Wedding Rings

Deceased Parents

Question:

This reply was posted and mailed to the original author. >What an interesting idea!  Combining a funeral with a wedding! That’s sure to be >the talk of the town for a loooooong time and would earn the bride a special >place in Etiquette Hell. >Noe

        Might as well invite all of Heaven in ! I want the photo-op and a copy of the video ! Regards, John S. Douglas          Spectrum Photographic Inc Photographer           http://www.spectrumphoto.com Darkroom processes, formulas, facts and information. Weddings,portraits,commercial and stock photography

Response:

Who cares about etiquette???  I feel almost like doing everything I possibly can AGAINST etiquette…I get so sick hearing about "You can’t do this, you can’t do that…it’s against ETIQUETTE!" If the BRIDE and GROOM want to do something in THEIR wedding to remember a lost loved one, leave them alone…if you do not like it or do not approve then TOUGH…do what you want in YOUR wedding.  Have you never lost someone close to you?  Do you not wish someone could still be with you in your wedding?  Sheesh.   Lynn – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Absolutely. >A moment of silence. >Never before have I seen such a tribute. Follow up with uplifting and >inspirational stories about said loved ones. After a solemn moment, the mood >needs to be lifted to what it should be like at a wedding. Be creative, and >true to the people you want to remember. >Another approach I have seen is to include a photo of the loved one(s) among >the decorations in the church. Give them an honorary "seat" proceding over >the affair, and everyone will understand your wish to have them present at >your service. > What an interesting idea!  Combining a funeral with a wedding! That’s sure to be > the talk of the town for a loooooong time and would earn the bride a special > place in Etiquette Hell. > Noe

Response:

>Who cares about etiquette???  I feel almost like doing everything I >possibly can AGAINST etiquette…I get so sick hearing about "You can’t >do this, you can’t do that…it’s against ETIQUETTE!" >If the BRIDE and GROOM want to do something in THEIR wedding to remember >a lost loved one, leave them alone…if you do not like it or do not >approve then TOUGH…do what you want in YOUR wedding.  Have you never >lost someone close to you?  Do you not wish someone could still be with >you in your wedding?  Sheesh.  

Yes, but I would never dream of making other people feel sad, squeamish, uncomfortable, depressed, sorry to be there, unhappy, ill or anything else just because it was "my" wedding. Those who are invited to a wedding expect to attend a happy occasion. If they had wanted to go to a funeral or another event in which dead people are the topic de jour, I’m sure they would have opted to do so. Talking about dead people at a wedding is simply morbid. This is more than etiquette. This about common decency and having concern about others. It’s about bring selfless instead of selfish. It’s called maturity. Noe

Response:

> My father passed away 4 years ago.  Grandma passed 3 years > ago and Grandpa, who was supposed to give me away passed > away Thursday.  Does anyone have any ideas on how to honor > them in a special way at my wedding?

The challenge here is to make the remembrance meaningful without making guests uncomfortable. People have very different levels of comfort with mentions of death on a joyous occasion. Some of us are completely okay with references to people who are "with us in spirit" — others squirm at any mention at all. You’re the best judge of where your guests stand on this. A good host does not make guests uncomfortable if it can be prevented. A *brief* mention in the wedding program and/or in the prayers during the ceremony is within the comfort level for *most* but not all guests. Wearing a special piece of jewelry, carrying a special flower, playing a special piece of music, using a special reading, leaving your bouquet on a grave privately, or being unescorted because your chosen escort is not available — without mentioning it to the guests in general — can mean a great deal to you and can offend no one. Lighting candles or having special flowers for a beloved and departed relative is a little riskier, especially as you draw more attention to it. In some churches, this is so common that no one is the least bit bothered by it; in others, it might be seriously out of place. When you reach the point of putting roses on empty seats, I think you’re starting to step over the line into items that will make your guests acutely uncomfortable — because it draws attention to absence, rather than to the gift the person gave with their presence. There are a few communities where it’s acceptable to have photos of the departed as part of the ceremony decorations. If you’re in one of these communities, you’ll know it, and I’d think twice about importing this custom to a place where it’s never been done before. Freaked-out relatives (remember — they *also* miss your grandparents!) do not add much to a wedding day. Definitely look at what your other relatives or close friends have done, and how it went — they’re a better measure of your *local* standards. Wende

Response:

>    There are ways to privately honor a deceased relative at a > wedding.  (Visiting the grave site after the wedding, carrying a momento > of the deceased in the wedding, and so on)  I’m not understanding why a > bride and groom would want to make a public display of it when the public > rememberance would make a large percentage of the guest uncomfortable.

You’re presupposing that a remebrance would make a "large percentage" of the guests uncomfortable. For many people, that simply isn’t true.  For some it is, but each HC should know their family and friends well enough to know what is common amongst them. Your guests aren’t some random strangers, so you know how they will deal.  In our case, a large percentage of guests would feel uncomfortable if everyone pretended to forget a departed relative, because that’s not the reality of how *we* view death. (I will repeat, though, that one should be wary of how much they do – large displays do tend to be impersonal, whereas someone’s heart felt "Let’s pray for those who are with us in spirit" or "I know so-and-so would be very happy for you today" would be personal and simple.) Cherise Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

     As I have said in other posts to the list, our wedding is going to be a very small wedding…there will be no one there that will even remotely think of anything we do to honor my parents or my fiance’s brother even remotely selfish…I will guarantee that.  Besides…what’s wrong with a few additional sentences in the vows, me wearing a few pieces of my mother’s jewelry and having a very special yellow rose in my bouquet because it was both my mom and my dad’s favorite flower?  I was not the one that posted something about leaving empty chairs, having pictures at the reception, telling of the lost loved one’s life in a toast…No, *I* wouldn’t do that either…but if that person wants to do it, that’s their right.      All I am saying is that it’s up to the individuals getting married…what THEY want to do…  We are doing what is meaningful to US, what will make our day memorable and special to US…neither of us could care less what is written somewhere in a book…       My parents are two of the four most important people in my life, my fiance and my daughter, the other two.  The fact that my parents cannot be with me at my wedding hurts me DEEPLY.  I will walk down the aisle by myself because no one can replace my father, my fiance will walk halfway down and meet me.         Maybe my emotions are just raw today as it is the 13th "anniversary" of my father’s death, my mother’s birthday is the 15th of August and our wedding is the 19th…I’m sorry if you think I’m selfish but we are doing what we feel will be our way of remembering my parents and his brother at our wedding and I’m sure it will be beautiful. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > This reply was posted and mailed to the original author. >         Your reasoning is selfish. I had lost my father, step father > and aunt and my wife had lost both parents prior to or wedding. Should > we have taken the time to honor them all ? Did all of our guests know > them ? >         And yes, doing so would have been completely and utterly > selfishness. >         Rail against etiquette if you like but it is a good guide for > those who are less selfish and "me/mine" centered. > Regards, > John S. Douglas          Spectrum Photographic Inc > Photographer           http://www.spectrumphoto.com > Darkroom processes, formulas, facts and information. > Weddings,portraits,commercial and stock photography >Who cares about etiquette???  I feel almost like doing everything I >possibly can AGAINST etiquette…I get so sick hearing about "You can’t >do this, you can’t do that…it’s against ETIQUETTE!" >If the BRIDE and GROOM want to do something in THEIR wedding to remember >a lost loved one, leave them alone…if you do not like it or do not >approve then TOUGH…do what you want in YOUR wedding.  Have you never >lost someone close to you?  Do you not wish someone could still be with >you in your wedding?  Sheesh. >Lynn

Response:

> Who cares about etiquette???  I feel almost like doing everything I > possibly can AGAINST etiquette…I get so sick hearing about "You can’t > do this, you can’t do that…it’s against ETIQUETTE!" > If the BRIDE and GROOM want to do something in THEIR wedding to remember > a lost loved one, leave them alone…if you do not like it or do not > approve then TOUGH…do what you want in YOUR wedding.  Have you never > lost someone close to you?  Do you not wish someone could still be with > you in your wedding?  Sheesh.  

Yes, I lost someone very close to me  -my grandfather, and my uncle.  Yes, I wish they could have been there.  HOwever, I would not have even considered bringing up their deaths at my wedding.  Why?  Because I would not inflict that pain on my guests, especially my grandmother (wife AND mother) on what is to be a happy occasion.  MAYBE I could see carrying a flower in memory, or putting a picture on a table with some other pictures, but I would certainly not try to call attention to it.  It should be between you and you FH, and if other guests know because you’ve mentioned it fine, but why the need to make it part of the ceremony.  The day is supposed to be celebrating your union, not their deaths… Christi

Response:

> Who cares about etiquette???  I feel almost like doing everything I > possibly can AGAINST etiquette…

Well, since etiquette is about making sure that your guests are not uncomfortable, I hope to never be invited to an event of yours. Honestly – take some time to learn what etiquette is.  It’s not just a list of stuffy rules and regulations that some old lady from the 1800’s thought up and wrote down.  Etiquette is a general guideline of a way to act/speak/write in situations that aren’t familiar or everyday. Etiquette is about trying not to inadvertantly offend or upset people. In fact a few months ago someone else wrote a wonderful explanation of etiquette and it’s role in society.  You can find what she wrote at http://x25.deja.com/[ST_rn=ps]/getdoc.xp?AN=461689010&CONTEXT=933613856. 2056388818&hitnum=62 if you’re interested in following this through. > If the BRIDE and GROOM want to do something in THEIR wedding to > remember a lost loved one, leave them alone…if you do not like > it or do not approve then TOUGH…do what you want in YOUR wedding. ‘

This attitude of "do what you want ’cause it’s YOUR wedding" is the very problem that everyone is trying to address.  Is it acceptable to make people uncomfortable and/or sad simply because it’s your wedding and that’s what makes you happy?  It would be one thing if it was something like – say – wearing a veil at a second wedding.  According to etiquette, a second time bride shouldn’t do so, but does it hurt anyone else?  No.  You may get talked about a little by some people, but if it doesn’t bother you, then ok.  But "honoring" a dead person at your wedding can and does make people – your guests – uncomfortable. Probably not all of them, and maybe not any of them.  But do you want to take that chance? > Have you never lost someone close to you?  Do you not wish someone > could still be with you in your wedding?  Sheesh.

Yes, my mother died 4 months ago tomorrow.  I am thankful every day that she was able to be at my wedding.  But you know what – if my brother got married and had a moment of silence at his wedding (or some other publicly announced rememberance) for my Mom, I would burst into tears and have to leave the room.  And I know that it would make the other guests very, very uncomfortable.  Is that what you want to happen? OTOH, I would be content to know that maybe his bride was wearing my mother’s wedding ring or that my brother had tucked her prayer book in his pocket.  That would be a private and bitter-sweet rememberance that I could deal with.  And a toast at the reception that included my Mom’s name would be very sweet – soemthing along the lines of "I know Mom’s here today celebrating with us."  But to make a big deal of it would be just horrible. Just my $0.02 Karen Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

I think that the important thing here is the assupmtion that a remembrance would make "a large percentage of the guests uncomfortable." There are very few people coming to my wedding (my family, Jim’s family, and friends) that didn’t know and love my mother. Mentioning her and placing a rose on the altar in her memory isn’t going to make anyone uncomfortable. Pretending that she isn’t in all of our thoughts most likely would. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Who cares about etiquette???  I feel almost like doing everything I >possibly can AGAINST etiquette…I get so sick hearing about "You can’t >do this, you can’t do that…it’s against ETIQUETTE!" >If the BRIDE and GROOM want to do something in THEIR wedding to remember >a lost loved one, leave them alone…if you do not like it or do not >approve then TOUGH…do what you want in YOUR wedding.  Have you never >lost someone close to you?  Do you not wish someone could still be with >you in your wedding?  Sheesh. >         There are ways to privately honor a deceased relative at a > wedding.  (Visiting the grave site after the wedding, carrying a momento > of the deceased in the wedding, and so on)  I’m not understanding why a > bride and groom would want to make a public display of it when the public > rememberance would make a large percentage of the guest uncomfortable. > Kris

– Sometimes it’s not enough to be the center of attention. Sometimes it’s not enough to get the round of applause. Sometimes you just need to be worshipped. That’s why they call us Divas… it means goddess, you know.   -Rosa Ponselle

Response:

> However, I also wouldn’t go to extremes – a prayer of the faithful, a > <short> comment in a toast, any simple acknowledgement would be > appropriate for us. It’s a matter of acknowledging without *dwelling* > on  it. If your friends and family are of the sort who celebrate a > life well lived, then they will not find it morbid to have one’s name > mentioned.

I would think that what Cherise wrote is sort of key to the whole issue here.  I don’t see anything wrong with a brief mention of someone close to you who had passed away.  In the Catholic and Episcopalian ceremony there is a section of prayer for those who have died and it would be fitting to mention specific names in that part.  Also, a toast at the reception – I know if my Mom had died before my wedding I would have made brief mention about knowing she was with us on this happy day. Period. The problem that I’m seeing is that people are wanting to combine much more elaborate ‘rememberances’ as a major part of the ceremony or reception.  I would agree that putting photographs of people who have passed away at the front of the church during the ceremony or having a "moment of silence" specifically to remember a deceased family member during the ceremony, or making a huge fuss about it is not appropriate and would most likely make some guests uncomfortable. I personally much prefer the simpler, more intimate rememberances.  To me it’s more personal to have a rememberance that only those close to me recognize than it is to spell it out to the whole group – then it becomes less intimate and personl and more of a display for the people present.  (For example, at my Mom’s memorial service, I wore her pearls – the ones that my father gave her when they got married and that I wore at my own wedding.  The only people who noticed were my father and my best friend and they both commented on how special it was and how glad they were that I wore them then.  But I didn’t feel the need to make an announcement about it or point out to everyone there that I was wearing them.  It was enough to do it and know in my heart what it meant.) Karen Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

. > Yes, but I would never dream of making other people feel sad, squeamish, > uncomfortable, depressed, sorry to be there, unhappy, ill or anything else just > because it was "my" wedding. Those who are invited to a wedding expect to attend > a happy occasion. If they had wanted to go to a funeral or another event in > which dead people are the topic de jour, I’m sure they would have opted to do > so. Talking about dead people at a wedding is simply morbid.

Some people talk about those who have passed as a way of celebrating their life. For many people, it’s insulting *not* to mention them. It’s not the least bit morbid to remember a person’s role in one’s life. For *you* it may be, but remember that many many people see death as a part of life, and a life is to be celebrated, and life is a part of what marriage is all about.   A wedding, for many, is not a show in which only happy thoughts are allowed (and who’s to say that thinking of a departed loved one *isn’t* happy?). It is a life event, often a very important event in the life of a family, which still includes those who have already passed. For the original poster – ask your family and close friends how they feel about it. Be conscientious of how much is acceptable to them, because they are who matter. I know for a fact that my family and friends would find it incredibly odd if no mention was made of my deceased brother. They would likely mention him themselves if we didn’t. However, I also wouldn’t go to extremes – a prayer of the faithful, a <short> comment in a toast, any simple acknowledgement would be appropriate for us. It’s a matter of acknowledging without *dwelling* on it. If your friends and family are of the sort who celebrate a life well lived, then they will not find it morbid to have one’s name mentioned. C>

Response:

This reply was posted and mailed to the original author. >This is more than etiquette. This about common decency and having concern about >others. It’s about bring selfless instead of selfish. It’s called maturity. >Noe

        Maturity ? From someone getting married ? Imagine that ! Regards, John S. Douglas          Spectrum Photographic Inc Photographer           http://www.spectrumphoto.com Darkroom processes, formulas, facts and information. Weddings,portraits,commercial and stock photography

Response:

This is the best way of honoring them at your wedding…this is what I am doing at my wedding.. having a picture of them right in front of the pew…where everyone can see them..and say in remembrance of… then we will make a comment on our wedding…and reception too hex – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >My father passed away 4 years ago.  Grandma passed 3 years >ago and Grandpa, who was supposed to give me away passed >away Thursday.  Does anyone have any ideas on how to honor >them in a special way at my wedding? >Thanks >* Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * >The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

This reply was posted and mailed to the original author.         Your reasoning is selfish. I had lost my father, step father and aunt and my wife had lost both parents prior to or wedding. Should we have taken the time to honor them all ? Did all of our guests know them ?         And yes, doing so would have been completely and utterly selfishness.         Rail against etiquette if you like but it is a good guide for those who are less selfish and "me/mine" centered. Regards, John S. Douglas          Spectrum Photographic Inc Photographer           http://www.spectrumphoto.com Darkroom processes, formulas, facts and information. Weddings,portraits,commercial and stock photography – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Who cares about etiquette???  I feel almost like doing everything I >possibly can AGAINST etiquette…I get so sick hearing about "You can’t >do this, you can’t do that…it’s against ETIQUETTE!" >If the BRIDE and GROOM want to do something in THEIR wedding to remember >a lost loved one, leave them alone…if you do not like it or do not >approve then TOUGH…do what you want in YOUR wedding.  Have you never >lost someone close to you?  Do you not wish someone could still be with >you in your wedding?  Sheesh.   >Lynn

Response:

I once attended a wedding in which the bride had lost her father many years before.  She had a picture of him on a table where she and the groom also placed a number of other pictures of both sides of the family.  Later, the bride’s younger brother mentioned their father in his tosast to the HC — he said something like, "Thos of us who knew him can feel his presence here today, and that is a very special thing."  I am one of the world’s biggest cynics, but the beauty and simplicity of their sentiments moved me so deeply that I started crying (along with everybody else).  I understand and respect Noe’s point of view, and yet I can’t help but think that marriage is, in a sense, about forming relationships that will last beyond our death.  A simple reminder of those we love on that day need not be depressing or maudlin, but rather part of a larger celebration of life, and the lives of those who have touched and influenced us. Bookgrrrl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->My father passed away 4 years ago.  Grandma passed 3 years >ago and Grandpa, who was supposed to give me away passed >away Thursday.  Does anyone have any ideas on how to honor >them in a special way at my wedding? >         In my friend’s wedding, they had a white "Memorial" Candle lit > along with the Unity Candle.  The program at that point was something > like:  "This memorial candle is lit in loving memory of Mrs. Jane Doe, > the grandmother of the bride, and Mr. John Smith, the groom’s uncle". > I thought it was a tactful and meaningful way of honoring the deceased. >          Some traditions also call for putting the bridal bouquet on > graves, but if the bride wants to keep her bouquet, I suppose one like > it could be delivered to the cemetary. > Ariane

Response:

>Absolutely. >A moment of silence. >Never before have I seen such a tribute. Follow up with uplifting and >inspirational stories about said loved ones. After a solemn moment, the mood >needs to be lifted to what it should be like at a wedding. Be creative, and >true to the people you want to remember. >Another approach I have seen is to include a photo of the loved one(s) among >the decorations in the church. Give them an honorary "seat" proceding over >the affair, and everyone will understand your wish to have them present at >your service.

What an interesting idea!  Combining a funeral with a wedding! That’s sure to be the talk of the town for a loooooong time and would earn the bride a special place in Etiquette Hell. Noe

Response:

Jennifer,      This is beautiful, thank you for posting this.  My parents are both gone…(Dad 13 years ago today in fact…sniffle) and my fiance and I wanted to include some sort of remembrance in our wedding next month. Before anyone feels they have to flame me…this will be a very small wedding and everyone who will be there knows how I feel about my parents being gone and it will not offend anyone or make anyone sad…      I get the feeling it is a Catholic prayer, and we are not…however, I will ask the minister that marries us if there is some form of this he can say to this effect.  Absolutely touching words…thanks again. Lynn – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > At our service, we have a special verse in the Prayer of the Faithful, > that goes something like "For our friends and loved ones who travel with > us on life’s journey, and for those who have gone to the other side of > life.  Particularly for HisGrandfather and HerGrandfather and > HerGrandmother, who have witnessed their grandchildren’s sacred vows from > their glorious places in heaven, that we may continue theirlegacy of > love, let us pray to the Lord." > (This is just our verse, and not to force our religious views on you, > but just to give you an idea of how we mentioned them.  Please don’t > take offense – none is intended.)

Response:

I carried a handkerchief of my Grandmother’s wrapped around the base of my bouquet.  My husband had my Papa’s handkerchief in his pocket.  The only ones who knew this were close family.  I wanted to remember them, but not upset anyone else. Suzy married to Tony 10-24-98 – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > My father passed away 4 years ago.  Grandma passed 3 years > ago and Grandpa, who was supposed to give me away passed > away Thursday.  Does anyone have any ideas on how to honor > them in a special way at my wedding? > Thanks > * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * > The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

Absolutely. A moment of silence. Never before have I seen such a tribute. Follow up with uplifting and inspirational stories about said loved ones. After a solemn moment, the mood needs to be lifted to what it should be like at a wedding. Be creative, and true to the people you want to remember. Another approach I have seen is to include a photo of the loved one(s) among the decorations in the church. Give them an honorary "seat" proceding over the affair, and everyone will understand your wish to have them present at your service. Kevin Paul Photography

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My father passed away 4 years ago.  Grandma passed 3 years > ago and Grandpa, who was supposed to give me away passed > away Thursday.  Does anyone have any ideas on how to honor > them in a special way at my wedding? > Thanks > * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * > The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

I wouldn’t do anything, but you can mention something in the program.  I have seen this done in a subtle way, and it worked nicely. Kelli – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > My father passed away 4 years ago.  Grandma passed 3 years > ago and Grandpa, who was supposed to give me away passed > away Thursday.  Does anyone have any ideas on how to honor > them in a special way at my wedding? > Thanks > * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * > The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

Hello, I have the same problem. My father died 5 years ago and all of my grandparents are dead. My fiance’s Dad just died last December. I have been thinking of how to honor them as well. I am thinking of lighting a candle for them, maybe put a little blurb about them in our program, I’m going to carry a picture of my Dad in my bouquet somehow. I am still searching for ideas as well. Good Luck and I’m sorry to hear about your Grandfather. Jenni

Response:

>My father passed away 4 years ago.  Grandma passed 3 years >ago and Grandpa, who was supposed to give me away passed >away Thursday.  Does anyone have any ideas on how to honor >them in a special way at my wedding?

        In my friend’s wedding, they had a white "Memorial" Candle lit along with the Unity Candle.  The program at that point was something like:  "This memorial candle is lit in loving memory of Mrs. Jane Doe, the grandmother of the bride, and Mr. John Smith, the groom’s uncle". I thought it was a tactful and meaningful way of honoring the deceased.          Some traditions also call for putting the bridal bouquet on graves, but if the bride wants to keep her bouquet, I suppose one like it could be delivered to the cemetary.   Ariane

Response:

My father died two years ago and didn’t get a chance to meet FH.  I get tearied eyed everytime I think about my Dad not being there.  I don’t think I can have anything said about my Dad at the ceremony.  It will make me sad and I know I will cry.  Instead, I will carry a yellow rose in my bouquet of white calla lillies, and my Mom will carry a yellow rose with some greenery. I am going to put something in the program about my Dad and the symbolism of the yellow rose, but I don’t think I could stand anything being said.  I did, however, save the recommendation from Jennifer.  If I can get past the tears, a prayer like that will fit very nicely into my ceremony. Pam to Todd 4/1/2000 – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >My father passed away 4 years ago.  Grandma passed 3 years >ago and Grandpa, who was supposed to give me away passed >away Thursday.  Does anyone have any ideas on how to honor >them in a special way at my wedding? >Thanks >* Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * >The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

>My father passed away 4 years ago.  Grandma passed 3 years >ago and Grandpa, who was supposed to give me away passed >away Thursday.  Does anyone have any ideas on how to honor >them in a special way at my wedding? >Thanks

Privately. Weddings are joyous celebrations.  Blatant reminders of the dead are inappropriate unless your religion or culture routinely embraces such remembrances at weddings.  Your guests, and probably some family members, will be sadden by reminders of those who have passed away. Some brides like to visit the grave site after the wedding and leave the bouquet there.  Some brides carry a special momento, such as a bible, handkerchief, or piece of jewelry in their wedding. Whatever you decide, the remembrance is most special to you – it should be kept private. Hope this helps, Noe

Response:

You don’t, at least not publicly.  A wedding is a time of joy and living, not remembering the dead, no matter how much we love them.  Have your mother walk you down the aisle and think of them or do something private, but don’t turn your wedding into a memorial service. Mindy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > My father passed away 4 years ago.  Grandma passed 3 years > ago and Grandpa, who was supposed to give me away passed > away Thursday.  Does anyone have any ideas on how to honor > them in a special way at my wedding? > Thanks > * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * > The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

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