Wedding Rings

Wedding costs

Question:

Just wanted to share this tradition ) My mother is German, and she told me that weddings were done a bit diffrently in Garmany. Usually a large and formal reception at the church with cake and punch. Then a smaller reception at a restruant with close family and friends (usually 50-75 people….German restruants are not very big) that would have dinner and beer and wine….this is where the newlywed games would happen… of course….this was years ago….and I don’t know if the customs have changed with the times )

Response:

> > Wow, a goft worth $100!!!  Now there’s a very generous item you don’t see > at most weddings! > Carrie > On the contrary! In our area, NY/NJ/CT tri-state area, $100 is > a minimal gift from a couple.

I think it was a joke about "goft." Typo-humour…

Response:

>On the contrary! In our area, NY/NJ/CT tri-state area, $100 is > a minimal gift from a couple.

Here also! Lori

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says… > Location: A really nice hotel like Marriot or something.

I am actually amazed at how reasonable the Marriott here in Portland is for a wedding reception.   The Marriott was my first choice of reception sites but I thought they’d be outrageous in cost.  I was pleasantly surprised.   You must pay for a 50 person minimum — you don’t have to pay until 3 days before the wedding (a $100 down payment is required in advance though).   We selected the dinner buffet.  You get your choice of four Hors D’Oeuvres.  We selected crab rangoon, pot stickers, chicken satay, mini- beef wellingtons — there were 10 choices.  There will also be a fruit display, imported & domestic cheese display, crudite display (whaaaat is that?), roasted top round of beef au jus or turkey breast, and pasta choices (too many to name). Other choices included a sit-down dinner or a brunch.  (Price per head ranges from $28-$36 per person depending on what you select plus you have to add an 18% gratuity).   They provide the silver service, china, linens & skirting (in the color of your choice — they provide 4 or 5 choices).  They provide the wedding cake (on a raised cake table if you’d like).  They provide two hours of premium wine & champagne service.  They provide votive candles & mirrored centerpieces with fresh flowers.  They provide a honeymoon suite for one night — and let me tell you, this room is *gorgeous*.  (The room they’ve assigned to us is the Presidential Suite on the top floor and it has a breathtaking view.) Our reception room is beautiful and has a wonderful view overlooking the Willamette River with Mount Hood in the distance.   Rita (& Fred) 8/8/97

Response:

Average Wedding Costs November/December 1996 issue of Bridal Guide "Average" Cost Of A Wedding Bridal Consultant               $1500 Bride’s accessories             $ 100 Bride’s hairstyling and makeup  $  70 Bride’s headpiece               $ 150 Bridesmaids’ gifts              $ 200 Bridesmaids’ luncheon           $ 175 Ceremony music                  $  75 Ceremony site                   $ 200 Flowers                         $ 750 Groom’s accessories             $  40 Groom’s attire                  $ 100 Groomsmen’s gifts               $ 200 Honeymoon                       $3000 Invitations                     $ 350 Marriage license                $  40 Medical tests                   $  40 Officiant’s fee                 $  50 Photography                     $1000 Prenuptial agreement            $ 100 Reception                       $7000 Reception music                 $1000 Rehearsal dinner                $ 500 Videography                     $ 850 Wedding cake                    $ 200 Wedding-day transportation      $ 200 Wedding favors                  $ 100 Wedding gown                    $ 700 Wedding-night suite             $ 150 Wedding rings                   $ 500 Total Cost of Wedding         $19,349 Regards, L O I O D I C E   D O T   C O M   http://loiodice.com/  - Main Site    Full Service Web Site Design, Maintenance, Promotion & Hosting Photography & Video On Location, Inc.  -  http://loiodice.com/pvol/ South Florida’s Wedding Directory   –   http://loiodice.com/frames/ > Hi all: > Hahahah okay now…..Heather and Nathan, go to your separate corners!  :) > Dan and I didn’t mean to start a fight here…we simply were amazed at

some of the costs!  Sure, > we could have spent a LOT more on things, but we choose not to.  To us,

there’s no point in > putting on an elaborate wedding only to be broke for years down the road

because of it, in our > eyes.   > Our day is going to be special, not because of the cost of it, but

because we’re spending the > day in celebration of our  love with family and friends.  And the

memories will be just as > precious as any other wedding, no matter what the cost.   > As for our photographer, he’s been in business for many, many years….as long as I can > remember.  Nathan, how can you possibly say that because our photographer doesn’t charge > an exhorbitant rate, he’s no good or poor quality?  Have you seen his work or his many > awards?  He came highly recommended by several people and believe me, we shopped > around for months!  We decided on him because of his reputation and

because we love his > work…not because of his cost.  GEEZ!!!! > As for the hall……You talk about things you know nothing about!  YES,

IT IS ONLY $125 FOR > ALL DAY AND NIGHT!  In fact, the decorators will be there at 10 am!  Also the cake will be > delivered at about the same time!  PLUS…THAT INCLUDES THE CLEANUP!!!! YES > NATHAN, YOU HEARD ME RIGHT…..THEY CLEAN IT UP!!!! > Now about the reception……All guests will be happy with what we’re

serving….is there > something wrong with your taste buds??? > Heather….thanks for sticking up for us……we didn’t realize all this

was going on till just now.  You > enjoy your mints and peanuts.  we’d love to come to your wedding!  mmmmm yummy!  Cookies > too????  YESSSSS!  *high five*  We hope your day as special to you and

yours as ours will be – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> for us! > Sorry all…..couldn’t resist… > Julie and Dan > April 4, 1998   > — > Kuehl Investigations > Route 3 Box 24 Sparta, WI 54656 > Voice: 608-269-1028  Fax: 608-269-5586 > Webpage: http://www.freeyellow.com/members/jakuehl/index.html > Private Eye International :http://members.tripod.com/~jkuehl/index.html

Response:

> > on now……Why would any sane person pay THAT much????" > Every couple of months, someone gets on this list and gets all high and > mighty for being so thrifty. > Okay, okay…..High and Mighty I am not…..as you can see by the cost

of our wedding….  :) It’s an attitude, not a measure of your wallet. > Seriously though, I don’t feel we were being judgemental and

ignorant…..I was simply surprised > at some of the costs of some of the weddings!  GEEZ!!!  We both want our

day to be special, but > to spend that amount of money blew us away.  If that’s ignorant, then I

guess we’re ignorant….but > we don’t want to go into years of debt for years,  is all we meant by

our post!!!   Then say that. Don’t say that people who spend that much must not be sane. See the difference? > Sure, some of you can afford it and want it…..but we simply can’t and

we’re not going to pretend > that we can.  

You didn’t write that anyone else was pretending that they could afford anything. You wrote that you thought it was a waste of money and people were crazy to be doing it. And NO that does not mean that we feel that some of you are PRETENDING, so > don’t even go there!  We stated how WE feel…..that’s it!  

Next time, just don’t make assumptions or use judgemental language to do it then. >Our day is going to be just as beautiful > and special to us as any other wedding.  Cheap photographer or not!

oops did it again, didn’t > I? > The best to you all, > Julie and Dan > April 4, 1998

Amy —

Response:

> Hi all: > Hahahah okay now…..Heather and Nathan, go to your separate corners!  :) > Dan and I didn’t mean to start a fight here…we simply were amazed at

some of the costs! So be careful how judgemental you sound before hitting the "send" button. Language is a powerful thing and saying things the way you did in your original post came across as judgemental and rude. > Sure, > we could have spent a LOT more on things, but we choose not to.  To us,

there’s no point in > putting on an elaborate wedding only to be broke for years down the road

because of it, in our > eyes.  

The point you’re obviously missing is that many who throw the big reception WON’T be broke for years down the road because of it (not to say that there are those who spend beyond their means for this event). Live within your means and stop making assumptions about others who do the same, ok? It’s not insane and it’s not throwing money away. It’s a choice. > Our day is going to be special, not because of the cost of it, but

because we’re spending the > day in celebration of our  love with family and friends.  And the

memories will be just as > precious as any other wedding, no matter what the cost.  

Glad to see you figured that out. A $50,000 wedding is no more, no less special than yours. Amy —

Response:

I think we can all agree that costs will vary.  Differences are regional and in personal taste. What gets us into problems is when people share that info but say they are "appalled" at what other people spend and suggest they aren’t sane.  And then others post replies that imply that a less-expensive wedding is "tacky." If we could take some of the pejorative language out of this forum, posts could be something that we all learn from, instead of starting little battles. It is interesting to know the choices people make as they economize, and what people who can to afford to splurge spend their moolah on.   It’s all valuable, so I wish people would stop arousing other people’s ire.  Wedding planning can be stressful enough without bickering with other brides and grooms.

Response:

> I ran into a place that charged $1.00 a linen napkin for a color other > than red or green…  

Was that in Winnipeg. Cause that is what our hotel said too. But ours was any other color than white. (She added that they have to special order them in). Kelle (who will have white napkins)

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > > >I’m sure you’ll think I am Miss Nasty because we’re having > > > >butter mints and peanuts.  Maybe cookies as well. > > > I guess what I just don’t understand is how one can invite > > > people to your wedding and not have anything to serve them? > > > Aimee

I have to agree with Aimee here. Even if someone stops by unexpectedly I would have something to serve them. If I didn’t, my husband or I would go out and get something despite their protestations. It is the polite thing to do. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Traditionally for **whom**? I’m not saying anything is wrong with a cake > and punch reception for some people, just that, in **my** family history > (both sides) one NEVER has ANY party without food …and drink and > dancing. Even funerals (well, the gathering after the funeral) come > complete with loads of food and drink- usually not dancing. Therefore, > **TRADITIONALLY** – as far back as 5 generations that I know of (early > 1800’s, and I will assume before that) our families – meaning the > majority of our guests – have never been to a party that was "cake and > punch". This includes my fiance’s family in England and my family of > Mexican and/or German Catholics from the Midwest and Southwest and > Mexico. So I would not say "traditionally" since the US is a pretty big > place with lots of traditions! The South or the Northeast doesn’t have > the final say on "traditions."  Sorry, I still don’t mean to imply that > serving food at a wedding is necessary for you, just watch what you say > about "tradition", a great deal of **YOUR**"tradition" does not apply to > me (and I’m also American) and would be considered RUDE and offensive > amongst the people who will be invited to our wedding. I’m afraid this > is one of my huge pet peeves with so-called **tradition**, all > traditions are not the same for everyone!

Yep, here too. I have never been to a celebration on any side of our family where there wasn’t a ton of food and drink. Be it a christening, wedding, funeral or summer bbq. I don’t know whose "tradition" this cake and punch thing is, but I’ve never seen it!

Response:

Hi all: Hahahah okay now…..Heather and Nathan, go to your separate corners!  :) Dan and I didn’t mean to start a fight here…we simply were amazed at some of the costs!  Sure, we could have spent a LOT more on things, but we choose not to.  To us, there’s no point in putting on an elaborate wedding only to be broke for years down the road because of it, in our eyes.   Our day is going to be special, not because of the cost of it, but because we’re spending the day in celebration of our  love with family and friends.  And the memories will be just as precious as any other wedding, no matter what the cost.   As for our photographer, he’s been in business for many, many years….as long as I can remember.  Nathan, how can you possibly say that because our photographer doesn’t charge an exhorbitant rate, he’s no good or poor quality?  Have you seen his work or his many awards?  He came highly recommended by several people and believe me, we shopped around for months!  We decided on him because of his reputation and because we love his work…not because of his cost.  GEEZ!!!! As for the hall……You talk about things you know nothing about!  YES, IT IS ONLY $125 FOR ALL DAY AND NIGHT!  In fact, the decorators will be there at 10 am!  Also the cake will be delivered at about the same time!  PLUS…THAT INCLUDES THE CLEANUP!!!!  YES NATHAN, YOU HEARD ME RIGHT…..THEY CLEAN IT UP!!!! Now about the reception……All guests will be happy with what we’re serving….is there something wrong with your taste buds??? Heather….thanks for sticking up for us……we didn’t realize all this was going on till just now.  You enjoy your mints and peanuts.  we’d love to come to your wedding!  mmmmm yummy!  Cookies too????  YESSSSS!  *high five*  We hope your day as special to you and yours as ours will be for us! Sorry all…..couldn’t resist… Julie and Dan April 4, 1998   — Kuehl Investigations Route 3 Box 24 Sparta, WI 54656 Voice: 608-269-1028  Fax: 608-269-5586 Webpage: http://www.freeyellow.com/members/jakuehl/index.html Private Eye International :http://members.tripod.com/~jkuehl/index.html

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Wow, a goft worth $100!!!  Now there’s a very generous item you don’t see > at most weddings! > Carrie > On the contrary! In our area, NY/NJ/CT tri-state area, $100 is > a minimal gift from a couple. At our wedding the only gifts of > $100 we received were from our friends who were also planning > their own weddings.  Friends and relatives were extremely > generous to us… I was very surprised by some of our gifts! > We were pleased of course (!), but I never expected them to be > so generous. > Denise

        See, that’s another regional difference.  Our average price range was about $30.  That may be because we registered for what we needed, and not extravagant stuff, and we already had 2 sets of china and 1 set of stemwear.  But I think we only got one gift about $100, and that was from a group.  Now, our grandparents spent about that much, if not more, but not just our average guest. Shawna and Geoff Simpson

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Wow, a goft worth $100!!!  Now there’s a very generous item you > don’t see > at most weddings! > Carrie > On the contrary! In our area, NY/NJ/CT tri-state area, $100 is > a minimal gift from a couple. At our wedding the only gifts of > $100 we received were from our friends who were also planning > their own weddings.  Friends and relatives were extremely > generous to us… I was very surprised by some of our gifts! > We were pleased of course (!), but I never expected them to be > so generous. > Denise

   Wow!  Can I move to where you guys are?  Just kidding.  Actually Jamie and I registered at Target and had a great time.  We did register for the $220 vacuum cleaner because scanning things is fun, but his parents are giving us that so I don’t think that counts as a real "wedding gift."  Most of what we registered for is in this $10 to $20 range.  ’Course when my brother got married he registered at Hecht’s for $20 towels (I think I’d be afraid to use them).  That’s just the difference in tastes.  David and Jeanne liked more expensive things while Jamie and I like the cheaper stuff (although the $220 vacuum cleaner is pretty cool).  Then again, if someone would like to spend that much I don’t think I’d argue : ) ~Heather and Jamie 6/6/98

Response:

In article >         Ok, now I’m in a really defensive mood, because a lot of people > seem to be dogging Julie for saving money, and being happy about it.

No. People are dogging Julie for saying: on now……Why would any sane person pay THAT much????" –  and similar comments. Julie is obviously not paying a whole lot for a wedding (which is fine for her), but acting like people who do are insane and throwing money away is judgemental, naive, and incredibly rude. It’s hardly her place to decide what is a priority to someone else and to state that someone shouldn’t spend money on something simply because SHE doesn’t think it’s important is absurd and ignorant. Every couple of months, someone gets on this list and gets all high and mighty for being so thrifty. Well, good for you. Don’t bother acting like that’s the only way to go though. Some of us value things differently. I for one value my time a great deal and wasn’t willing to invest a lot of it to search out the "best deal" on many services I used for my wedding – I preferred to go with the vendors I felt comfortable with and whom I trusted, regardless of their cost. That hardly makes me "insane" as Julie implies in her post. It means I have different priorities. Amy —

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > >I’m sure you’ll think I am Miss Nasty because we’re having > > >butter mints and peanuts.  Maybe cookies as well. > > I guess what I just don’t understand is how one can invite > > people to your wedding and not have anything to serve them? > > Aimee > No one I know personally has never been to a punch and cake reception, > and it would be totally inappropriate and rude for US to do > that (and we’re a decidedly blue-collar crowd, not socialites!). > traditionally, receptions were only cake and punch

Traditionally for **whom**? I’m not saying anything is wrong with a cake and punch reception for some people, just that, in **my** family history (both sides) one NEVER has ANY party without food …and drink and dancing. Even funerals (well, the gathering after the funeral) come complete with loads of food and drink- usually not dancing. Therefore, **TRADITIONALLY** – as far back as 5 generations that I know of (early 1800’s, and I will assume before that) our families – meaning the majority of our guests – have never been to a party that was "cake and punch". This includes my fiance’s family in England and my family of Mexican and/or German Catholics from the Midwest and Southwest and Mexico. So I would not say "traditionally" since the US is a pretty big place with lots of traditions! The South or the Northeast doesn’t have the final say on "traditions."  Sorry, I still don’t mean to imply that serving food at a wedding is necessary for you, just watch what you say about "tradition", a great deal of **YOUR**"tradition" does not apply to me (and I’m also American) and would be considered RUDE and offensive amongst the people who will be invited to our wedding. I’m afraid this is one of my huge pet peeves with so-called **tradition**, all traditions are not the same for everyone! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> HOWEVER, in your circle, or culture, or neighborhood, this may be > perfectly appropriate, so fine. But make sure it IS appropriate for YOUR > guests. We don’t know them, so it’s hard to tell, and I understand in > some areas the P&C reception is all that’s expected, but if it’s not, > you might want to reconsider what you serve. > Cherise (& Steve..aiming to find good, inexpensive food) > What is really weird for me to comprehend is the whole idea of providing > food that is equal to the gift. I had never in my life heard this until I > joined this newsgroup! I think that idea is obsurd. Some people just do > not want a huge reception, but I don’t believe anyone should feel > obligated. I always buy a present for the couple based on how well I know > them. When I go to buy the present I do not stop and say "Now, they are > having an evening wedding and there is going to be a huge reception with a > sit-down meal so I will spend $50 more." I just think this is crazy. So. > could a friend not come because they could not afford a gift? I believe > that the bride and groom should have whatever type of reception that they > want. > Julie

I have NO clue how you got from my post the concept of the present equalling the cost of the meal. I am decidely against THAT. Absolutely ridiculous IMO and I would not have even implied that! I give a gift as an expression of good wishes, and based on what I can afford, and how close the receiver is to me. More often than not it’s probably LESS than the meal, because I’m a poor student. Yes, the B&G should have whatever type of reception they want, provided the couple considers their **guests**. I really really really believe that the reception is more for the guests, thanking them for joining in your special day (the ceremony),and for being a part of your life. The ceremony is for US, which is why we’ll have a Catholic ceremony (well, that part’s for me), while many of my agnostic/atheist friends may not enjoy that, I can appreciate their coming to witness it by serving up a great meal! But then, I’m a person who likes to entertain guests, and the reception is a way to do that. Cherise

Response:

>Are you having a photographer?  If so what will they eat?

Actually, not really.  Our photographer will only be after the wedding. That means outside the Temple which will be at 10 in the morning.  With such a break and distance (1 hour) between the wedding and reception we are not having a photographer at the reception.  That is our choice because truly, we don’t mind having my mom and uncle (both extremely excellent photographer … my mom has taken several courses in photography) to take the picture at the reception.  Candid shots only. That’s what my brother and sister-in-law did and they ended up with gorgeous pictures.  They had a sitting before the wedding for th two of them and then at the Temple after the wedding for family/wedding party pictures.  Since it appears we won’t even be having dancing (oh, well. I tried) we don’t have to worry about getting pictures of anything but me throwing the bouquet.  And so, since no one will be eating at the Temple, the photographer will not be fed. ~Heather

Response:

> on now……Why would any sane person pay THAT much????" > Every couple of months, someone gets on this list and gets all high and > mighty for being so thrifty.

Okay, okay…..High and Mighty I am not…..as you can see by the cost of our wedding….  :) Seriously though, I don’t feel we were being judgemental and ignorant…..I was simply surprised at some of the costs of some of the weddings!  GEEZ!!!  We both want our day to be special, but to spend that amount of money blew us away.  If that’s ignorant, then I guess we’re ignorant….but we don’t want to go into years of debt for years,  is all we meant by our post!!!   Sure, some of you can afford it and want it…..but we simply can’t and we’re not going to pretend that we can.  And NO that does not mean that we feel that some of you are PRETENDING, so don’t even go there!  We stated how WE feel…..that’s it!  Our day is going to be just as beautiful and special to us as any other wedding.  Cheap photographer or not!  oops did it again, didn’t I? The best to you all, Julie and Dan April 4, 1998 — Kuehl Investigations Route 3 Box 24 Sparta, WI 54656 Voice: 608-269-1028  Fax: 608-269-5586 Webpage: http://www.freeyellow.com/members/jakuehl/index.html Private Eye International :http://members.tripod.com/~jkuehl/index.html

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >I’m sure you’ll think I am Miss Nasty because we’re having > >butter mints and peanuts.  Maybe cookies as well. > I guess what I just don’t understand is how one can invite > people to your wedding and not have anything to serve them? > I would have more food and drink to offer if someone simply > dropped in on me unexpectedly…..  I am sorry if this sounds rude, > but how can you expect people to come from out of town or even > from in town, bring a wedding gift and not entertain your guests? > Let the flames begin – > Aimee > See, that’s what some people don’t understand.  The wedding day is a > celebration of the fact that two people have gotten married and you are > inviting friends to see that.  In our case most people can not come to > the wedding because the Temple only allows members and many of our > friends are not.  That’s fine.  They honestly don’t care.  The thing is > most of the people that will drop by the reception are people who have > known me all my life.  They don’t expect anything more than a hug.  (Not > my theory.  I have had people say that to me!)  If you would like to > have an elaborate party, go ahead.  If you want to spend the money, > fine.  I do not.  And, by the way, I do not "expect" people to bring a > gift.  It would not bother me in the least if they did not.  That is > their choice.  And it is mine (and my fiance’s) that we are having a > simple reception.  Also, the reception is at 2 in the afternoon.  People > will have already eaten.  Is it necessary to eat and drink to be > entertained.  I don’t think so.  My brother had some (very little) food > when he got married and people really didn’t eat much.  His reception > was at 2 as well.~Heather

Are you having a photographer?  If so what will they eat?

Response:

>        Ok, now I’m in a really defensive mood, because a lot of people >seem to be dogging Julie for saving money, and being happy about it.

[big argument and cost-comparison snipped] >We saved a lot of money, while we still had high quality professionals.   >It’s pro’s like you that I won’t hire, because they make you feel like >crap for not spending more.  Ours were realistic, down to earth, and >friendly.  That is what we were looking for.  I’m not Princess Di, or >Celine Dion, and I don’t expect my wedding to be like them.  Cheap, no.   >Realistic, yes.  If you can’t handle going to a wedding like ours, don’t >go.  Your presence probably woulndn’t be wanted with an attitude like that

Come on, give the guy a break.  I think he made it quite clear that he wasn’t being judgmental, he just wanted to give an honest answer to Julie’s original question about how anyone could spend so much on a wedding.  I, too, thought she was honestly curious about what could cost that much.  So I sent a very similar email to Julie explaining the costs of our Boston wedding, and now I’m really glad I didn’t also post it, because I’m sure I would’ve gotten similar flames!  I think anyone who’s been following this newsgroup for any length of time should have realized by now that costs and styles of weddings in this country vary tremendously.  Each couple has to decide what’s right for them and their guests. – Hannah — Hannah Dvorak-Carbone

Response:

>We certainly do not want to pay that much, but on a lot of things we >have no choice.  I have shopped around and compared prices for >*EVERYTHING* and I have *NEVER* come across the prices that you have >listed. >To run down our list for 160 guests: >Hall: $125  (we’re doing it all in the hall) >Does your hall rental price include chairs, tables, tablecloths, >servers, plates, dessert plates, silverware, punch bowl with ladle, >punch cups, coffee urn, coffee cups, sugar and creamer, napkins, etc?

It does happen.  We payed $75 for our hall, all day (and even the next day, actually).  It included chairs and long tables.  We rented round tables, but we didn’t have to.  Our catering price ($9.50 p person for dinner) included plates, utensils, punch bowl, cups, punch, coffee, coffee urn, coffee cups, sugar, creamer, napkins, CO2 dispenser for the keg.  We supplied table cloths. This was in Northern CA (small town).  I *know* we got a major deal, but I did want to point out that this person was not making it up – things like this do exist. Carrie

Response:

I am really apalled by Nathan’s response.  He seems to think you have to throw some super high class fancy shindig to have a "real" wedding.  I absolutely and completley disagree.  He also seems to feel that you have to spend MORE money on things *because* it is a wedding.  I also disagree. > Come on now……Why would any sane person pay THAT much???? >Because some people want to make a huge, beautiful event of it.

We had a huge, beautiful event and only spent 5K. >Because some people want the best of everything.    

We had the best of the most important stuff (to us) and still only spent 5K. > To run down our list for 160 guests:

We had 150 guests at a wedding Northern CA. > Hall:                  $125  (we’re doing it all in the hall) >    For a lot of brides, a wedding "hall" is not just a big room. >They want a beautiful building, perhaps one with historic charm. >Around Denver (which is one of the cheaper wedding markets), $125 can >get you maybe an Elks hall, or the local VFW.   >    And bear in mind that "all day" can vary.  I’ve seen a wedding that >only lasted 4 hours, I’ve seen another that went 16 hours.  Believe me, >*nobody* is going to rent a hall for 160 people for 16 hours for only >$125!

Ummm, we rented our hall for $75 and that was for all of the wedding day and we came back the next day for cleanup.  And it was a historic building as well — the former school house of the old mining town where my parents live. > Wedding gown:       $300 >    Again, a lot of brides want a *really* nice wedding dress, which I >understand can run as much as $1500 for a knock off, or into five >digits for a real designer gown.  

I had a *really* nice wedding dress.  And it was about $300 including undergarments and shoes.  Made by a *real* designer also. > Photographer:          $580   (for all day…including engagement > photo session) >    Some brides want photography that is more than just pictures of >people in tuxes and gowns, they want creativity, they want beauty, they >want the best that can be done.  That rarely goes for less than $2000.

We interviewed 4 of the local 5 photographers.  We got the best in town. and we payed $950 for all day coverage.  I guess he might not have been up to your standards, but our pictures are excellent and take great advantage of our wedding location (outdoors). > Reception:     $4-$5 per plate, (includes ham, turkey AND beef > sandwiches, potato salad, macaroni salad,  veggie trays and cheese > trays and punch. >    Boy, you *do* go all out, don’t you?  Again, a lot of brides want >the food at their reception to be what you can get at a nice restaurant, >not a church social.

That was downright mean!  Sounds like good food to me.  We spent a little more ($9.50 per person) for an elegant Mexican food buffet.  Why does the meal have to be super elegant — just because it’s a wedding? > Decorations:   $128  (professionally done, including balloon bouquets, > balloon arch, centerpieces, paddle balloon setup for cards, etc….. >    Tastes differ.  You like balloons.  Other brides like real silver, >scads of flowers everywhere, elaborate centerpieces.

Depends on the style of the wedding!  Egads, what if she just doesn’t have the money for scads of flowers everywhere.  Are the not supposed to have a wedding?  That’s what it sounds like form your post! > Tux:  $60 >    What about the groomsmen?  You surely didn’t get five or six tuxes >for that little.  And not everyone rents the tuxes; some buy them.

Maybe there weren’t any groomsmen.  They’re not a requirement, you know. > Cake:    $160 >    Again, some people want more than just a tasty confection, they want >one that hsas style and elegance and creativity.

Our cake cost $150.  It was excellent (taste-wise) and very beautiful wiht a basketweave design and lots of fresh flowers.  It was made and decorated by a friend who has a home cake decorating business. >    We did a wedding last month for a couple who were both really into >fly fishing.  Their cake had a topper that was two rainbow trout done >in glass.  They had a candy stream flowing down from the top, connecting >the layers.  

So what, this couple was supposed to take out a loan or something to pay for the most elaborate cake possible.  I don’t think so. > Flowers:    $400 >    Some people want every bridesmaid to hold a beautiful, elaborate >bouquet, some want to use flowers that are not the ones in season >(those tend to be more successful).

What the hell!  Beautiful elaborate, in season bouquets can be had for $400.  Why do flowers have to be out of season to be more successful. Just seems like an excuse to spend more money there. > That’s $3152….now there are odds and ends that I haven’t added but > it in no way adds up to 10-30K!!!  GEEZ!  And in no way are we > skimping at all! >    Although I didn’t see a DJ or band listed there, for the reception. >Nor did I see a videographer, nor did I see a listing for beer, wine >and liquor.  Where was the soloists fee for the ceremony?  Musicians? >I didn’t see a fee for rental of arches, candelabras, or any of the >usual ceremony accoutrements.

It depends where they are getting married, of course.  We didn’t need any of the ‘usual ceremony accoutrements’ because our location was so incredibly beautiful it didn’t need any embellishment.  Maybe they don’t drink so they chose not to serve alcohal.  We didn’t have a soloist or musicians, because it wasn’t important to us.  Guess our wedding was definitely sub-standard then. >    However, for some people, skimping can also mean paying as little >for a service or item as possible, going the cheapest possible route, >doing without any unnecessay frills.  Skimping can mean sacrificing >quality to keep the budget down.

And it doesn’t sound like the poster has done that.  she has gotten the best quality services for her budget.  And there is nothing wrong with that at all.  If she were to have a wedding like you seem to imply that we all must have, she probably couldn’t afford it.  I ask you again, does this mean she shouldn’t even have a wedding? Carrie

Response:

> > Hi all: > any sane person pay THAT much????

You’re planning for April 8, and you already have such a detailed budget?  Well, I’d be impressed if I knew how much of this you actually have settled and paid.  I might be more or less impressed depending on where you are living. I guess this point has already been made, but people’s definition of "skimping" differ tremendously.  For example, while you may be happy serving sandwiches and macaroni at your reception, and having balloon centerpieces, I would be embarassed.  We all have different senses of taste and style… Here’s the cost run-down of my wedding in the Boston area. Church and reception hall – $350 (this could be defined as "skimping" – I didn’t want to pay thousands of dollars for a beautiful historic mansion when I attend a beautiful modern church with an english chapel that would easily accomodate our reception) Officiant – $100 Wedding gown – $540 (I’ll admit I got a great deal on the gown b/c my MOH won a $300 discount, plus it was 20% off original price.   Otherwise, we were looking at $800 for the dress + $200 in alterations) Photographer – $795 for 5 hrs coverage + some enlargements + negatives videographer – we decided we couldn’t afford a professional videographer who would have cost at least $1000 invites – $200 (Matt’s parents got the stamps for us) centerpieces – ?? at least $60 not including flowers – we bought 11 small round bowls and 3 rectangular vases from Crate and Barrel to fill with flowers for the centerpieces flowers – ?? Matt’s aunt who is a florist did the flowers so all we had to pay was the wholesale price of the flowers, but I don’t know what that was b/c his parents paid the bill (a nice surprise) reception food (for 125 guests inclu. cake) – $3570 we had hot and cold hors d’oeuvres (both passed and stationary) with an asian theme – coconut chicken w/ pineapple salsa, thai duck satay, scallops wrapped in bacon, thai crab rolls, california rolls, vietnamese spring rolls, etc. – yummy! reception drinks – $100 (we bought soda, water and juice at Costco) tux – $75 (including a discount for the free tux for the groom) rings – $200 (not including engraving) musicians – $400 Our friend composed an original piece for our processional for flute, oboe and piano, and we had a soloist sing.  Also some friends provided background music for the reception (piano). gifts for attendants (6) – $180 shoes for the bride and groom (well, Matt needed a new pair for work anyway) – $240 make-up, hair, etc. – approx $200 veil – $10 (heh – made it myself!) hotel rooms for Friday night – $170 misc. – $150 (ie part of cost for BM dresses, disposable cameras) Umm… that’s all I can think of… I think it all adds up to around $7500, and I think that’s pretty darn good for what we had and where we had it… we had quite a bit of good fortune in finding a great photographer who does custom packages, the dress discount, etc, but I did quite a bit of work to keep the costs down. I consider myself to be a sane, rational person who does not enjoy throwing money around, so while I understand your incomprehension at how much money can be spent on a wedding (been there, done that), just wait until you see how many "little" things add up when you’re actually there.   If the cost of living is low, and your tastes are simple, consider yourself lucky that your wedding is not going to cost many thousands of dollars, but don’t judge other people by your standards. Shon and Matt – June 21, 1997 — MIT Department of Biology http://faboo.mit.edu/Shon/home.html

Response:

I wanted to compare our final costs with the original poster, just to see… >To run down our list for 160 guests: >Hall: $125  (we’re doing it all in the hall) > Does your hall rental price include chairs, tables, tablecloths, plates, > dessert plates, silverware, punch bowl with ladle, punch cups, coffee > urn, coffee cups, sugar and creamer, napkins, etc? > You would be surprised how quickly these rental items add up and I did > not see you mention these items anywhere!!!!

        Ours came with all these, because we chose to get married in a         church.  That was one deciding factor, because while we wanted a nice         wedding, we didn’t feel as if we wanted to start out with a big debt in         our hands. >Officiant: $40

        We gave ours $100 because he was a friend, and had to travel. >Wedding gown: $300 >Photographer:$580 (for all day…including engagement photo session)

        Ours was a little more, but it’s beause the studio was also our         videographer.  But it included our engagement, bridal, and post         wedding packages too; 4 copies of the video, and a growing up         video. >Reception: $4-$5 per plate, (includes ham, turkey AND beef sandwiches,

        Ours worked out to about $1.50 a person, no kidding.  You’d be         surprised how much money you save doing things yourself.  And since we’d         been pretty active in our church, all the cute little church ladies         volunteered to help make the food. If anyone wants to know out menu,         and how much we spent total, just ask. >potato salad, macaroni salad,  veggie trays and cheese trays and punch. >Decorations: $128  (professionally done, including balloon bouquets, >balloon arch, centerpieces, paddle balloon setup for cards, etc….. >Invites and responses:  $159 > Does this include stamps for both the invitation and the response card? > Tux:  $60 > Cake:    $160 > Flowers:    $400 > Does this include the ceremony as well as the reception area?

        Ours was under $300 now that I look at my book, and includes ceremony,         reception and all personal flowers. > Rings:        $400 > Does this include sizing?

        Our jeweler includes sizing with the cost of the rings. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->That’s $3152….now there are odds and ends that I haven’t added but >it in no way adds up to 10-30K!!!  GEEZ!  And in no way are we skimping >at all! > The "odds and ends" definitely do add up and you would be surprised how > much those "little things" add up to. > Go ahead and flame…*covering head*  but I just don’t understand >…..sure our areas are different, but I still fail to see how ANYONE >could spend that much on a wedding! > There….we’ve said it…..just our .2 worth…. > Julie and Dan > April 4, 1998 > I am sorry about all the clarification questions, but I am *REALLY* > tired of all the people who post to this news group and claim that they > saved so much money on their wedding.  When in truth, they just seem to > leave out things. > Maurien

        Actually, after all the reciepts have been counted, we saved a whole lot of money.  Our entire wedding was under $4000, and everyone we talked to thought we spent more than that.  It depends on how you budget, who you know, and how well you plan in advance.  I had feared a 10K wedding, and did everything I could to prevent it, and never had anyone say things were tacky.  In fact, we’re still getting mail telling us how beautiful things were, and asking who did it.  So, if you play your cards right, you CAN save money.  I’ve been there, done that! Shawna (and Geoff) Simpson

Response:

> Hi all: > any sane person pay THAT much????

The ceremony was for us, and the reception was for the guests. Our families and friends were given everything they possibly could have wanted from a reception. They were completely catered to and nothing was too much to ask for. Butlered hors d’ouveres (sp?!) waiters in tuxedos, all gormet food, top shelf liquor, fresh squeezed juice bar (for before the ceremony) etc. Every little thing was taken care of by the ever present, ever-capable banquet manager. It really was, and this is from the guests, like a dream. Oh, how about the beautiful suite of rooms we were given for the day with juice, champagne, soda, fruit, cheese and cracker trays? When you pay a lot, you get a lot. And sometimes a little extra. For the services we received, I would have paid double. It was a wonderful day, and all those extra touches had a lot to do with that. In our area, wedding gifts are at about $100 pp (obviously this varies considering the financial position of the guest). We try to cover the cost of the plate. Gifts are usually cash.  If we served them $5 worth of food, there would be some very upset people. It’s just the way things are done here. Oh, and 10K for an entire wedding (encluding *all* the little things) is considered dirt cheap around here! I would have loved to spend less, but we had a very definite idea as to what we wanted, we got it, and it was perfect. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> To run down our list for 160 guests: > Hall:                             $125  (we’re doing it all in the hall) > Officiant                      $40 > Wedding gown:       $300 > Photographer:          $580   (for all day…including engagement photo session) > Reception:                 $4-$5 per plate, (includes ham, turkey AND beef sandwiches, potato salad, > macaroni salad,  veggie trays and cheese trays and punch. > Decorations:             $128  (professionally done, including balloon bouquets, balloon arch, > centerpieces, paddle balloon setup for cards, etc….. > Invites and responses:  $159 > Tux:  $60 > Cake:    $160 > Flowers:    $400 > Rings:        $400 > That’s $3152….now there are odds and ends that I haven’t added but it in no way adds up to > 10-30K!!!  GEEZ!  And in no way are we skimping at all! > Go ahead and flame…*covering head*  but I just don’t understand…..sure our areas are > different, but I still fail to see how ANYONE could spend that much on a wedding! > There….we’ve said it…..just our .2 worth…. > Julie and Dan > April 4, 1998 > — > Kuehl Investigations > Route 3 Box 24 Sparta, WI 54656 > Voice: 608-269-1028  Fax: 608-269-5586 > Webpage: http://www.freeyellow.com/members/jakuehl/index.html > Private Eye International :http://members.tripod.com/~jkuehl/index.html

Response:

        Ok, now I’m in a really defensive mood, because a lot of people seem to be dogging Julie for saving money, and being happy about it. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > To run down our list for 160 guests: > > Hall:                 $125  (we’re doing it all in the hall) >         For a lot of brides, a wedding "hall" is not just a big room. > They want a beautiful building, perhaps one with historic charm. > Around Denver (which is one of the cheaper wedding markets), $125 can > get you maybe an Elks hall, or the local VFW.  For one of the > beautiful > historic mansions, or one of the nicer hotel ballrooms downtown, we’re > talking more like $800-2000 for a standard block of time (6 hours). > How about a whole church for nothing for as many hours as we want.  We > don’t *have* to pay a thing but will be giving a donation.  (It’s the > church I have been going to since I was a baby and Jamie is a member as > well.) >         And bear in mind that "all day" can vary.  I’ve seen a wedding > that > only lasted 4 hours, I’ve seen another that went 16 hours.  Believe > me, > *nobody* is going to rent a hall for 160 people for 16 hours for only > $125! > Bet me.  See above.  We get the whole church!

        We are the same way.. We didn’t have to pay what we did.  We could have given the church $100 and been gone.  We got the church the THURSDAY before the wedding to decorate.  Had it all day Friday, and Saturday for the wedding.  My mom got out of there from cleaning at almost midnight.  That’s almost 48 hours for under $200 dollars.  Then we chose to pay the janitors a little more just for staying late. > > Wedding gown:       $300 >         Again, a lot of brides want a *really* nice wedding dress, > which I > understand can run as much as $1500 for a knock off, or into five > digits for a real designer gown.

I had a BEAUTIFUL wedding dress.  It was a Mori Lee emperial dress.  It was fully beaded, and had a cathedral train.  My cousin spent about $1000 on her dress, and made a joke about how finally someone spent more than her. Total cost for the entire dress and alterations – $400.  So, no, a knock off doesn’t have to cost $1500. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Making ours.  $195 for four adult dresses and two little girl dresses. > And ties for the men.  And then my mom’s and my priceless time for > making them, right? > > Photographer:          $580   (for all day…including engagement > > photo session) >         When we were starting out, we offered a $575 all day coverage. > That was when we were raw and unexperienced.  It is certainly possible > to get photography that cheap in Denver, but to get unlimited coverage > for that amount, you have to go with someone who may well botch the > coverage completely. > So if it’s cheap it’s crappy?  Don’t think so.  For example, I could go > to Olan Mills and get a pretty portrait taken for my birthday picture, > or I could go to Sears in a less stuffy environment and pay an eighth of > the cost and trust me the quality has always been the same.  Most people > couldn’t tell the difference but Olan Mills puts the fact that they took > the picture on every photo.

        I agree.  But this is also regional.  We got a highly reccomended photographer/videographer, and spent less that some people I’ve seen. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > Reception:    $4-$5 per plate, (includes ham, turkey AND beef > > sandwiches, potato salad, macaroni salad,  veggie trays and cheese > > trays and punch. >         Boy, you *do* go all out, don’t you?  Again, a lot of brides > want > the food at their reception to be what you can get at a nice > restaurant, > not a church social. > A little rude here!  She is giving people what she wants to give > people!  I’m sure you’ll think I am Miss Nasty because we’re having > butter mints and peanuts.  Maybe cookies as well.  We’re having a > "drop-in" reception.  Won’t know how many people are coming until they > come!

        Ok, the above comment was really tacky.  Something you might want to concider is regions.  I have never once been to a wedding with a dinner. My best friend’s dad is the regional manager of wal-mart, and had a $10K budget for her wedding. When she told her parents and friends where we live she wanted a dinner, they were appauled.  It’s concidered being snobby to have a dinner here, and I’ve been to 12 weddings in the past 2 years.  But, I have friends up east that if they didn’t have a dinner, some of their relatives wouldn’t come.  It’s all up to you, but don’t be rude because it’s not what you would do.  If some people want a "nice restaurant" type of food, go to a restaurant, that’s what they’re there for. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > Decorations:  $128  (professionally done, including balloon > bouquets, > > balloon arch, centerpieces, paddle balloon setup for cards, etc….. >         Tastes differ.  You like balloons.  Other brides like real > silver, > scads of flowers everywhere, elaborate centerpieces. > If she likes balloons, let her have balloons.  I like candles, so we’re > making them. > > Invites and responses:  $159 >         Just make sure you don’t lick the envelopes to close them… >         (for those who watch Seinfeld) > Yes, I have seen that Seinfeld.  Amusing.  Our invites (no responses) > are coming in under $100 (postage included) because we are making them. > My brother and his wife had left over envelopes from the invites they > made and gave them to us.  And we weren’t planning on licking them. > Tastes too nasty.  A damp cloth works best. > > Tux:  $60 >         What about the groomsmen?  You surely didn’t get five or six > tuxes > for that little.  And not everyone rents the tuxes; some buy them. > Did you ever think the groomsmen are paying for their own or she has no > groomsmen?  We’re not doing tuxes.  Black pants, white shirts, and the > ties we’re making.  Clothes they have already.

        We took the free groom and free father of the bride discount and spread it out to all the guys.  That helped them pay for their own. Geoff has been a groomsmen several times, and has always paid for his own. > > Cake:    $160 >         Again, some people want more than just a tasty confection, > they want > one that hsas style and elegance and creativity.

        Woah. You’re being a real jerk, you know.  Our cake cost, maybe $20.  Why?  Geoff’s mom and sister in law are professional cake decorators.  They have their own business and they volunteered to make ours. It was beautiful, with "elegance and creativity."  Everyone commented on how good the cakes were, and how they hated to eat them because they were so beautiful.  So, you can get a beautiful and delicious cake for cheap.  You don’t know where or how she got it, so don’t tell her it wasn’t nice. > Who’s to say it is not elaborate and creative.  Our cake is absolutely > free.  It is being made as a gift from one of two people.  One has made > dozens of wedding cakes beautifully and the other makes and sells cakes > that are quite elaborate.  Just happens they have both known me all my > life. >    > Flowers:    $400 >         Some people want every bridesmaid to hold a beautiful, > elaborate > bouquet, some want to use flowers that are not the ones in season > (those tend to be more successful). > Successful?  Marriage?  Because of flowers?

        And you can’t get a "beautiful elaborate bouquet" for $400?  We did.  Our bridesmaids carried bouquets of long stem red roses and alstromerias, that were very elegant, and all our flowers totaled to about $300. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->         Some even buy a ton of flowers to use for their decorations. > I very much dislike flowers for the simple reason that I am highly > allergic to all of them!  As is Jamie!  We will be having few flowers > and those will all be fake (and homemade) > > Rings:        $400 >         I believe I hardly need to elaborate on how jewelry can cost a > good > bit more than that… > Ummm…  My engagement ring cost less than that.  It is 18 kt gold (I > did not want anything softer than that) and has a quarter kt diamond in > it.  It is a tiny size so that helped.  On either side of the solitare > there are two gold hearts.  I have had more comments on my ring than > anyone.  Many people have said how beautiful mine was (due to the > hearts) compared to "normal" solitares that are quite boring.  Don’t > even start on "good jewelry has to cost at least two months salary…) > I have had my ring for well over a year and it is still in perfect > condition.  And, by the way, the diamond is the top quality possible. > Also, the wedding rings will be about $100 each.  Why spend more.  Good > quiality can be found for low cost if look hard enough. > > That’s $3152….now there are odds and ends that I haven’t added but > > it in no way adds up to 10-30K!!!  GEEZ!  And in no way are we > > skimping at all! >         Well, if by skimping you mean cutting out of the budget one of > the > usual items, then no, you’re not skimping. >         Although I didn’t see a DJ or band listed there, for the > reception. > Nor did I see a videographer, nor did I see a listing for beer, wine > and liquor.  Where was the soloists fee for the ceremony?  Musicians? > I didn’t see a fee for rental of arches, candelabras, or any of the > usual ceremony accoutrements. > Umm… Perhaps there will be none of these.  And she will be having an > arch.  A balloon arch.  I have never seen a candelabra at a wedding and > I’ve been to a lot.

        Exactly. It’s nice to see that someone has a head on their shoulders.  We don’t dance, it’s against our religion.  Nor do we drink.   Our soloists were friends and myself.  They did it for free, because they asked us not to pay.  Oour candelabras were in the cost of

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Response:

<<<Go ahead and flame…*covering head*  but I just don’t understand…..sure our areas are different, but I still fail to see how ANYONE could spend that much on a wedding!>>> I agree with many of the other responses to this post that mentioned regoinal differences, and a lot of things you haven’t listed (maybe you’re not doing them, maybe you haven’t accounted for them yet). I’d also like to point out that the people talking about how cheaply they’re managing their weddings are almost always well beyond six months ahead of the wedding date. I want to see someone AFTER their wedding (and I mean a full-blown wedding and reception) boasting these kinds of incredibly inexpensive numbers. Then maybe I’ll become a believer. As this week alone we spent over $300 on last minute wedding expenses (marriage license, ring engraving and cleaning/polishing, dry cleaning, thank you note postage), I have a hard time swallowing this low of a budget will stay true to the end. Mind you, I’m not flaming – more power to you if you can pull it off – I just notice these extremely low budgets always appear from couples who are still well before their wedding date. Laurissa (& Aaron, 7/11/97 – who live in a really expensive area to begin with, and spent more than expected nonetheless…)

Response:

The Hall  may not be a like a typical party center that most are familiar with these days.  Seems  to me more like a "community center" or "organizational  lodge type meeting place" these type of places rent out very reasonability to people. . Reception food is not a buffet or sit down dinner. The memu mentioned is simple  Not a full meal where your serving meat/pototoe/vegetable etc.   Doesn’t  sound like acholal is being served, which adds to cost of a reception. Just my observations  8>) Becky

Response:

Hi all: any sane person pay THAT much???? To run down our list for 160 guests: Hall:                             $125  (we’re doing it all in the hall) Officiant                      $40 Wedding gown:       $300 Photographer:          $580   (for all day…including engagement photo session) Reception:                 $4-$5 per plate, (includes ham, turkey AND beef sandwiches, potato salad, macaroni salad,  veggie trays and cheese trays and punch. Decorations:             $128  (professionally done, including balloon bouquets, balloon arch, centerpieces, paddle balloon setup for cards, etc….. Invites and responses:  $159 Tux:  $60 Cake:    $160 Flowers:    $400 Rings:        $400 That’s $3152….now there are odds and ends that I haven’t added but it in no way adds up to 10-30K!!!  GEEZ!  And in no way are we skimping at all! Go ahead and flame…*covering head*  but I just don’t understand…..sure our areas are different, but I still fail to see how ANYONE could spend that much on a wedding! There….we’ve said it…..just our .2 worth…. Julie and Dan April 4, 1998 — Kuehl Investigations Route 3 Box 24 Sparta, WI 54656 Voice: 608-269-1028  Fax: 608-269-5586 Webpage: http://www.freeyellow.com/members/jakuehl/index.html Private Eye International :http://members.tripod.com/~jkuehl/index.html

Response:

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