would be to encourage your daughter to make as many friends as possible. Even if they have at least *one* that would make games and other things waaay better. I was always stuck with myself so it was me against the world. I bet that if I had been more open and more talkative I may have actually made friends better and possibly not always been picked last. Jewlz

Response:

>Hi everyone, >I was just wondering if you have partners, what do they think of psoriasis? >And how did they first react when you told them of your skin condition?

I have only had one boyfriend so far and at the time we were dating he was never bothered by it. He didn’t have a problem with intimacy <no not that, I’m still a virgin> but he didn’t mind kissing, hugging and he said he wouldn’t mind *that* either.  I told him he would have to wait till we’re married. He was kind and said ‘ok’. But then, after a year, I found out he was cheating on me so I dumped him. I always wonder if I’ll find another guy who would love me for me and not cheat on me. O well, needless to say, he wasn’t bothered with my P. Jewlz

Response:

> In my eyes this is just gods way of telling me that there is a child > out there somewhere waiting to be adopted by me.

A very deep issue, this one, and all the stronger because people don’t want to look at it, even more strongly than the ’shallow taboos’ like sex. Personally, I have eight nephews & neices, of whom only one has any skin complaint: I think posterity has already done well by me, as it were. The bit that really, really puzzles me though, is this: I strongly believe that adversity is a force for good, that people only grow when challenged.  P ios a very challenging disease, even if it’s not severaly incapacitating in most cases – I firmly believe that every person here (with one notable exception) can claim that P has made them more interesting, more aware, more *experienced*, both about themselves and about the people they meet. OK, so: we also know from a number of studies that very physically attractive people are lower qualified, marry earlier, have children earlier, divorce more often… all failures of underdevelopment. Yet, here we are, with all the development in the world: most probably we would be truly world-class parents – but eugenics says ‘don’t have kids’. There’s the thing.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hey there, > I grew up with P. As did my mom and my 4 siblings. You learn how to ignore the > insults eventually. A loving enviornment helped alot. Also when i was young and > in School and the kids would tease me, I had great teachers who would explain > what I had to the other kids so they could accept it and not be so afraid of > it. > There will always be those ignorant shallow people who don’t care to get it. > Those are the people i just avoid. > As for partners, well I have had a few that were very accepting of my > condition. Once explained in laymens terms. > I have also dated men who upon seeing my P for the first time, could not deal > with it and did not stick around. Sometimes you can explain something to death > and some people just can’t accept it. In the end I figured I was far bettter > off without a person who wasn’t willing to get to know Me regardless of my > skin. > My partener now,  deals with it very well, although I still have a few > inhibitions because of my P. He accepts and understands this well, and tries to > help me work through it. I found that the hardest thing to do was to sit and > have the P discussion when dating became serious enough to move on to the > physical aspect. > I don’t suggest surprising someone with your condition 15 minutes before your > first serious physical encounter. I think people need time to let it sink in > and ask questions. > The other  hard part for me was when It came time to discuss having children. > I have P and a few other related diseases, and have decided not to have > children because of my genetic makeup. I watched my mother suffer with major > guilt as she watched all of her children develop P. She still can’t always deal > with it. And there are some partners that truly want children of their own. > In my eyes this is just gods way of telling me that there is a child out there > somewhere waiting to be adopted by me. > Peace and Love > Lorraine

Very interesting, Lorraine!  Indeed, as my SO and I discussed the prospect of having a child, his only concern was his psoriasis.  We decided to have a child (the aforementioned 10-y-o daughter who probably has P, although very minor now).  For one thing, we hoped a) she would not have a problem until she was fairly old (since he didn’t), and b) significant medical advances would have been made by the time this was relevant for him/her.  Welllllll, I guess only time will tell whether such advances come before she REALLY needs them. I have to say that our daughter is very shy and sensitive, so it is very hard to imagine how she would cope if this became a major issue in the near future.  Although her dad COULD help her with this, he is not the least bit  attuned to her emotional needs….  She is very pretty, so for this reason, too, I am always trying to teach her that beauty is only skin deep and that she must develop her inner self to be truly beautiful.  I also suggest this when she makes comments about other people, who may have problems of one sort or another.   Jean B.

Response:

Wow what a great story…..thank you "Valerians1" I will take a lot of your advice and it should help me and future partners deal with it a lot better. Thanks again Darren.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hey there, > I grew up with P. As did my mom and my 4 siblings. You learn how to ignore the > insults eventually. A loving enviornment helped alot. Also when i was young and > in School and the kids would tease me, I had great teachers who would explain > what I had to the other kids so they could accept it and not be so afraid of > it. > There will always be those ignorant shallow people who don’t care to get it. > Those are the people i just avoid. > As for partners, well I have had a few that were very accepting of my > condition. Once explained in laymens terms. > I have also dated men who upon seeing my P for the first time, could not deal > with it and did not stick around. Sometimes you can explain something to death > and some people just can’t accept it. In the end I figured I was far bettter > off without a person who wasn’t willing to get to know Me regardless of my > skin. > My partener now,  deals with it very well, although I still have a few > inhibitions because of my P. He accepts and understands this well, and tries to > help me work through it. I found that the hardest thing to do was to sit and > have the P discussion when dating became serious enough to move on to the > physical aspect. > I don’t suggest surprising someone with your condition 15 minutes before your > first serious physical encounter. I think people need time to let it sink in > and ask questions. > The other  hard part for me was when It came time to discuss having children. > I have P and a few other related diseases, and have decided not to have > children because of my genetic makeup. I watched my mother suffer with major > guilt as she watched all of her children develop P. She still can’t always deal > with it. And there are some partners that truly want children of their own. > In my eyes this is just gods way of telling me that there is a child out there > somewhere waiting to be adopted by me. > Peace and Love > Lorraine

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> Great questions!  And I hope someone who’s been in the situation you’re > talking about answers fully, as I didn’t have any psoriasis symptoms > when my wife and I met and dated.  We’d been together for a couple of > years when my elbows first started getting patchy, so she grew into it > as I did. > – Dave W. > http://members.aol.com/psorsite/

I had been married 20 yrs. when P showed up.  We also grew into it but we’re getting old and fat.  What’s one more problem. She handled the Soriatane pretty well since I was pretty fatigued and irritable while on it. — Jim W 19617989

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Hey there, I grew up with P. As did my mom and my 4 siblings. You learn how to ignore the insults eventually. A loving enviornment helped alot. Also when i was young and in School and the kids would tease me, I had great teachers who would explain what I had to the other kids so they could accept it and not be so afraid of it. There will always be those ignorant shallow people who don’t care to get it. Those are the people i just avoid. As for partners, well I have had a few that were very accepting of my condition. Once explained in laymens terms. I have also dated men who upon seeing my P for the first time, could not deal with it and did not stick around. Sometimes you can explain something to death and some people just can’t accept it. In the end I figured I was far bettter off without a person who wasn’t willing to get to know Me regardless of my skin. My partener now,  deals with it very well, although I still have a few inhibitions because of my P. He accepts and understands this well, and tries to help me work through it. I found that the hardest thing to do was to sit and have the P discussion when dating became serious enough to move on to the physical aspect. I don’t suggest surprising someone with your condition 15 minutes before your first serious physical encounter. I think people need time to let it sink in and ask questions. The other  hard part for me was when It came time to discuss having children. I have P and a few other related diseases, and have decided not to have children because of my genetic makeup. I watched my mother suffer with major guilt as she watched all of her children develop P. She still can’t always deal with it. And there are some partners that truly want children of their own.   In my eyes this is just gods way of telling me that there is a child out there somewhere waiting to be adopted by me. Peace and Love Lorraine  

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>I was just wondering if you have partners, what do they think of >psoriasis?  And how did they first react when you told them of your >skin condition?

Great questions!  And I hope someone who’s been in the situation you’re talking about answers fully, as I didn’t have any psoriasis symptoms when my wife and I met and dated.  We’d been together for a couple of years when my elbows first started getting patchy, so she grew into it as I did. – Dave W. http://members.aol.com/psorsite/

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> >I was just wondering if you have partners, what do they think of >psoriasis?  And how did they first react when you told them of your >skin condition? > Great questions!  And I hope someone who’s been in the situation you’re > talking about answers fully, as I didn’t have any psoriasis symptoms > when my wife and I met and dated.  We’d been together for a couple of > years when my elbows first started getting patchy, so she grew into it > as I did. > – Dave W.

Yes, we are both talking of a somewhat different situation. The main thing I would wonder about (remember I am the partner of someone with P) is the psychological effect of P when one has it from a young age.  I think THAT would have been more a problem for me than the P itself.   Of course, this is something I wonder about from another angle as well since my almost-10-yr-old daughter probably has P (not uncontrollable/bad now), and I worry about her having to endure the slings and arrows of other kids.  It is so hard to get one’s act together under ANY circumstances, this would seem to make it even more so. Jean B.

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Hi everyone, I was just wondering if you have partners, what do they think of  psoriasis? And how did they first react when you told them of your skin condition? Thanks, Darren.

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> Hi everyone, > I was just wondering if you have partners, what do they think of  psoriasis? > And how did they first react when you told them of your skin condition? > Thanks, > Darren.

Ah!  Finally something I can respond to–although I AM the partner.  My situation is a bit complicated.  When I first got involved with my SO 30 years ago, his P was very minor. We were apart for several years, and when we got together again, it had become very severe–not only P on most of his body, but severe PA.  I have to say that the external aspects don’t bother me at all.  Of course, I see the P, but it just doesn’t factor into my feelings for him.  What I DO think about more is his PA and other possible ramifications of the P.  I wish he didn’t have to contend with that, I wish he didn’t have to take methotrexate, I wish he didn’t have to endure constant pain…. I think I should also say my SO is a supremely self-confidant sort.  It is hard to say how I (or others) would react if P were a bigger factor in his psychological makeup.  Since it is not a big deal to him, it is not a big deal to anyone else–at least anyone who knows him.   I am more worried about my daughter, who is almost 10, and who shows signs of having P.  I do not envy anyone who has to go through adolescence with this, since it is so hard to weather this storm under any circumstances. Jean B.

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Thank you for posting that, Jean B… it is interesting for those of us who have grown up with Ps and PA to see us as others do. Best regards,

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