Wedding Rings

Outrageous Cruising Experiences

Question:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Mike: > I can safely say that it wasn’t my dog. : ) > However, as the human partner of a service dog team, I can tell you > that when I was paired with Heidi I signed an agreement with the > program that trained her.  In the simplest terms, it states that I > agree to give her the proper care, food, etc. and to represent the > program in the most positive light possible. > There was a specific portion with regard to how the dog (and I) are to > "behave" in public.  She is to wear her vest and leash, no > inappropriate sniffing, etc.  If she has an accident, she is my dog, > I’m supposed to clean it up.  This lead to much angst among the crew > on the first cruise we took her on.  Most members of a cruise ship > crew cannot fathom a passenger willing to clean a carpet. > I find it hard to believe that any human partner would leave that > there.  I guessing it was human.

i was wondering how you do clean up after her. i know you can teach a dog alot of neat tricks – but can you teach her to sit on a toilet? or is there a pan in the bathroom? —Mike Savad —                                       <—> Mike’s Photosig Page –> http://www.photosig.com/userphotos.php?id=9050 Mike’s Canon Powershot Pro90 IS –> Photo Page – http://www.savad.0catch.com/ Mike’s Canon Powershot Pro90 IS –> Photo Page 2 – http://www.pbase.com/savad Mike’s Stained Glass –> http://www.geocities.com/Paris/1141/ <–Stained Glass Tips

Response:

…and my wife can’t understand why I am addicted to RTC!  I just printed out your story to show her.  Maybe now she will understand. – Steve B. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> You asked for it.  So here goes.

Response:

I printed it out as well. lived in the Phila area most of my life. Thanks for a great story.

Response:

"When the elevator doors opened, I found myself face to face with this woman (or perhaps a man I thought).  She was in her mid thirties, very tall, and butt ugly.  She was dressed in a black leather miniskirt, a red halter made of ostrich feathers, and she donned long blue satin evening gloves on her arms". Quick! Sign her up for Shipmates! <grin>

Response:

Howard and Eileen, Living in Philadelphia all my life I became friendly with Ken and Elaine Garland.  Ken was a radio personality who did wonderful things for our business before he died, and his wife, Elaine is best remembered for her role in the Rabbi Fred Neulander murder trial. In spite of that, they were our friends, and Fred Neulander was our rabbi for most of my child’s formulative life. Forget all of that.  We want to cruise with you guys because we need people who can excuse any kind of $hit. — DG in Cherry Hill, NJ – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> You asked for it.  So here goes. > Let me begin by describing the typical passenger(s) on the Seabourn Sun. >   Most passengers were married and a surprisingly large number of > married couples included a husband of about 75 to 85 years old and a > very well preserved (through plastic surgery, exercise, cosmetics, etc.) > 60 to 65 year old wife. Half of the 700 passengers were Brittish and > half of these literally spoke the "Queens English". > The general atmosphere on this ship was friendly but very reserved. Many > of the passengers had sailed numerous times on the ship and one couple > whom we befriended occupied the penthouse suite for four months every > year.  This particular couple actually left their clothing on the ship > year round.  The highlight of the day for most passengers was "team > trivia", played every day at noon. > Most of the crew were holdovers from the Royal Viking Sun.  Some very > important priorities for this ship included order, politeness, and > CONSISTENCY.  I have two examples: > 1. One night after dinner, a group of passengers stayed around the piano > that was played outside the dining room.  When they began to sing along > with the pianist, they were quickly and politely silenced by the cruise > director. > 2. On the eveing that I discovered and reported the shit (about 8:00 > PM), the elevator involved was taken out of commission until after > midnight.  This was not because it took them four hours to clean and > fumigate.  Rather, it was because the shit was located on on a removable > piece of carpet in the middle of the elevator on which the day of the > week was embossed.  It seems they only had enough daily maps for each > elevator.  Thus, rather than confuse the guests for four hours with the > wrong day in this elevator, they decided to take it our of service for > four hours. > Back to the fantom shitter. > Two days afer I discovered the shit, I was again in the elevator alone > on my way to the dining room. (Eileen is an addicted gambler and when we > are not dining, dancing, sleeping or romancing, she can always be found > in the casino).  When the elevator doors opened, I found myself face to > face with this woman (or perhaps a man I thought).  She was in her mid > thirties, very tall, and butt ugly.  She was dressed in a black leather > miniskirt, a red halter made of ostrich feathers, and she donned long > blue satin evening gloves on her arms. > When I described her to my tablemates, one of the couples who were > actually the bridge instructors on the ship, indicated that they knew > exactly who I was talking about.  They stated that this woman was > married to a 100 year old man whom she had met one year earlier on the > ship.  They went on to tell me how mean she was to this guy and how the > dealers in the casino had complained about her behavior.  It seems that > every night, she would come to the casino and and sit at a blackjack > table with one leg thrown over the lap of her wheelchair bound, 100 year > old husband.  The dealers reported that she never wore any underwear and > she cursed like a truck driver (sorry for the cliche but that’s how it > was stated) whenever she lost a hand. > That night, I witnessed the scene firsthad in the casino.  I even got > Eileen to look away from her video poker machine for a few minutes. > Within days this woman had become the talk of the ship. And she was > obviously the fantom shitter, because she had both motive (she was > completely insane) and opportunity (she never wore underwear).  By the > second week of the cruise, she was banned from entering the casino. > The story continues. > On day 13 or 14, we arrived in Casablanca.  The 100 year old man got > very sick and was taken to the hospital.  His devoted wife was quoted as > stating that there was "no fucking way she was staying in Morocco with > him".  She got back on the ship by herself.  That same evening, it was > reported that during dinner in the dining room, she removed a mirror > from her purse, ran three lines of cocaine on the mirror, and began to > snort the stuff. > She was immediately put under house arrest and locked in her cabin > (there is no brig on the Seabourn Sun).  For the remaining five or six > days of this cruise, she spent hours on end, kicking her stateroom door > and cursing at the top of her lungs. This was very disturbing for the > guests who occupied nearby cabins but very amusing for the rest of us. > So that’s the true story.

Response:

Lordie! And, they call CARNIVAL the "party ships!" Yikes. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >His devoted wife was quoted as >stating that there was "no fucking way she was staying in Morocco with >him".  She got back on the ship by herself.  That same evening, it was >reported that during dinner in the dining room, she removed a mirror >from her purse, ran three lines of cocaine on the mirror, and began to >snort the stuff. >She was immediately put under house arrest and locked in her cabin >(there is no brig on the Seabourn Sun).  For the remaining five or six >days of this cruise, she spent hours on end, kicking her stateroom door >and cursing at the top of her lungs. This was very disturbing for the >guests who occupied nearby cabins but very amusing for the rest of us. >So that’s the true story.

Response:

Wow Howard! So you actually got to meet Anne Nicole Smith? <LOL> Jim > You asked for it.  So here goes.

<<SNIP>>   When the elevator doors opened, I found myself face to – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> face with this woman (or perhaps a man I thought).  She was in her mid > thirties, very tall, and butt ugly.  She was dressed in a black leather > miniskirt, a red halter made of ostrich feathers, and she donned long > blue satin evening gloves on her arms. > When I described her to my tablemates, one of the couples who were > actually the bridge instructors on the ship, indicated that they knew > exactly who I was talking about.  They stated that this woman was > married to a 100 year old man whom she had met one year earlier on the > ship.  They went on to tell me how mean she was to this guy and how the > dealers in the casino had complained about her behavior.  It seems that > every night, she would come to the casino and and sit at a blackjack > table with one leg thrown over the lap of her wheelchair bound, 100 year > old husband.  The dealers reported that she never wore any underwear and > she cursed like a truck driver (sorry for the cliche but that’s how it > was stated) whenever she lost a hand.

<<SNIP>>>

Response:

>She was immediately put under house arrest and locked in her cabin >(there is no brig on the Seabourn Sun).  For the remaining five or six >days of this cruise, she spent hours on end, kicking her stateroom door >and cursing at the top of her lungs. This was very disturbing for the >guests who occupied nearby cabins but very amusing for the rest of us.

Damn and I thought Baby could be bad.

Response:

Oh, c’mon . . . you can’t keep us hanging like this!  Do tell? Karen – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I would like to hear about the most outrageous or bizarre experiences >that rtc readers have had on cruises.  Here is one of mine: >Eileen and I were on a 19 day Atlantic crossing of the Seabourn Sun. >On day 4 of this cruise, I stepped into one of the rear elevators on my >way to dinner.  When the doors closed I was overcome with a disgusting >odor. I looked down and found that someone had left a pile of feces in >the center of the elevator. I was alone in the elevator and my first >thought was "what if the doors open and someone thinks that I did this." >  When the elevator stopped, I was relieved to find that no one was >waiting there to board. I rushed to dinner and quickly told my >tablemates what I had encountered. After some laughing, they convinced >me to report this to purser’s desk. I left the table and went to the >purser’s desk. >I stated: "Someone has had an accident in one of the rear elevators." >Reply:  "Have they fallen?  Are they hurt?" >I stated: "No, not that kind of accident." >Reply: "Are they sick?" >I stated: "There is a pile of shit in the elevator." >The expression of horror on the desk clerks face was indescribable. >The next evening, one of the women at our table reported that while >walking in the corridor outside her stateroom, she also encountered a >pile of shit.  She went on to tell us that when she reported this to the >purser’s desk, her conversation went pretty much like mine had. >Before the first week of this cruise was over, we had discovered the >identity of this fantom shitter; but that is a whole other story. >Howard

                __ /7__/7__/7__  ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::…           http://www.cupcaked.com (…and leave off the "potatoes" to e-mail)

Response:

I have heard it all now What a story. — Gordon Join us on Arline’s MGC-2003 http://www.mgc2003.com – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> You asked for it.  So here goes. > Let me begin by describing the typical passenger(s) on the Seabourn Sun. >   Most passengers were married and a surprisingly large number of > married couples included a husband of about 75 to 85 years old and a > very well preserved (through plastic surgery, exercise, cosmetics, etc.) > 60 to 65 year old wife. Half of the 700 passengers were Brittish and > half of these literally spoke the "Queens English". > The general atmosphere on this ship was friendly but very reserved. Many > of the passengers had sailed numerous times on the ship and one couple > whom we befriended occupied the penthouse suite for four months every > year.  This particular couple actually left their clothing on the ship > year round.  The highlight of the day for most passengers was "team > trivia", played every day at noon. > Most of the crew were holdovers from the Royal Viking Sun.  Some very > important priorities for this ship included order, politeness, and > CONSISTENCY.  I have two examples: > 1. One night after dinner, a group of passengers stayed around the piano > that was played outside the dining room.  When they began to sing along > with the pianist, they were quickly and politely silenced by the cruise > director. > 2. On the eveing that I discovered and reported the shit (about 8:00 > PM), the elevator involved was taken out of commission until after > midnight.  This was not because it took them four hours to clean and > fumigate.  Rather, it was because the shit was located on on a removable > piece of carpet in the middle of the elevator on which the day of the > week was embossed.  It seems they only had enough daily maps for each > elevator.  Thus, rather than confuse the guests for four hours with the > wrong day in this elevator, they decided to take it our of service for > four hours. > Back to the fantom shitter. > Two days afer I discovered the shit, I was again in the elevator alone > on my way to the dining room. (Eileen is an addicted gambler and when we > are not dining, dancing, sleeping or romancing, she can always be found > in the casino).  When the elevator doors opened, I found myself face to > face with this woman (or perhaps a man I thought).  She was in her mid > thirties, very tall, and butt ugly.  She was dressed in a black leather > miniskirt, a red halter made of ostrich feathers, and she donned long > blue satin evening gloves on her arms. > When I described her to my tablemates, one of the couples who were > actually the bridge instructors on the ship, indicated that they knew > exactly who I was talking about.  They stated that this woman was > married to a 100 year old man whom she had met one year earlier on the > ship.  They went on to tell me how mean she was to this guy and how the > dealers in the casino had complained about her behavior.  It seems that > every night, she would come to the casino and and sit at a blackjack > table with one leg thrown over the lap of her wheelchair bound, 100 year > old husband.  The dealers reported that she never wore any underwear and > she cursed like a truck driver (sorry for the cliche but that’s how it > was stated) whenever she lost a hand. > That night, I witnessed the scene firsthad in the casino.  I even got > Eileen to look away from her video poker machine for a few minutes. > Within days this woman had become the talk of the ship. And she was > obviously the fantom shitter, because she had both motive (she was > completely insane) and opportunity (she never wore underwear).  By the > second week of the cruise, she was banned from entering the casino. > The story continues. > On day 13 or 14, we arrived in Casablanca.  The 100 year old man got > very sick and was taken to the hospital.  His devoted wife was quoted as > stating that there was "no fucking way she was staying in Morocco with > him".  She got back on the ship by herself.  That same evening, it was > reported that during dinner in the dining room, she removed a mirror > from her purse, ran three lines of cocaine on the mirror, and began to > snort the stuff. > She was immediately put under house arrest and locked in her cabin > (there is no brig on the Seabourn Sun).  For the remaining five or six > days of this cruise, she spent hours on end, kicking her stateroom door > and cursing at the top of her lungs. This was very disturbing for the > guests who occupied nearby cabins but very amusing for the rest of us. > So that’s the true story.

Response:

I am abolutely not kidding. They closed the damn elevator until they could change the mat to the correct day of the week. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > You have absolutely got to be kidding!  This is the most outrageous behavior > I have ever heard of!  (Of course I mean the closing of the elevator, not > the "woman":) > My inlaws would be very proud of the crew not disturbing the consistency of > routine, in order to open the elevator. > Shauna

Response:

Love your stories and would love to hear more. Howard – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I would like to hear about the most outrageous or bizarre experiences >that rtc readers have had on cruises. > Oh, I got a few–here’s two about the same fellow (names withheld): > While playing music in the orchestra on the Sensy, there was a magician who > had the regular formal night gig in the auditorium.  He was pretty good, but > after seeing the show a few times I’d figured out how he did his magic.  It > wasn’t obvious, he was pretty good, but you notice little details here and > there.  Well, I remarked on this in the crew bar one night to my fellow > musicians (never would I comment on a show in front of the passengers). > Someone must have overheard and reported me, because the next week he was > on, he told the CD to compel all the performers who had any contact with his > show (stage crew, musicians, dancers, etc.) to sign a confidentiality > statement; forbidding us from ever discussing his show in any manner shape > or form.  I figure, o-kay, it’s not legally binding and he ought to trust > us, but what the hey.  Like someone’s cruise would be ruined by them > figuring out that the girl didn’t actually turn into a bowl of fruit or > whatever. > The other story happened toward the end of my contract on the ship.  Same > magician got a chance to audition for an Atlantic City stage show and needed > to send them a video of him on the job.  The MD (Musical Director) called us > in and explained the deal, which included us leading the audience in a > standing ovation at the conclusion of his biggest illusion.  We laughed, > saying, "He should earn an SO like the rest of us," but again, what the hey. > So the show goes well and at the very end, a dancer is supposed to jump out > of a trick box, with a flourish.  The dancer was a guy in drag and if it had > worked would have been kind of funny I suppose, but what happened was as he > was jumping out, his long sequined evening gown got caught on a nail in the > box, so a graceful leap was out of the question–he’s lucky he didn’t bang > his head on the lid tripping over the caught gown!  He tried to jerk it > loose, but it just snagged itself tighter.  The audience and the video > cameras are recording all this, remember.  Finally, the magician comes over > with a big smile and tries to rip the thing loose in a manly show of > strength.  Unfortunately, and I think the women who wear sequined outfits > know this already, those suckers don’t rip easily and definitely not across > a seam.  So you got two or three people tugging on this bright blue sequined > dress worn by a guy, under the lights and camera’s eye, the band playing on, > and faces are getting red and not just from the exertion if you know what I > mean.  Finally, with one big tug they rip a hole in the dress and free the > poor fellow, then they all raise their hands and show dental work to the > audience while the band jumps up and starts applauding.  The audience is > going, what the hell was that? > Don’t know if he got the gig in Atlantic City, but I haven’t seen or heard > of him since. > I got plenty stories.  Like the lounge pianist who couldn’t keep his hands > off the passengers’ daughters but almost never got caught (he’d'a gotten > beached), the single females wanting a Love Boat experience with the > musicians (my wedding ring was no more a deterrent than spreading honey > around a picnic spot keeps away ants), the new MD forgetting to play walk-on > music (even though he’d played the gig as a sideman for weeks), the fake dog > thrown overboard but no one knew it was a fake pooch, the occasional > passengers venting their bigotry of other passengers or crew not knowing I > was crew myself.  Oh yah, I got a few stories.

Response:

>You asked for it.  So here goes.

I don’t think anyone can beat that story, Howard!

Response:

>When the elevator doors opened, I found myself face to >face with this woman (or perhaps a man I thought).  She was in her mid >thirties, very tall, and butt ugly.  She was dressed in a black leather >miniskirt, a red halter made of ostrich feathers, and she donned long >blue satin evening gloves on her arms.

Yikes! What a story that is.  I think the ship you were on was the consummate clincher.  Your description of the ‘typical" Royal Viking Sun/ Seabourn cruiser was important. Karen                 __ /7__/7__/7__  ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::…           http://www.cupcaked.com (…and leave off the "potatoes" to e-mail)

Response:

You have absolutely got to be kidding!  This is the most outrageous behavior I have ever heard of!  (Of course I mean the closing of the elevator, not the "woman":) My inlaws would be very proud of the crew not disturbing the consistency of routine, in order to open the elevator. Shauna

Response:

You asked for it.  So here goes. Let me begin by describing the typical passenger(s) on the Seabourn Sun.   Most passengers were married and a surprisingly large number of married couples included a husband of about 75 to 85 years old and a very well preserved (through plastic surgery, exercise, cosmetics, etc.) 60 to 65 year old wife. Half of the 700 passengers were Brittish and half of these literally spoke the "Queens English". The general atmosphere on this ship was friendly but very reserved. Many of the passengers had sailed numerous times on the ship and one couple whom we befriended occupied the penthouse suite for four months every year.  This particular couple actually left their clothing on the ship year round.  The highlight of the day for most passengers was "team trivia", played every day at noon. Most of the crew were holdovers from the Royal Viking Sun.  Some very important priorities for this ship included order, politeness, and CONSISTENCY.  I have two examples: 1. One night after dinner, a group of passengers stayed around the piano that was played outside the dining room.  When they began to sing along with the pianist, they were quickly and politely silenced by the cruise director. 2. On the eveing that I discovered and reported the shit (about 8:00 PM), the elevator involved was taken out of commission until after midnight.  This was not because it took them four hours to clean and fumigate.  Rather, it was because the shit was located on on a removable piece of carpet in the middle of the elevator on which the day of the week was embossed.  It seems they only had enough daily maps for each elevator.  Thus, rather than confuse the guests for four hours with the wrong day in this elevator, they decided to take it our of service for four hours. Back to the fantom shitter. Two days afer I discovered the shit, I was again in the elevator alone on my way to the dining room. (Eileen is an addicted gambler and when we are not dining, dancing, sleeping or romancing, she can always be found in the casino).  When the elevator doors opened, I found myself face to face with this woman (or perhaps a man I thought).  She was in her mid thirties, very tall, and butt ugly.  She was dressed in a black leather miniskirt, a red halter made of ostrich feathers, and she donned long blue satin evening gloves on her arms. When I described her to my tablemates, one of the couples who were actually the bridge instructors on the ship, indicated that they knew exactly who I was talking about.  They stated that this woman was married to a 100 year old man whom she had met one year earlier on the ship.  They went on to tell me how mean she was to this guy and how the dealers in the casino had complained about her behavior.  It seems that every night, she would come to the casino and and sit at a blackjack table with one leg thrown over the lap of her wheelchair bound, 100 year old husband.  The dealers reported that she never wore any underwear and she cursed like a truck driver (sorry for the cliche but that’s how it was stated) whenever she lost a hand. That night, I witnessed the scene firsthad in the casino.  I even got Eileen to look away from her video poker machine for a few minutes. Within days this woman had become the talk of the ship. And she was obviously the fantom shitter, because she had both motive (she was completely insane) and opportunity (she never wore underwear).  By the second week of the cruise, she was banned from entering the casino. The story continues. On day 13 or 14, we arrived in Casablanca.  The 100 year old man got very sick and was taken to the hospital.  His devoted wife was quoted as stating that there was "no fucking way she was staying in Morocco with him".  She got back on the ship by herself.  That same evening, it was reported that during dinner in the dining room, she removed a mirror from her purse, ran three lines of cocaine on the mirror, and began to snort the stuff. She was immediately put under house arrest and locked in her cabin (there is no brig on the Seabourn Sun).  For the remaining five or six days of this cruise, she spent hours on end, kicking her stateroom door and cursing at the top of her lungs. This was very disturbing for the guests who occupied nearby cabins but very amusing for the rest of us. So that’s the true story.

Response:

Now, that’s funny! Howard – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I also encountered a sample of the same substance when I worked for > Royal Viking Line, but it wasn’t a "phantom" who left it, it was just > a poor man who got incredibly sick. Fortunately for him, he was in a > very uncrowded part of the ship during the dinner hour when it > happened, but I don’t know why he headed for this room instead of back > to his cabin. > While I worked on the same ship I was walking outside the dining room > when I saw a female passenger who had obviously just left the > restroom. Her formal gown was caught in her pantyhose waistline in the > back. I "ahemed" loudly and when she turned around I pointed > discretely to my back. She just started at me quizzically for a long > time until I did a little "your ass is showing" dance for her. Then > she reached behind her and discovered her em-BARE-ASS-ment and > proceded to fix it. > Paul Motter > www.cruisemates.com

Response:

> I would like to hear about the most outrageous or bizarre experiences > that rtc readers have had on cruises.

Oh, I got a few–here’s two about the same fellow (names withheld): While playing music in the orchestra on the Sensy, there was a magician who had the regular formal night gig in the auditorium.  He was pretty good, but after seeing the show a few times I’d figured out how he did his magic.  It wasn’t obvious, he was pretty good, but you notice little details here and there.  Well, I remarked on this in the crew bar one night to my fellow musicians (never would I comment on a show in front of the passengers). Someone must have overheard and reported me, because the next week he was on, he told the CD to compel all the performers who had any contact with his show (stage crew, musicians, dancers, etc.) to sign a confidentiality statement; forbidding us from ever discussing his show in any manner shape or form.  I figure, o-kay, it’s not legally binding and he ought to trust us, but what the hey.  Like someone’s cruise would be ruined by them figuring out that the girl didn’t actually turn into a bowl of fruit or whatever. The other story happened toward the end of my contract on the ship.  Same magician got a chance to audition for an Atlantic City stage show and needed to send them a video of him on the job.  The MD (Musical Director) called us in and explained the deal, which included us leading the audience in a standing ovation at the conclusion of his biggest illusion.  We laughed, saying, "He should earn an SO like the rest of us," but again, what the hey. So the show goes well and at the very end, a dancer is supposed to jump out of a trick box, with a flourish.  The dancer was a guy in drag and if it had worked would have been kind of funny I suppose, but what happened was as he was jumping out, his long sequined evening gown got caught on a nail in the box, so a graceful leap was out of the question–he’s lucky he didn’t bang his head on the lid tripping over the caught gown!  He tried to jerk it loose, but it just snagged itself tighter.  The audience and the video cameras are recording all this, remember.  Finally, the magician comes over with a big smile and tries to rip the thing loose in a manly show of strength.  Unfortunately, and I think the women who wear sequined outfits know this already, those suckers don’t rip easily and definitely not across a seam.  So you got two or three people tugging on this bright blue sequined dress worn by a guy, under the lights and camera’s eye, the band playing on, and faces are getting red and not just from the exertion if you know what I mean.  Finally, with one big tug they rip a hole in the dress and free the poor fellow, then they all raise their hands and show dental work to the audience while the band jumps up and starts applauding.  The audience is going, what the hell was that? Don’t know if he got the gig in Atlantic City, but I haven’t seen or heard of him since. I got plenty stories.  Like the lounge pianist who couldn’t keep his hands off the passengers’ daughters but almost never got caught (he’d'a gotten beached), the single females wanting a Love Boat experience with the musicians (my wedding ring was no more a deterrent than spreading honey around a picnic spot keeps away ants), the new MD forgetting to play walk-on music (even though he’d played the gig as a sideman for weeks), the fake dog thrown overboard but no one knew it was a fake pooch, the occasional passengers venting their bigotry of other passengers or crew not knowing I was crew myself.  Oh yah, I got a few stories.

Response:

>Before the first week of this cruise was over, we had discovered the >identity of this fantom shitter; but that is a whole other story.

Well dont leave us in hanging, tell it

Response:

I also encountered a sample of the same substance when I worked for Royal Viking Line, but it wasn’t a "phantom" who left it, it was just a poor man who got incredibly sick. Fortunately for him, he was in a very uncrowded part of the ship during the dinner hour when it happened, but I don’t know why he headed for this room instead of back to his cabin. While I worked on the same ship I was walking outside the dining room when I saw a female passenger who had obviously just left the restroom. Her formal gown was caught in her pantyhose waistline in the back. I "ahemed" loudly and when she turned around I pointed discretely to my back. She just started at me quizzically for a long time until I did a little "your ass is showing" dance for her. Then she reached behind her and discovered her em-BARE-ASS-ment and proceded to fix it. Paul Motter www.cruisemates.com

Response:

Mike: I can safely say that it wasn’t my dog. : ) However, as the human partner of a service dog team, I can tell you that when I was paired with Heidi I signed an agreement with the program that trained her.  In the simplest terms, it states that I agree to give her the proper care, food, etc. and to represent the program in the most positive light possible. There was a specific portion with regard to how the dog (and I) are to "behave" in public.  She is to wear her vest and leash, no inappropriate sniffing, etc.  If she has an accident, she is my dog, I’m supposed to clean it up.  This lead to much angst among the crew on the first cruise we took her on.  Most members of a cruise ship crew cannot fathom a passenger willing to clean a carpet. I find it hard to believe that any human partner would leave that there.  I guessing it was human.

Response:

Was this the ship that no longer provided bathrooms in the staterooms? (hilarious typo from a review some weeks back) What a story! And on Seabourn no less. This one’s going to be hard to top, Howard. Ben S. (thinks the Sun’s shops ran out of Depends) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I would like to hear about the most outrageous or bizarre experiences > that rtc readers have had on cruises.  Here is one of mine: > Eileen and I were on a 19 day Atlantic crossing of the Seabourn Sun. > On day 4 of this cruise, I stepped into one of the rear elevators on my > way to dinner.  When the doors closed I was overcome with a disgusting > odor. I looked down and found that someone had left a pile of feces in > the center of the elevator. I was alone in the elevator and my first > thought was "what if the doors open and someone thinks that I did this." >   When the elevator stopped, I was relieved to find that no one was > waiting there to board. I rushed to dinner and quickly told my > tablemates what I had encountered. After some laughing, they convinced > me to report this to purser’s desk. I left the table and went to the > purser’s desk. > I stated: "Someone has had an accident in one of the rear elevators." > Reply:  "Have they fallen?  Are they hurt?" > I stated: "No, not that kind of accident." > Reply: "Are they sick?" > I stated: "There is a pile of shit in the elevator." > The expression of horror on the desk clerks face was indescribable. > The next evening, one of the women at our table reported that while > walking in the corridor outside her stateroom, she also encountered a > pile of shit.  She went on to tell us that when she reported this to the > purser’s desk, her conversation went pretty much like mine had. > Before the first week of this cruise was over, we had discovered the > identity of this fantom shitter; but that is a whole other story. > Howard

Response:

Okay, Howard. Who was phantom shitter??? Babette

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I would like to hear about the most outrageous or bizarre experiences > that rtc readers have had on cruises.  Here is one of mine: > Eileen and I were on a 19 day Atlantic crossing of the Seabourn Sun. > On day 4 of this cruise, I stepped into one of the rear elevators on my > way to dinner.  When the doors closed I was overcome with a disgusting > odor. I looked down and found that someone had left a pile of feces in > the center of the elevator. I was alone in the elevator and my first > thought was "what if the doors open and someone thinks that I did this." >   When the elevator stopped, I was relieved to find that no one was > waiting there to board. I rushed to dinner and quickly told my > tablemates what I had encountered. After some laughing, they convinced > me to report this to purser’s desk. I left the table and went to the > purser’s desk. > I stated: "Someone has had an accident in one of the rear elevators." > Reply:  "Have they fallen?  Are they hurt?" > I stated: "No, not that kind of accident." > Reply: "Are they sick?" > I stated: "There is a pile of shit in the elevator." > The expression of horror on the desk clerks face was indescribable. > The next evening, one of the women at our table reported that while > walking in the corridor outside her stateroom, she also encountered a > pile of shit.  She went on to tell us that when she reported this to the > purser’s desk, her conversation went pretty much like mine had. > Before the first week of this cruise was over, we had discovered the > identity of this fantom shitter; but that is a whole other story. > Howard

i can only assume it was a seeing eye dog or some other related helping animal. —Mike Savad —                                       <—> Mike’s Photosig Page –> http://www.photosig.com/userphotos.php?id=9050 Mike’s Canon Powershot Pro90 IS –> Photo Page – http://www.savad.0catch.com/ Mike’s Canon Powershot Pro90 IS –> Photo Page 2 – http://www.pbase.com/savad Mike’s Stained Glass –> http://www.geocities.com/Paris/1141/ <–Stained Glass Tips

Response:

I would like to hear about the most outrageous or bizarre experiences that rtc readers have had on cruises.  Here is one of mine: Eileen and I were on a 19 day Atlantic crossing of the Seabourn Sun. On day 4 of this cruise, I stepped into one of the rear elevators on my way to dinner.  When the doors closed I was overcome with a disgusting odor. I looked down and found that someone had left a pile of feces in the center of the elevator. I was alone in the elevator and my first thought was "what if the doors open and someone thinks that I did this."   When the elevator stopped, I was relieved to find that no one was waiting there to board. I rushed to dinner and quickly told my tablemates what I had encountered. After some laughing, they convinced me to report this to purser’s desk. I left the table and went to the purser’s desk. I stated: "Someone has had an accident in one of the rear elevators." Reply:  "Have they fallen?  Are they hurt?" I stated: "No, not that kind of accident." Reply: "Are they sick?" I stated: "There is a pile of shit in the elevator." The expression of horror on the desk clerks face was indescribable. The next evening, one of the women at our table reported that while walking in the corridor outside her stateroom, she also encountered a pile of shit.  She went on to tell us that when she reported this to the purser’s desk, her conversation went pretty much like mine had. Before the first week of this cruise was over, we had discovered the identity of this fantom shitter; but that is a whole other story. Howard

Response:

I would like to hear about the most outrageous or bizarre experiences that rtc readers have had on cruises.  Here is one of mine: Eileen and I were on a 19 day Atlantic crossing of the Seabourn Sun. On day 4 of this cruise, I stepped into one of the rear elevators on my way to dinner.  When the doors closed I was overcome with a disgusting odor. I looked down and found that someone had left a pile of feces in the center of the elevator. I was alone in the elevator and my first thought was "what if the doors open and someone thinks that I did this."   When the elevator stopped, I was relieved to find that no one was waiting there to board. I rushed to dinner and quickly told my tablemates what I had encountered. After some laughing, they convinced me to report this to purser’s desk. I left the table and went to the purser’s desk. I stated: "Someone has had an accident in one of the rear elevators." Reply:  "Have they fallen?  Are they hurt?" I stated: "No, not that kind of accident." Reply: "Are they sick?" I stated: "There is a pile of shit in the elevator." The expression of horror on the desk clerks face was indescribable. The next evening, one of the women at our table reported that while walking in the corridor outside her stateroom, she also encountered a pile of shit.  She went on to tell us that when she reported this to the purser’s desk, her conversation went pretty much like mine had. Before the first week of this cruise was over, we had discovered the identity of this fantom shitter; but that is a whole other story. Howard

Response:

Was this the ship that no longer provided bathrooms in the staterooms? (hilarious typo from a review some weeks back) What a story! And on Seabourn no less. This one’s going to be hard to top, Howard. Ben S. (thinks the Sun’s shops ran out of Depends) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I would like to hear about the most outrageous or bizarre experiences > that rtc readers have had on cruises.  Here is one of mine: > Eileen and I were on a 19 day Atlantic crossing of the Seabourn Sun. > On day 4 of this cruise, I stepped into one of the rear elevators on my > way to dinner.  When the doors closed I was overcome with a disgusting > odor. I looked down and found that someone had left a pile of feces in > the center of the elevator. I was alone in the elevator and my first > thought was "what if the doors open and someone thinks that I did this." >   When the elevator stopped, I was relieved to find that no one was > waiting there to board. I rushed to dinner and quickly told my > tablemates what I had encountered. After some laughing, they convinced > me to report this to purser’s desk. I left the table and went to the > purser’s desk. > I stated: "Someone has had an accident in one of the rear elevators." > Reply:  "Have they fallen?  Are they hurt?" > I stated: "No, not that kind of accident." > Reply: "Are they sick?" > I stated: "There is a pile of shit in the elevator." > The expression of horror on the desk clerks face was indescribable. > The next evening, one of the women at our table reported that while > walking in the corridor outside her stateroom, she also encountered a > pile of shit.  She went on to tell us that when she reported this to the > purser’s desk, her conversation went pretty much like mine had. > Before the first week of this cruise was over, we had discovered the > identity of this fantom shitter; but that is a whole other story. > Howard

Response:

Okay, Howard. Who was phantom shitter??? Babette

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I would like to hear about the most outrageous or bizarre experiences > that rtc readers have had on cruises.  Here is one of mine: > Eileen and I were on a 19 day Atlantic crossing of the Seabourn Sun. > On day 4 of this cruise, I stepped into one of the rear elevators on my > way to dinner.  When the doors closed I was overcome with a disgusting > odor. I looked down and found that someone had left a pile of feces in > the center of the elevator. I was alone in the elevator and my first > thought was "what if the doors open and someone thinks that I did this." >   When the elevator stopped, I was relieved to find that no one was > waiting there to board. I rushed to dinner and quickly told my > tablemates what I had encountered. After some laughing, they convinced > me to report this to purser’s desk. I left the table and went to the > purser’s desk. > I stated: "Someone has had an accident in one of the rear elevators." > Reply:  "Have they fallen?  Are they hurt?" > I stated: "No, not that kind of accident." > Reply: "Are they sick?" > I stated: "There is a pile of shit in the elevator." > The expression of horror on the desk clerks face was indescribable. > The next evening, one of the women at our table reported that while > walking in the corridor outside her stateroom, she also encountered a > pile of shit.  She went on to tell us that when she reported this to the > purser’s desk, her conversation went pretty much like mine had. > Before the first week of this cruise was over, we had discovered the > identity of this fantom shitter; but that is a whole other story. > Howard

i can only assume it was a seeing eye dog or some other related helping animal. —Mike Savad —                                       <—> Mike’s Photosig Page –> http://www.photosig.com/userphotos.php?id=9050 Mike’s Canon Powershot Pro90 IS –> Photo Page – http://www.savad.0catch.com/ Mike’s Canon Powershot Pro90 IS –> Photo Page 2 – http://www.pbase.com/savad Mike’s Stained Glass –> http://www.geocities.com/Paris/1141/ <–Stained Glass Tips

Response:

>Before the first week of this cruise was over, we had discovered the >identity of this fantom shitter; but that is a whole other story.

Well dont leave us in hanging, tell it

Response:

I also encountered a sample of the same substance when I worked for Royal Viking Line, but it wasn’t a "phantom" who left it, it was just a poor man who got incredibly sick. Fortunately for him, he was in a very uncrowded part of the ship during the dinner hour when it happened, but I don’t know why he headed for this room instead of back to his cabin. While I worked on the same ship I was walking outside the dining room when I saw a female passenger who had obviously just left the restroom. Her formal gown was caught in her pantyhose waistline in the back. I "ahemed" loudly and when she turned around I pointed discretely to my back. She just started at me quizzically for a long time until I did a little "your ass is showing" dance for her. Then she reached behind her and discovered her em-BARE-ASS-ment and proceded to fix it. Paul Motter www.cruisemates.com

Response:

Mike: I can safely say that it wasn’t my dog. : ) However, as the human partner of a service dog team, I can tell you that when I was paired with Heidi I signed an agreement with the program that trained her.  In the simplest terms, it states that I agree to give her the proper care, food, etc. and to represent the program in the most positive light possible. There was a specific portion with regard to how the dog (and I) are to "behave" in public.  She is to wear her vest and leash, no inappropriate sniffing, etc.  If she has an accident, she is my dog, I’m supposed to clean it up.  This lead to much angst among the crew on the first cruise we took her on.  Most members of a cruise ship crew cannot fathom a passenger willing to clean a carpet. I find it hard to believe that any human partner would leave that there.  I guessing it was human.

Response:

Oh, c’mon . . . you can’t keep us hanging like this!  Do tell? Karen – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I would like to hear about the most outrageous or bizarre experiences >that rtc readers have had on cruises.  Here is one of mine: >Eileen and I were on a 19 day Atlantic crossing of the Seabourn Sun. >On day 4 of this cruise, I stepped into one of the rear elevators on my >way to dinner.  When the doors closed I was overcome with a disgusting >odor. I looked down and found that someone had left a pile of feces in >the center of the elevator. I was alone in the elevator and my first >thought was "what if the doors open and someone thinks that I did this." >  When the elevator stopped, I was relieved to find that no one was >waiting there to board. I rushed to dinner and quickly told my >tablemates what I had encountered. After some laughing, they convinced >me to report this to purser’s desk. I left the table and went to the >purser’s desk. >I stated: "Someone has had an accident in one of the rear elevators." >Reply:  "Have they fallen?  Are they hurt?" >I stated: "No, not that kind of accident." >Reply: "Are they sick?" >I stated: "There is a pile of shit in the elevator." >The expression of horror on the desk clerks face was indescribable. >The next evening, one of the women at our table reported that while >walking in the corridor outside her stateroom, she also encountered a >pile of shit.  She went on to tell us that when she reported this to the >purser’s desk, her conversation went pretty much like mine had. >Before the first week of this cruise was over, we had discovered the >identity of this fantom shitter; but that is a whole other story. >Howard

                __ /7__/7__/7__  ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::…           http://www.cupcaked.com (…and leave off the "potatoes" to e-mail)

Response:

> I would like to hear about the most outrageous or bizarre experiences > that rtc readers have had on cruises.

Oh, I got a few–here’s two about the same fellow (names withheld): While playing music in the orchestra on the Sensy, there was a magician who had the regular formal night gig in the auditorium.  He was pretty good, but after seeing the show a few times I’d figured out how he did his magic.  It wasn’t obvious, he was pretty good, but you notice little details here and there.  Well, I remarked on this in the crew bar one night to my fellow musicians (never would I comment on a show in front of the passengers). Someone must have overheard and reported me, because the next week he was on, he told the CD to compel all the performers who had any contact with his show (stage crew, musicians, dancers, etc.) to sign a confidentiality statement; forbidding us from ever discussing his show in any manner shape or form.  I figure, o-kay, it’s not legally binding and he ought to trust us, but what the hey.  Like someone’s cruise would be ruined by them figuring out that the girl didn’t actually turn into a bowl of fruit or whatever. The other story happened toward the end of my contract on the ship.  Same magician got a chance to audition for an Atlantic City stage show and needed to send them a video of him on the job.  The MD (Musical Director) called us in and explained the deal, which included us leading the audience in a standing ovation at the conclusion of his biggest illusion.  We laughed, saying, "He should earn an SO like the rest of us," but again, what the hey. So the show goes well and at the very end, a dancer is supposed to jump out of a trick box, with a flourish.  The dancer was a guy in drag and if it had worked would have been kind of funny I suppose, but what happened was as he was jumping out, his long sequined evening gown got caught on a nail in the box, so a graceful leap was out of the question–he’s lucky he didn’t bang his head on the lid tripping over the caught gown!  He tried to jerk it loose, but it just snagged itself tighter.  The audience and the video cameras are recording all this, remember.  Finally, the magician comes over with a big smile and tries to rip the thing loose in a manly show of strength.  Unfortunately, and I think the women who wear sequined outfits know this already, those suckers don’t rip easily and definitely not across a seam.  So you got two or three people tugging on this bright blue sequined dress worn by a guy, under the lights and camera’s eye, the band playing on, and faces are getting red and not just from the exertion if you know what I mean.  Finally, with one big tug they rip a hole in the dress and free the poor fellow, then they all raise their hands and show dental work to the audience while the band jumps up and starts applauding.  The audience is going, what the hell was that? Don’t know if he got the gig in Atlantic City, but I haven’t seen or heard of him since. I got plenty stories.  Like the lounge pianist who couldn’t keep his hands off the passengers’ daughters but almost never got caught (he’d'a gotten beached), the single females wanting a Love Boat experience with the musicians (my wedding ring was no more a deterrent than spreading honey around a picnic spot keeps away ants), the new MD forgetting to play walk-on music (even though he’d played the gig as a sideman for weeks), the fake dog thrown overboard but no one knew it was a fake pooch, the occasional passengers venting their bigotry of other passengers or crew not knowing I was crew myself.  Oh yah, I got a few stories.

Response:

Now, that’s funny! Howard – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I also encountered a sample of the same substance when I worked for > Royal Viking Line, but it wasn’t a "phantom" who left it, it was just > a poor man who got incredibly sick. Fortunately for him, he was in a > very uncrowded part of the ship during the dinner hour when it > happened, but I don’t know why he headed for this room instead of back > to his cabin. > While I worked on the same ship I was walking outside the dining room > when I saw a female passenger who had obviously just left the > restroom. Her formal gown was caught in her pantyhose waistline in the > back. I "ahemed" loudly and when she turned around I pointed > discretely to my back. She just started at me quizzically for a long > time until I did a little "your ass is showing" dance for her. Then > she reached behind her and discovered her em-BARE-ASS-ment and > proceded to fix it. > Paul Motter > www.cruisemates.com

Response:

You asked for it.  So here goes. Let me begin by describing the typical passenger(s) on the Seabourn Sun.   Most passengers were married and a surprisingly large number of married couples included a husband of about 75 to 85 years old and a very well preserved (through plastic surgery, exercise, cosmetics, etc.) 60 to 65 year old wife. Half of the 700 passengers were Brittish and half of these literally spoke the "Queens English". The general atmosphere on this ship was friendly but very reserved. Many of the passengers had sailed numerous times on the ship and one couple whom we befriended occupied the penthouse suite for four months every year.  This particular couple actually left their clothing on the ship year round.  The highlight of the day for most passengers was "team trivia", played every day at noon. Most of the crew were holdovers from the Royal Viking Sun.  Some very important priorities for this ship included order, politeness, and CONSISTENCY.  I have two examples: 1. One night after dinner, a group of passengers stayed around the piano that was played outside the dining room.  When they began to sing along with the pianist, they were quickly and politely silenced by the cruise director. 2. On the eveing that I discovered and reported the shit (about 8:00 PM), the elevator involved was taken out of commission until after midnight.  This was not because it took them four hours to clean and fumigate.  Rather, it was because the shit was located on on a removable piece of carpet in the middle of the elevator on which the day of the week was embossed.  It seems they only had enough daily maps for each elevator.  Thus, rather than confuse the guests for four hours with the wrong day in this elevator, they decided to take it our of service for four hours. Back to the fantom shitter. Two days afer I discovered the shit, I was again in the elevator alone on my way to the dining room. (Eileen is an addicted gambler and when we are not dining, dancing, sleeping or romancing, she can always be found in the casino).  When the elevator doors opened, I found myself face to face with this woman (or perhaps a man I thought).  She was in her mid thirties, very tall, and butt ugly.  She was dressed in a black leather miniskirt, a red halter made of ostrich feathers, and she donned long blue satin evening gloves on her arms. When I described her to my tablemates, one of the couples who were actually the bridge instructors on the ship, indicated that they knew exactly who I was talking about.  They stated that this woman was married to a 100 year old man whom she had met one year earlier on the ship.  They went on to tell me how mean she was to this guy and how the dealers in the casino had complained about her behavior.  It seems that every night, she would come to the casino and and sit at a blackjack table with one leg thrown over the lap of her wheelchair bound, 100 year old husband.  The dealers reported that she never wore any underwear and she cursed like a truck driver (sorry for the cliche but that’s how it was stated) whenever she lost a hand. That night, I witnessed the scene firsthad in the casino.  I even got Eileen to look away from her video poker machine for a few minutes. Within days this woman had become the talk of the ship. And she was obviously the fantom shitter, because she had both motive (she was completely insane) and opportunity (she never wore underwear).  By the second week of the cruise, she was banned from entering the casino. The story continues. On day 13 or 14, we arrived in Casablanca.  The 100 year old man got very sick and was taken to the hospital.  His devoted wife was quoted as stating that there was "no fucking way she was staying in Morocco with him".  She got back on the ship by herself.  That same evening, it was reported that during dinner in the dining room, she removed a mirror from her purse, ran three lines of cocaine on the mirror, and began to snort the stuff. She was immediately put under house arrest and locked in her cabin (there is no brig on the Seabourn Sun).  For the remaining five or six days of this cruise, she spent hours on end, kicking her stateroom door and cursing at the top of her lungs. This was very disturbing for the guests who occupied nearby cabins but very amusing for the rest of us. So that’s the true story.

Response:

>You asked for it.  So here goes.

I don’t think anyone can beat that story, Howard!

Response:

>When the elevator doors opened, I found myself face to >face with this woman (or perhaps a man I thought).  She was in her mid >thirties, very tall, and butt ugly.  She was dressed in a black leather >miniskirt, a red halter made of ostrich feathers, and she donned long >blue satin evening gloves on her arms.

Yikes! What a story that is.  I think the ship you were on was the consummate clincher.  Your description of the ‘typical" Royal Viking Sun/ Seabourn cruiser was important. Karen                 __ /7__/7__/7__  ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::…           http://www.cupcaked.com (…and leave off the "potatoes" to e-mail)

Response:

You have absolutely got to be kidding!  This is the most outrageous behavior I have ever heard of!  (Of course I mean the closing of the elevator, not the "woman":) My inlaws would be very proud of the crew not disturbing the consistency of routine, in order to open the elevator. Shauna

Response:

Love your stories and would love to hear more. Howard – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I would like to hear about the most outrageous or bizarre experiences >that rtc readers have had on cruises. > Oh, I got a few–here’s two about the same fellow (names withheld): > While playing music in the orchestra on the Sensy, there was a magician who > had the regular formal night gig in the auditorium.  He was pretty good, but > after seeing the show a few times I’d figured out how he did his magic.  It > wasn’t obvious, he was pretty good, but you notice little details here and > there.  Well, I remarked on this in the crew bar one night to my fellow > musicians (never would I comment on a show in front of the passengers). > Someone must have overheard and reported me, because the next week he was > on, he told the CD to compel all the performers who had any contact with his > show (stage crew, musicians, dancers, etc.) to sign a confidentiality > statement; forbidding us from ever discussing his show in any manner shape > or form.  I figure, o-kay, it’s not legally binding and he ought to trust > us, but what the hey.  Like someone’s cruise would be ruined by them > figuring out that the girl didn’t actually turn into a bowl of fruit or > whatever. > The other story happened toward the end of my contract on the ship.  Same > magician got a chance to audition for an Atlantic City stage show and needed > to send them a video of him on the job.  The MD (Musical Director) called us > in and explained the deal, which included us leading the audience in a > standing ovation at the conclusion of his biggest illusion.  We laughed, > saying, "He should earn an SO like the rest of us," but again, what the hey. > So the show goes well and at the very end, a dancer is supposed to jump out > of a trick box, with a flourish.  The dancer was a guy in drag and if it had > worked would have been kind of funny I suppose, but what happened was as he > was jumping out, his long sequined evening gown got caught on a nail in the > box, so a graceful leap was out of the question–he’s lucky he didn’t bang > his head on the lid tripping over the caught gown!  He tried to jerk it > loose, but it just snagged itself tighter.  The audience and the video > cameras are recording all this, remember.  Finally, the magician comes over > with a big smile and tries to rip the thing loose in a manly show of > strength.  Unfortunately, and I think the women who wear sequined outfits > know this already, those suckers don’t rip easily and definitely not across > a seam.  So you got two or three people tugging on this bright blue sequined > dress worn by a guy, under the lights and camera’s eye, the band playing on, > and faces are getting red and not just from the exertion if you know what I > mean.  Finally, with one big tug they rip a hole in the dress and free the > poor fellow, then they all raise their hands and show dental work to the > audience while the band jumps up and starts applauding.  The audience is > going, what the hell was that? > Don’t know if he got the gig in Atlantic City, but I haven’t seen or heard > of him since. > I got plenty stories.  Like the lounge pianist who couldn’t keep his hands > off the passengers’ daughters but almost never got caught (he’d'a gotten > beached), the single females wanting a Love Boat experience with the > musicians (my wedding ring was no more a deterrent than spreading honey > around a picnic spot keeps away ants), the new MD forgetting to play walk-on > music (even though he’d played the gig as a sideman for weeks), the fake dog > thrown overboard but no one knew it was a fake pooch, the occasional > passengers venting their bigotry of other passengers or crew not knowing I > was crew myself.  Oh yah, I got a few stories.

Response:

I am abolutely not kidding. They closed the damn elevator until they could change the mat to the correct day of the week. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > You have absolutely got to be kidding!  This is the most outrageous behavior > I have ever heard of!  (Of course I mean the closing of the elevator, not > the "woman":) > My inlaws would be very proud of the crew not disturbing the consistency of > routine, in order to open the elevator. > Shauna

Response:

I have heard it all now What a story. — Gordon Join us on Arline’s MGC-2003 http://www.mgc2003.com – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> You asked for it.  So here goes. > Let me begin by describing the typical passenger(s) on the Seabourn Sun. >   Most passengers were married and a surprisingly large number of > married couples included a husband of about 75 to 85 years old and a > very well preserved (through plastic surgery, exercise, cosmetics, etc.) > 60 to 65 year old wife. Half of the 700 passengers were Brittish and > half of these literally spoke the "Queens English". > The general atmosphere on this ship was friendly but very reserved. Many > of the passengers had sailed numerous times on the ship and one couple > whom we befriended occupied the penthouse suite for four months every > year.  This particular couple actually left their clothing on the ship > year round.  The highlight of the day for most passengers was "team > trivia", played every day at noon. > Most of the crew were holdovers from the Royal Viking Sun.  Some very > important priorities for this ship included order, politeness, and > CONSISTENCY.  I have two examples: > 1. One night after dinner, a group of passengers stayed around the piano > that was played outside the dining room.  When they began to sing along > with the pianist, they were quickly and politely silenced by the cruise > director. > 2. On the eveing that I discovered and reported the shit (about 8:00 > PM), the elevator involved was taken out of commission until after > midnight.  This was not because it took them four hours to clean and > fumigate.  Rather, it was because the shit was located on on a removable > piece of carpet in the middle of the elevator on which the day of the > week was embossed.  It seems they only had enough daily maps for each > elevator.  Thus, rather than confuse the guests for four hours with the > wrong day in this elevator, they decided to take it our of service for > four hours. > Back to the fantom shitter. > Two days afer I discovered the shit, I was again in the elevator alone > on my way to the dining room. (Eileen is an addicted gambler and when we > are not dining, dancing, sleeping or romancing, she can always be found > in the casino).  When the elevator doors opened, I found myself face to > face with this woman (or perhaps a man I thought).  She was in her mid > thirties, very tall, and butt ugly.  She was dressed in a black leather > miniskirt, a red halter made of ostrich feathers, and she donned long > blue satin evening gloves on her arms. > When I described her to my tablemates, one of the couples who were > actually the bridge instructors on the ship, indicated that they knew > exactly who I was talking about.  They stated that this woman was > married to a 100 year old man whom she had met one year earlier on the > ship.  They went on to tell me how mean she was to this guy and how the > dealers in the casino had complained about her behavior.  It seems that > every night, she would come to the casino and and sit at a blackjack > table with one leg thrown over the lap of her wheelchair bound, 100 year > old husband.  The dealers reported that she never wore any underwear and > she cursed like a truck driver (sorry for the cliche but that’s how it > was stated) whenever she lost a hand. > That night, I witnessed the scene firsthad in the casino.  I even got > Eileen to look away from her video poker machine for a few minutes. > Within days this woman had become the talk of the ship. And she was > obviously the fantom shitter, because she had both motive (she was > completely insane) and opportunity (she never wore underwear).  By the > second week of the cruise, she was banned from entering the casino. > The story continues. > On day 13 or 14, we arrived in Casablanca.  The 100 year old man got > very sick and was taken to the hospital.  His devoted wife was quoted as > stating that there was "no fucking way she was staying in Morocco with > him".  She got back on the ship by herself.  That same evening, it was > reported that during dinner in the dining room, she removed a mirror > from her purse, ran three lines of cocaine on the mirror, and began to > snort the stuff. > She was immediately put under house arrest and locked in her cabin > (there is no brig on the Seabourn Sun).  For the remaining five or six > days of this cruise, she spent hours on end, kicking her stateroom door > and cursing at the top of her lungs. This was very disturbing for the > guests who occupied nearby cabins but very amusing for the rest of us. > So that’s the true story.

Response:

>She was immediately put under house arrest and locked in her cabin >(there is no brig on the Seabourn Sun).  For the remaining five or six >days of this cruise, she spent hours on end, kicking her stateroom door >and cursing at the top of her lungs. This was very disturbing for the >guests who occupied nearby cabins but very amusing for the rest of us.

Damn and I thought Baby could be bad.

Response:

Wow Howard! So you actually got to meet Anne Nicole Smith? <LOL> Jim > You asked for it.  So here goes.

<<SNIP>>   When the elevator doors opened, I found myself face to – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> face with this woman (or perhaps a man I thought).  She was in her mid > thirties, very tall, and butt ugly.  She was dressed in a black leather > miniskirt, a red halter made of ostrich feathers, and she donned long > blue satin evening gloves on her arms. > When I described her to my tablemates, one of the couples who were > actually the bridge instructors on the ship, indicated that they knew > exactly who I was talking about.  They stated that this woman was > married to a 100 year old man whom she had met one year earlier on the > ship.  They went on to tell me how mean she was to this guy and how the > dealers in the casino had complained about her behavior.  It seems that > every night, she would come to the casino and and sit at a blackjack > table with one leg thrown over the lap of her wheelchair bound, 100 year > old husband.  The dealers reported that she never wore any underwear and > she cursed like a truck driver (sorry for the cliche but that’s how it > was stated) whenever she lost a hand.

<<SNIP>>>

Response:

Lordie! And, they call CARNIVAL the "party ships!" Yikes. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >His devoted wife was quoted as >stating that there was "no fucking way she was staying in Morocco with >him".  She got back on the ship by herself.  That same evening, it was >reported that during dinner in the dining room, she removed a mirror >from her purse, ran three lines of cocaine on the mirror, and began to >snort the stuff. >She was immediately put under house arrest and locked in her cabin >(there is no brig on the Seabourn Sun).  For the remaining five or six >days of this cruise, she spent hours on end, kicking her stateroom door >and cursing at the top of her lungs. This was very disturbing for the >guests who occupied nearby cabins but very amusing for the rest of us. >So that’s the true story.

Response:

"When the elevator doors opened, I found myself face to face with this woman (or perhaps a man I thought).  She was in her mid thirties, very tall, and butt ugly.  She was dressed in a black leather miniskirt, a red halter made of ostrich feathers, and she donned long blue satin evening gloves on her arms". Quick! Sign her up for Shipmates! <grin>

Response:

Howard and Eileen, Living in Philadelphia all my life I became friendly with Ken and Elaine Garland.  Ken was a radio personality who did wonderful things for our business before he died, and his wife, Elaine is best remembered for her role in the Rabbi Fred Neulander murder trial. In spite of that, they were our friends, and Fred Neulander was our rabbi for most of my child’s formulative life. Forget all of that.  We want to cruise with you guys because we need people who can excuse any kind of $hit. — DG in Cherry Hill, NJ – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> You asked for it.  So here goes. > Let me begin by describing the typical passenger(s) on the Seabourn Sun. >   Most passengers were married and a surprisingly large number of > married couples included a husband of about 75 to 85 years old and a > very well preserved (through plastic surgery, exercise, cosmetics, etc.) > 60 to 65 year old wife. Half of the 700 passengers were Brittish and > half of these literally spoke the "Queens English". > The general atmosphere on this ship was friendly but very reserved. Many > of the passengers had sailed numerous times on the ship and one couple > whom we befriended occupied the penthouse suite for four months every > year.  This particular couple actually left their clothing on the ship > year round.  The highlight of the day for most passengers was "team > trivia", played every day at noon. > Most of the crew were holdovers from the Royal Viking Sun.  Some very > important priorities for this ship included order, politeness, and > CONSISTENCY.  I have two examples: > 1. One night after dinner, a group of passengers stayed around the piano > that was played outside the dining room.  When they began to sing along > with the pianist, they were quickly and politely silenced by the cruise > director. > 2. On the eveing that I discovered and reported the shit (about 8:00 > PM), the elevator involved was taken out of commission until after > midnight.  This was not because it took them four hours to clean and > fumigate.  Rather, it was because the shit was located on on a removable > piece of carpet in the middle of the elevator on which the day of the > week was embossed.  It seems they only had enough daily maps for each > elevator.  Thus, rather than confuse the guests for four hours with the > wrong day in this elevator, they decided to take it our of service for > four hours. > Back to the fantom shitter. > Two days afer I discovered the shit, I was again in the elevator alone > on my way to the dining room. (Eileen is an addicted gambler and when we > are not dining, dancing, sleeping or romancing, she can always be found > in the casino).  When the elevator doors opened, I found myself face to > face with this woman (or perhaps a man I thought).  She was in her mid > thirties, very tall, and butt ugly.  She was dressed in a black leather > miniskirt, a red halter made of ostrich feathers, and she donned long > blue satin evening gloves on her arms. > When I described her to my tablemates, one of the couples who were > actually the bridge instructors on the ship, indicated that they knew > exactly who I was talking about.  They stated that this woman was > married to a 100 year old man whom she had met one year earlier on the > ship.  They went on to tell me how mean she was to this guy and how the > dealers in the casino had complained about her behavior.  It seems that > every night, she would come to the casino and and sit at a blackjack > table with one leg thrown over the lap of her wheelchair bound, 100 year > old husband.  The dealers reported that she never wore any underwear and > she cursed like a truck driver (sorry for the cliche but that’s how it > was stated) whenever she lost a hand. > That night, I witnessed the scene firsthad in the casino.  I even got > Eileen to look away from her video poker machine for a few minutes. > Within days this woman had become the talk of the ship. And she was > obviously the fantom shitter, because she had both motive (she was > completely insane) and opportunity (she never wore underwear).  By the > second week of the cruise, she was banned from entering the casino. > The story continues. > On day 13 or 14, we arrived in Casablanca.  The 100 year old man got > very sick and was taken to the hospital.  His devoted wife was quoted as > stating that there was "no fucking way she was staying in Morocco with > him".  She got back on the ship by herself.  That same evening, it was > reported that during dinner in the dining room, she removed a mirror > from her purse, ran three lines of cocaine on the mirror, and began to > snort the stuff. > She was immediately put under house arrest and locked in her cabin > (there is no brig on the Seabourn Sun).  For the remaining five or six > days of this cruise, she spent hours on end, kicking her stateroom door > and cursing at the top of her lungs. This was very disturbing for the > guests who occupied nearby cabins but very amusing for the rest of us. > So that’s the true story.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Mike: > I can safely say that it wasn’t my dog. : ) > However, as the human partner of a service dog team, I can tell you > that when I was paired with Heidi I signed an agreement with the > program that trained her.  In the simplest terms, it states that I > agree to give her the proper care, food, etc. and to represent the > program in the most positive light possible. > There was a specific portion with regard to how the dog (and I) are to > "behave" in public.  She is to wear her vest and leash, no > inappropriate sniffing, etc.  If she has an accident, she is my dog, > I’m supposed to clean it up.  This lead to much angst among the crew > on the first cruise we took her on.  Most members of a cruise ship > crew cannot fathom a passenger willing to clean a carpet. > I find it hard to believe that any human partner would leave that > there.  I guessing it was human.

i was wondering how you do clean up after her. i know you can teach a dog alot of neat tricks – but can you teach her to sit on a toilet? or is there a pan in the bathroom? —Mike Savad —                                       <—> Mike’s Photosig Page –> http://www.photosig.com/userphotos.php?id=9050 Mike’s Canon Powershot Pro90 IS –> Photo Page – http://www.savad.0catch.com/ Mike’s Canon Powershot Pro90 IS –> Photo Page 2 – http://www.pbase.com/savad Mike’s Stained Glass –> http://www.geocities.com/Paris/1141/ <–Stained Glass Tips

Response:

…and my wife can’t understand why I am addicted to RTC!  I just printed out your story to show her.  Maybe now she will understand. – Steve B. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> You asked for it.  So here goes.

Response:

I printed it out as well. lived in the Phila area most of my life. Thanks for a great story.

Response:

Filed under: Mens Wedding Rings