Wedding Rings

Holly & Ken's Ceremony (long)

Question:

I really will do a summary…probably after I finish the thank you notes…meanwhile, here is the complete text of our ceremony, on which we got many compliments.  I wrote the whole thing, after much reading of books and websites, and our officiant (a judge who is an old frat brother of Ken’s dad) read it pretty much as it appears here.  The ceremony took place on the lawn outside the Faculty Club on the UC Berkeley campus — surrounded by trees and BEAUTIFUL BLUE SKY which we lucked into.  The weather was perfect — sunny but not too hot.  Ken and I stood on a little platform, about 6 inches high, which was draped with an ivory sheet, with the judge in front of us (he did move to the side during the vows).  We faced the guests throughout (I always found it irritating to stare at the couple’s backs the whole time), and the platform allowed everyone to see our faces even with the judge standing in front of us. Feel free to borrow parts or whole. Holly (& Ken) 8/25/96 *Processional [Ken's attendants enter: paired in reverse height order, with Karen & Eliot [the Best Man and his wife, who is also Ken's sister] last.  Ken enters escorted by Brad & Sue [Ken's parents].  As Brad & Sue take their places, Holly’s attendants enter: in reverse height order with Garrett & Stacy [the Best Woman and her husband] last. Then Katy Rose [the flower girl -- she was adorable.  When she reached the front of the aisle, she reportedly looked into her basket of flower petals and then turned the basket upside down and shook it to make sure all the petals came out!  Of course, I was still lurking around the corner and didn't get to see this.  I only heard later why everyone laughed.  One of my cousins says he got a photo.].  Then Holly escorted by Dave & Ann [my parents].  [When I got to the front, Ken was still on the lawn.  He "handed" me up on to the platform and then joined me, which was kinda romantic!] *Statements of Intention Kenneth McCroskey Wait, do you come in good faith to be married to Holly, to become her lawfully wedded husband and join your life to hers? [Ken: "I do"] Holly Ann Lewis, do you come in good faith to be married to Ken, to become his lawfully wedded wife and join your life to his? [Holly: "I do"] Marriage, in some form, has been present in nearly every culture of humankind.  It is universally regarded as one of the crucial events of human life, taking its place with the arrival in this world through birth and the departure from life through death as an important passage.  But in this time and place, when so many couples socialize together, live together, even have children together without feeling the need for a legal marriage, the decision to get married is also a uniquely personal one.  Ken and Holly have chosen to marry, and they have chosen to undertake a wedding ritual before you, their friends and families, in the hope that their new legal and social bonds will strengthen the bond of love they have already created.  On their behalf, I ask you all to uphold and support this marriage.  Will you, as a community, promise to support Ken and Holly and help them to preserve their marriage? [The wedding party, families, and assembly: "We will"] Please be seated. *Preamble Marriage is not a simple one-time event, marking a dramatic before-and-after change.  A marriage takes place over a period of years, as two people braid together their aspirations and fears, their hopes and plans, and build trust in each other.  A wedding is the formal and public acknowledgement of that braid which is already being created and which will continue to change. The wedding is the couple’s public announcement and public celebration of their commitment never to let that braid unravel.  The public celebration is just a symbol, but it is an important symbol. Like the separate strands of a braid, Ken and Holly’s hearts and minds will be distinct, but interdependent.  They will join, but not merge, their lives. In true love, the uniqueness of each person is respected and appreciated. Marriage is not only about obligations to each other.  It is also about love and about joy, the joy that comes from being loved with all your faults and all your strengths.  Ken and Holly have agreed to bind themselves in marriage because they are each enriched by this bond. Marriage also marks the merging of two families.  By deciding to formalize their love in this way, Ken and Holly have, in effect, drawn their parents and siblings, aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents into the same family tree.  The strands of Ken and Holly’s lives are part of the tapestry of the lives of their entire families, and forming a pleasing whole out of all of those individual patterns is often one of the most difficult tasks of a good marriage.  Ken and Holly have told me how important a close family is to both of them, and that they hope to continue to successfully weave each other into the pattern of their families’ lives. There are many different patterns one might use to create a braid from separate strands, and even a single braid contains many twists and turns. The braid of Ken and Holly’s marriage may change as inner or outside forces dictate.  Ken and Holly may have reached agreement about where and how they will live, their intent to have children and how to raise them, and in what ways they will care for one another.  But those of you here who have been married for many years know how experience, good and bad, can change plans and reshape a relationship.  From the major issues of a life, such as the meaning of family, to the minor, such as the proper direction to hang the toilet paper, a married couple will not always agree, but they have resolved that they will face those issues together, with faith and confidence in each other and good will.  Ken and Holly have decided that they can count on each other.  That is their most important agreement, and the vows you will hear them make today flow from that commitment. *Exchange of Vows Ken, please now make your promises to your bride. [Ken:  "I, Ken Wait, take you, Holly, to be my lawfully wedded wife from this day forward.  I promise to stay by your side in joy and sorrow, in sickness and health, in good times and bad.  I promise to be the best husband to you that I can be and the best father to our future children.  I promise to be honest with you and to always believe the best of you, even while I accept your worst.  I promise to teach you and to learn from you.  I promise to honor and cherish you, comfort and encourage you, respect and support you. Most of all, I promise to love you above all others for the rest of our days on this earth."] Holly, please now make your promises to your groom. [Holly:  "I, Holly Lewis, take you, Ken, to be my lawfully wedded husband from this day forward.  I promise to stay by your side in joy and sorrow, in sickness and health, in good times and bad.  I promise to be the best wife to you that I can be and the best mother to our future children.  I promise to be honest with you and to always believe the best of you, even while I accept your worst.  I promise to teach you and to learn from you.  I promise to honor and cherish you, comfort and encourage you, respect and support you. Most of all, I promise to love you above all others for the rest of our days on this earth."] [We read our vows without any "repeat after me" stuff.  We wanted to memorize them, but we just didn't have time.  Ken put a printout of this part of the script in his pocket and we read it.] *Exchange of Rings [To Eliot & Stacy] May I have the rings, please? [To Ken & Holly] You have chosen to wear wedding rings, as the symbol of the promises you have made today.  May these rings remind you every day of the love you share. Ken [placing the ring on Holly's hand]:  "With this ring, I thee wed." Holly [placing the ring on Ken's hand]: "With this ring, I thee wed." *Signing of Marriage Certificate Ken and Holly’s promises to each other are the most significant part of this wedding ceremony.  But a marriage is also a contract between the couple and the state.  The state sanctions marriage and gives certain privileges to legally married couples because the commitment of individuals to each other and to their children contributes to a stable society.  This document that legalizes your marriage is not especially beautiful or romantic, but it may well be the most important piece of paper you will ever sign.  With this, you acknowledge to the state and your community your responsibility for each other and for your future children. [Ken, Holly, Eliot, and Stacy sign certificate. [It was on a lectern-type thingie, supplied by the Club, off to one side and kind of behind the Best Man.  Ken taped the certificate to the podium with duct tape! to make sure it wouldn't blow off.  Ken "handed" me off of and back on to our platform.  After we got there, we realized that Ken and I had actually already signed the certificate at the recorder's office -- I'd thought we were supposed to sign it again, but no -- so we just faked it, and Stacy and Eliot really signed it.] *Pronouncement of Marriage By the authority vested in me by the State of California as a judge of the Superior Court, I now sentence you to life

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