Wedding Rings

Wedding Dress Superstition

Question:

I think it’s amazing that the people who say to follow all the ettiquette rules about dress and other parts of the wedding are the ones who say the heck with the groom not seeing the bride in her dress before the wedding.. Hmmmmmm… makes you wonder what other rules (?) or traditions that they threw out the window.. I think the bride and groom not seeing each other before the wedding is more in line with a tradition than a superstition…But then most traditions are flaunted these days as being old fashioned and not having any merit, that is unless it’s something that has to do with the rules set up by one of the ettiquette mavons… I’m just happy that I had the special time before the wedding to spend with my daughter but if she had spent the night in her and her FH’s apartment that would have been missed…..I was thrilled when she asked me to help her with her dress.. that was a once in a lifetime moment that I’ll never forget…

Response:

> I know it’s only a superstition, but is it true that the groom shouldn’t > see the bride in her dress *ever* before the wedding, or only on the > wedding day?  My FH and I are making absolutely every decision together > about this wedding and I don’t like leaving him out on this one!  He’s been > with me a couple of times that I’ve been looking and some stores have said > that it’s popular to include the groom these days. > Any advice?

Yes.  You actually get to CHOOSE which superstitions you believe in and which you don’t.  It’s your choice….  (Some people believe that trusting in ANY superstitions just means you don’t have to think things out for yourself, that you’re willing to have other people do your thinking for you.) gloria p

Response:

>> It’s *his* wedding too, & he had equal say in *everything* that

went on that day.<< Well, my FH had equal say in *everything* that went into planning our wedding. However … <g> He hasn’t seen my dress at all.  And, when I happened to be going out of town the same weekend that he was choosing his tuxedo, his father was quite surprised that I didn’t want to see pictures first so that I could put my "seal of approval" on his wardrobe.  My thinking was that I trust him and I want him to feel comfortable, so he can wear whatever he wants.   So, yeah, we have collaborated 110% on every area of the wedding that affected both of us, but when it came to wardrobe, we felt that we trusted each other enough to make those decisions for ourselves. Mary <who is currently sick with strep throat > to Phil in 10 days!! to Phil

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>I think there’s something about the moment that is overwhelming >no matter what’s gone before.

I have to agree. We had arranged to see each other alone before we started pics (before the wedding). As I stepped out of the bedroom, his eyes filled with tears. It was one of those moments I will never forget. No bad luck here. ag

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> I know it’s only a superstition, but is it true that the groom shouldn’t > see the bride in her dress *ever* before the wedding, or only on the > wedding day?  

I don’t know if someone already mentioned this but there is a tradition where the groom will see the bride right before the ceremony to make sure he is going to marry the right woman!! I can just imagine… "Hey, are you who I think you are?" SJ

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This will sound silly so please bear with me. Should the engagement ring be closer to your hand than the wedding ring? Should you be wearing the engagement ring at all during the ceremony? Very confused. I’ve seen women wearing bands close to the hand followed by this big rock of a ring and viceversa.  I’ve read in books that the wedding band should come after the engagement ring to help keep it in place. Like I said, I’m confused. Anyone? SJ

Response:

In a previous article, Sarah Jean Hartnell said… > Should the engagement ring be closer to your hand than the wedding ring? > Should you be wearing the engagement ring at all during the ceremony? > Very confused.

You wear your wedding ring first, typically; ‘closer to your heart.’   In most weddings I’ve photographed, the engagement ring is worn on the bride’s right hand during the ceremony, then transferred to the left hand, outside the wedding band, at some later time. hth — Joe Pucillo Baltimore, Maryland  USA To reply by email, please remove the .xx from the address.

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Many people choose to get the two rings soldered (did I spell it right this time?) together.  That can be done before or after the wedding.  We chose to do it before hand since we are moving 3,000 right after the wedding and do not need anything else to worry about in those final few days.  My understanding is that the wedding ring (not the engagement ring) is supposed to be worn closest to the heart, therefore being the first ring on the hand. — Kim < June 30th 2001 > – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> This will sound silly so please bear with me. > Should the engagement ring be closer to your hand than the wedding ring? > Should you be wearing the engagement ring at all during the ceremony? > Very confused. > I’ve seen women wearing bands close to the hand followed by this big rock > of a ring and viceversa.  I’ve read in books that the wedding band should > come after the engagement ring to help keep it in place. > Like I said, I’m confused. > Anyone? > SJ

Response:

>I don’t know if someone already mentioned this but there is a tradition >where the groom will see the bride right before the ceremony to make sure >he is going to marry the right woman!!

This is a Jewish custom, which derives from the biblical story in which Jacob was tricked into marrying Leah rather than Rachel (who he really loved and intended to marry), because she hid her face from him during the ceremony.   IIRC (I’m not Jewish myself, but grew up with and have attended the weddings of several friends who are), the custom is that just before the ceremony, the bride and groom sign the ketubah (marriage contract), and then the groom gazes into the bride’s face (confirming that she is, indeed, the woman he has chosen to marry) and then lowers the veil over her face. -HB

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If I would have included the groom, he would have been bored to tears. "yup that one is nice, lets get it.." Actually he is very helpful when it comes to helping me pick out clothes, and gets a bit huffy if I turn down his suggestions, so buying a dress together woiuld have been very interesting… If he likes to help you shop, then great! I just had more fun with a group of girls trying on fluffy dresses and getting weepy. Felt like we were kids in a dress up shop! I don’t think it is bad luck if he sees the dress, but I do want to keep it a surprise! The dress IS hanging in our spare room closet, so he could see it if he wanted to. Jenn – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I know it’s only a superstition, but is it true that the groom shouldn’t > see the bride in her dress *ever* before the wedding, or only on the > wedding day?  My FH and I are making absolutely every decision together > about this wedding and I don’t like leaving him out on this one!  He’s been > with me a couple of times that I’ve been looking and some stores have said > that it’s popular to include the groom these days. > Any advice? > — > See ya! > Vicki Cleaver > http://kittecat.cjb.net > Take out the litter to email me. > On newsgroups, all posters are equal.  Some are just more equal than > others.

Response:

My daughter’s now husband wanted to be in on everything to do with the wedding, but the dress is the one thing that we put our foot down on.. He saw the dress in a book and he did say he liked it.. We really wanted him to be surprised when he saw her in it.. As a matter of fact, since most of my daughter’s familiy and friends were coming from out of town, she used the bridal suite the night before the wedding and after the rehearsal dinner, we met with some of the out of towners for an impromptu batchelorette party… We were doing some last minute assembly on the aisle bows and having a great time together.. My daughter was so glad to have that time to spend that was just for her… Thank goodness we insisted that he stay with his Mom for that night… As a matter of fact, I think it was important that he spend his last night as a single man with his Mother.. I’m sure she appreciated it, even if he didn’t…

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And that is the best reason I can think of for the groom not to see the bride in the dress till she comes down the aisle.. The look on my daughter’s husbands face, was priceless…. And worth all the hassle to keep him from seeing her before hand…

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> And that is the best reason I can think of for the groom not to see the bride > in the dress till she comes down the aisle.. The look on my daughter’s husbands > face, was priceless…. And worth all the hassle to keep him from seeing her > before hand…

        I’m not so sure that look is because it’s the first time he’s seen the dress, though.  My husband had that same deer-in- the-headlights look when I showed up at the end of the aisle, even though he’d seen the dress (and me in it) previously. I think there’s something about the moment that is overwhelming no matter what’s gone before. YMMV, Ericka — The return address on this message works, but it goes to an account I weed out only on occasion.  To send me email, send to my first name dot my last name at home dot com and watch the spelling

Response:

> I know it’s only a superstition, but is it true that the groom shouldn’t > see the bride in her dress *ever* before the wedding, or only on the > wedding day?  My FH and I are making absolutely every decision together > about this wedding and I don’t like leaving him out on this one!  He’s been > with me a couple of times that I’ve been looking and some stores have said > that it’s popular to include the groom these days. > Any advice?

The exact nature and practice of superstitions is extremely variable and personal.  If you want your groom to see your dress, you in your dress, whatever at any point before the wedding, I highly doubt that lightening will strike you dead, or that any hope of a happy marriage will have been dashed by this act alone.  If you want him to see the dress, and he wants to see the dress, then by all means show it to him. My fiance does not want to see the dress (let alone me in it) before the wedding.  I think it’s a silly custom, and would actually kind of preferred to get all of our photos out of the way before the ceremony, so we aren’t rushed or holding up dinner.  Oh well. –twinkle to ms 7/7/01

Response:

Mine too.  My husband and I had spent the previous 1 1/2 hours taking pictures (with me in the dress) and he still had that amazed look on his face as he met me at the end of the aisle.  He even lost count while circling me three times because he was so spaced. — Melissa 3/18/2001

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> And that is the best reason I can think of for the groom not to see the bride > in the dress till she comes down the aisle.. The look on my daughter’s husbands > face, was priceless…. And worth all the hassle to keep him from seeing her > before hand… > I’m not so sure that look is because it’s the first time > he’s seen the dress, though.  My husband had that same deer-in- > the-headlights look when I showed up at the end of the aisle, > even though he’d seen the dress (and me in it) previously. > I think there’s something about the moment that is overwhelming > no matter what’s gone before. > YMMV, > Ericka > — > The return address on this message works, but it goes to an > account I weed out only on occasion.  To send me email, send to > my first name dot my last name at home dot com > and watch the spelling

Response:

> I know it’s only a superstition, but is it true that the groom shouldn’t > see the bride in her dress *ever* before the wedding, or only on the > wedding day?

I’d heard that the supersitition was only about the wedding day, but most women I know who go by this don’t let their fiances see the dress *at all* until they’re walking down the aisle. > My FH and I are making absolutely every decision together > about this wedding and I don’t like leaving him out on this one!

I totally agree w/you!  I couldn’t imagine my husband having never seen my wedding dress before the actual event. After all, I had a say in what he wore for the wedding, so he had a say in what I wore for the wedding. When I first started thinking about what I wanted my wedding dress to be, I consulted with my husband about it. I was designing my own gown, & there were 3 very different designs I was considering. I got opinions from various ppl, not the least of which was my husband. Good thing too, because he really didn’t like 2 of the designs (& it was the general consensus of everyone I talked to as well).  Likewise, we designed his wedding outfit, & I had a lot of input into that (of course, I helped make some of it too . I would *never* have surprised my husband with any other wedding element. I wouldn’t say "sorry hon, you can’t see the minister till our wedding day" or "you can’t go to the caterer’s tasting because I want the food to be a surprise." It’s *his* wedding too, & he had equal say in *everything* that went on that day. Ppl go on about the "romance" of first seeing the bride in her wedding dress walk down the aisle.  Well, according to my husband, it was no less romantic seeing me walk down the aisle on our wedding day. He may have seen the dress, but he hadn’t seen it w/all the trimmings (hairdo, veil, jewelry, makeup, flowers). And besides, when he’d seen the dress before, it wasn’t a minute before we were going to be married!  The meaning of the day & having all yr friends & family being there is what makes it special, not a surprise dress. –T. (Oh, & if he sees you in the dress before the ceremony, you can do pix then, which is the most convenient way to go. You don’t miss out seeing your guests as much . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . gothic martha stewart & all-around crafty chick   C7 fashion show — www.convergence7.com . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Response:

My groom saw my dress, but not on me, prior to the wedding.  His reaction when he saw me in the dress the day of the wedding was one of my favorite parts of the day.  He was speechless.  Actually, he  kept repeating the same phrase in Ukrainian over and over, and finally the minister said, "Can he say anything else?  I guess he is happy."  (No one else understood what he was saying except me–and it was nice.)   I don’t care about the superstition, but his reaction was priceless.

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>I know it’s only a superstition, but is it true that the groom shouldn’t >see the bride in her dress *ever* before the wedding, or only on the >wedding day?  

An *old* Emily Post discusses this not in terms of superstition, but in terms of anticipation. She said waaaaaay back when that the groom does not see his bride in the dress at the church until time for her entrance. That means he did see her on prior to the wedding on that day and that it’s possible he did see her gown prior to the wedding day. However, waaaaay back when, it was not common that men were interested in dresses and such. Grooms simply lit up when they saw their lovely bride walking down the aisle, the dress being an accessory to her own radiance. Hope this helps, Noe

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Baltigirl wrote… > I do think it’s "bad luck" if the bride and groom beat each other senseless > before the wedding, keep huge secrets from each other, or sleep around with > members of the bridal party before the big day.  

It sounds like you had an interesting weekend… — Joe Pucillo Baltimore, Maryland  USA To reply by email, please remove the .xx from the address.

Response:

> I know it’s only a superstition, but is it true that the groom shouldn’t > see the bride in her dress *ever* before the wedding, or only on the > wedding day?  My FH and I are making absolutely every decision together > about this wedding and I don’t like leaving him out on this one!  He’s been > with me a couple of times that I’ve been looking and some stores have said > that it’s popular to include the groom these days.

        It depends on which version of the superstition you’re going for  Some people believe that the groom shouldn’t ever see the bride in her dress, and others think it only applies to the wedding day.  I’m guessing the former couldn’t possibly have been in force for too long, as many women got married in dresses they already owned and which their prospective husbands had probably seen.         If it helps, my husband saw me in my wedding gown several times before the wedding and on the day of the wedding, and we’ve been happily married for eight years and have two kids Take care, Ericka — The return address on this message works, but it goes to an account I weed out only on occasion.  To send me email, send to my first name dot my last name at home dot com and watch the spelling

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Baltigirl wrote… > I do think it’s "bad luck" if the bride and groom beat each other >senseless > before the wedding, keep huge secrets from each other, or sleep around >with > members of the bridal party before the big day.   >It sounds like you had an interesting weekend… >– >Joe Pucillo >Baltimore, Maryland  USA >To reply by email, please remove the .xx from the address.

LOL.  I spent my weekend out of trouble at the florist’s, devoting hours to the big tulips vs. calla lilies debate.  I did not want to keep any of this a secret from my fiance, but when I tried to tell him about the pros and cons of the parrot tulip, he yawned and rubbed his eyes. Actually, I do have friends who recently married that somewhat fit my above description.  There was some quasi-infidelity a few months before the wedding (the bride, not the groom, in fact, and this is information I really wish I didn’t know) and you should see the two of them fight–no physical abuse, but the curses they scream at each other!  In front of other people, too!  Compared to that, my under-the-breath comments about the other drivers on the BW Parkway at rush hour would be considered "tender!" Of course, at their wedding, bride went to SUCH extreme lengths to make sure that there was NO CHANCE that the groom would see her before the ceremony–he actually stayed in a seperate hotel several miles away from where she and the rest of the wedding guests were staying…an important measure to take…after all, you know what bad luck can do to a marriage.

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Not if you’re Jewish!  In a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, the groom actually places the veil on the bride before the wedding, so he absolutely sees her in the dress beforehand. I’m Jewish and there are people in my family who have been married for more than 60 years who did that tradition, so I guess the "bad luck curse" doesn’t apply to us! I do think it’s "bad luck" if the bride and groom beat each other senseless before the wedding, keep huge secrets from each other, or sleep around with members of the bridal party before the big day.  The dress superstition, however, is not one I’ve ever attributed much meaning to. says… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I know it’s only a superstition, but is it true that the groom shouldn’t >see the bride in her dress *ever* before the wedding, or only on the >wedding day?  My FH and I are making absolutely every decision together >about this wedding and I don’t like leaving him out on this one!  He’s been >with me a couple of times that I’ve been looking and some stores have said >that it’s popular to include the groom these days. >Any advice? >– >See ya! >Vicki Cleaver >http://kittecat.cjb.net >Take out the litter to email me. >On newsgroups, all posters are equal.  Some are just more equal than >others.

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My fiance was with me when I bought my dress.  I think the tradition is that the groom does not see the dress at all before the wedding.  That is what my mom wanted, anyway.  There is no way that was going to happen as I wanted his opinion of the dress.  Afterall, I want to have a dress that he thinks is flattering on me and I value his opinion.  Besides, I know what his clothes look like, so why shouldn’t he see mine?  If it means a lot to you to not have him the see the dress, go for it.  For me, however, it seems like a really difficult and unnecessary tradiation to keep. — Kim < June 30th 2001 >

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I know it’s only a superstition, but is it true that the groom shouldn’t > see the bride in her dress *ever* before the wedding, or only on the > wedding day?  My FH and I are making absolutely every decision together > about this wedding and I don’t like leaving him out on this one!  He’s been > with me a couple of times that I’ve been looking and some stores have said > that it’s popular to include the groom these days. > Any advice? > — > See ya! > Vicki Cleaver > http://kittecat.cjb.net > Take out the litter to email me. > On newsgroups, all posters are equal.  Some are just more equal than > others.

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->My fiance was with me when I bought my dress.  I think the tradition is that >the groom does not see the dress at all before the wedding.  That is what my >mom wanted, anyway.  There is no way that was going to happen as I wanted >his opinion of the dress.  Afterall, I want to have a dress that he thinks >is flattering on me and I value his opinion.  Besides, I know what his >clothes look like, so why shouldn’t he see mine?  If it means a lot to you >to not have him the see the dress, go for it.  For me, however, it seems >like a really difficult and unnecessary tradiation to keep. >– >Kim >< June 30th 2001 > > I know it’s only a superstition, but is it true that the groom shouldn’t > see the bride in her dress *ever* before the wedding, or only on the > wedding day?  My FH and I are making absolutely every decision together > about this wedding and I don’t like leaving him out on this one!  He’s >been > with me a couple of times that I’ve been looking and some stores have said > that it’s popular to include the groom these days. > Any advice? > — > See ya! > Vicki Cleaver > http://kittecat.cjb.net > Take out the litter to email me. > On newsgroups, all posters are equal.  Some are just more equal than > others.

I’m wearing my mother’s wedding dress.  My fiance saw a picture of my mother on her wedding day, so does that count?  When we picked it up from the cleaners, though, the lady there made him go away until we had it in the car.  Thought that was cute. shanihn

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I know it’s only a superstition, but is it true that the groom shouldn’t see the bride in her dress *ever* before the wedding, or only on the wedding day?  My FH and I are making absolutely every decision together about this wedding and I don’t like leaving him out on this one!  He’s been with me a couple of times that I’ve been looking and some stores have said that it’s popular to include the groom these days. Any advice? — See ya! Vicki Cleaver http://kittecat.cjb.net Take out the litter to email me. On newsgroups, all posters are equal.  Some are just more equal than others.

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