Wedding Rings

Question for already marrieds…

Question:

>what i propose is to start something akin to 1-800-DENTIST where you could >call in to ask for backgrounds on potential wedding vendors in your area.

Two books exist to satisfy this need in the S.F. Bay area: "Here Comes the Guide" and "By Recommendation Only" (SF and Peninsula versions).  "Here Comes…" lists unusual and interesting wedding locations and has a small list of photographers, officiants, etc. "By Rec…" is more focused on vendors. My impression is that the author of "Here Comes…" has made a bundle of money.  She’s on her 3rd edition!  I’m sure a similar book would do well in other parts of the U.S. Sorry, but I don’t have the authors’ names. Joanne — Joanne Spetz                            Department of Economics "Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours."  -R.Bach

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -(Marcy Robb) writes: >> I was just wondering if anyone who has been recently married >> feels strange when the look at the ads for things like Bridal >> Faires and dress sales?   >YES!  I feel so, I don’t know, sad, I guess…like I wish I could do it all >again!  Could explain why I’m posting to alt.wedding when mine was 7 months >ago… >Marcy >Well mine was 6 years ago and I still get that feeling.  I STILL can’t believe >that I’ve been through all the fun of the showers and planning and parties >and the wedding (and honeymoon).  I guess us dreamers just need to have lots >of little girls to live through it all again. >– >NASA Lewis Research Center             (216) 433-6775 >Cleveland, Ohio  44135 >"If you think you can, you can.  If you think you can’t, you’re right!"

For a year or two after my wedding, I complained that I didn’t get enought wedding.  It wasn’t that things went wrong and I wanted to change them.  It was more like wedding planning withdrawal. I sometimes suggest to my husband that we should renew our vows so that we can go through another wedding (and I can make another dress!). (We’ve been married for 7 years) Someday, I may very well become a wedding consultant so I can help to plan other weddings. I still perk up whenever I see wedding things on TV.  If I could come up with a reasonable rationalization, I would probably still subscribe to the bridal magazines.  I think that it’s in the blood. Beth MacKenzie

Response:

> I was just wondering if anyone who has been recently married > feels strange when the look at the ads for things like Bridal > Faires and dress sales?   > I mean, from the time we are little girls we are raised to > plan and hope and dream about that fairy-tale wedding.  Well, > I didn’t get married until I was 31, but we did have the kind of > wedding I had always hoped for.  To me it was THE story-book wedding. > But, now when I see the ads for the Bridal Faires or go by Gown stores > it just feels weird.  I don’t know…like something is missing. > Has anyone else had this feeling?

-sig deleted- YES!  I feel so, I don’t know, sad, I guess…like I wish I could do it all again!  Could explain why I’m posting to alt.wedding when mine was 7 months ago… Marcy

Response:

>> I mean, from the time we are little girls we are raised to > plan and hope and dream about that fairy-tale wedding.  Well, > I didn’t get married until I was 31, but we did have the kind of > wedding I had always hoped for.  To me it was THE story-book wedding. > But, now when I see the ads for the Bridal Faires or go by Gown stores > it just feels weird.  I don’t know…like something is missing. > Has anyone else had this feeling? >YES!  I feel so, I don’t know, sad, I guess…like I wish I could do it all >again!  Could explain why I’m posting to alt.wedding when mine was 7 months >ago…

        I sort of expect to feel substantial post-wedding letdown, especially since we’ve been planning for 2 1/2 years now!  So, when for other reasons we decided to postpone our month in Scotland honeymoon for a year, I was happy.  I think planning our honeymoon together for the year might help give us something to look forward to that’s still part of the wedding. Ericka

Response:

It did feel kind of weird for maybe the first year after I got married that I no longer had a good excuse to plunk down $4 or more on a bridal magazine and look through the pages, though I still look at them sometimes in the store.  Then again, I tell myself that maybe someday I’ll be a bridal gown designer, having done my own gown…Now that we’ve been married a year and almost 10 months, the feeling of weirdness has been slowly passing.  It helps to be thinking of other things like looking for a house and the possibility of having a family that one often does not tend to do until after the wedding.  I also took up counted cross stitch and got more involved in sewing.  This gave me an excuse to buy myself a magazine or two or three every month like I used to when I eagerly awaited the newest issue of Bride’s and the other bridal magazines. One thing that has been very hard for me is to adjust to the fact that a lot of things went wrong on my wedding day and that it was not all I’d hoped for.  As others have pointed out, we women are socialized to look forward to this big day all our early lives.  It is devastating when it doesn’t materialize the way one hopes.  It is *very* frustrating trying to explain this to men and even to women who have been married quite awhile. I am SO tired of saying, "yes, we *did* get married, so in that sense it was successful, but still…"  I’d expected that some things would go wrong, but I never in my wildest nightmares expected so *much* to go wrong and that so much of it would be the fault of *men*.  In some ways, I feel really cheated.  I did my best to make sure the service people understood exactly what I wanted, had them repeat back to me what it was so that there would be no misunderstandings, and *still* a lot of them screwed up. I think that it is terribly unfortunate that we women *are* socialized so heavily to make so much of one day and to expect it to be perfect.  Things go wrong every day of one’s life, but one tends to blow off or not even notice most of them.  On one’s wedding day, this is much harder to do because we’ve been given the silly notion that *any* day can be "perfect." If you look at the toys being advertised on t.v., you’ll see that in some ways, not a whole lot has changed in the last 20 years–boys still play with action toys and girls are shown with glamour-doll toys, including wedding gowns for dolls.  If I have children, I definitely plan to let my kids play with all sorts of toys. Although many people might disagree with me, and even though women have made some great inroads into better jobs with better pay and recognition, some parts of society still act like the only time that a woman is allowed to bask in the glow of her own specialness without apology or mis-placed modesty is on her wedding day.  Otherwise, too many tongues wag about "oh, she’s trying to grasp power," or "the demise of the family and moral values is the result of women not staying at home to take care of the kids," etc. etc. etc. I really want to have other great days in my life to look forward to. –Nancy Reynolds

Response:

>… the *wedding industry* which is a real RIPOFF.

Oh, no question about that.  However: >The florist’s now sell Unity candles which have NOTHING >to do with any Christian or Jewish ceremony….

So?  Who said everyone has a Christian or Jewish ceremony? Ours is being performed by a friend who’s a pagan priestess. —                    __

Response:

>situation of how women are looked upon, but rather the pressure that >the bride (and groom) experience from the *wedding industry* which is a >real RIPOFF.  The florist’s now sell Unity candles which have NOTHING > {stuff deleted}

what i propose is to start something akin to 1-800-DENTIST where you could call in to ask for backgrounds on potential wedding vendors in your area. along with the info you also would get satisfaction ratings, and in return you would have to give satisfaction ratings on all vendors after your wedding. i guess you could just call the better biz bureau???  i’m just thinking about how WE could make some money off weddings.  oh oh!  i’m becoming just like the industry… — mail: po box 9483, stanford, ca 94309     tel: 415-497-9425

Response:

I guess a major reason I read and post in this group is that it makes me feel useful.  Having "been through it", I have experience that I hope will be helpful to other people, and I enjoy sharing it.   I do have a life, but I find discussing this stuff fun, even though my wedding was three years ago. — I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then — Alice in Wonderland

Response:

To Nancy Reynolds – I am now going through plans for my daugher’s wedding which is in July.  I don’t think the problems (whatever they were) that you experienced on your wedding day is so much the situation of how women are looked upon, but rather the pressure that the bride (and groom) experience from the *wedding industry* which is a real RIPOFF.  The florist’s now sell Unity candles which have NOTHING to do with any Christian or Jewish ceremony….and on and on it goes.  We are trying to stay calm and be sensible, but I know it isn’t easy.  I don’t expect my daughter’s day to be ‘perfect’, but I hope it will be close to it.  I’d love to have the time to write an expose on the wedding industry.  J. Austin

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I was just wondering if anyone who has been recently married > feels strange when the look at the ads for things like Bridal > Faires and dress sales?   > I mean, from the time we are little girls we are raised to > plan and hope and dream about that fairy-tale wedding.  Well, > I didn’t get married until I was 31, but we did have the kind of > wedding I had always hoped for.  To me it was THE story-book wedding. > But, now when I see the ads for the Bridal Faires or go by Gown stores > it just feels weird.  I don’t know…like something is missing. > Has anyone else had this feeling? >-sig deleted- >YES!  I feel so, I don’t know, sad, I guess…like I wish I could do it all >again!  Could explain why I’m posting to alt.wedding when mine was 7 months >ago… >Marcy

Well mine was 6 years ago and I still get that feeling.  I STILL can’t believe that I’ve been through all the fun of the showers and planning and parties and the wedding (and honeymoon).  I guess us dreamers just need to have lots of little girls to live through it all again. — NASA Lewis Research Center             (216) 433-6775 Cleveland, Ohio  44135 "If you think you can, you can.  If you think you can’t, you’re right!"

Response:

I was just wondering if anyone who has been recently married feels strange when the look at the ads for things like Bridal Faires and dress sales?   I mean, from the time we are little girls we are raised to plan and hope and dream about that fairy-tale wedding.  Well, I didn’t get married until I was 31, but we did have the kind of wedding I had always hoped for.  To me it was THE story-book wedding. But, now when I see the ads for the Bridal Faires or go by Gown stores it just feels weird.  I don’t know…like something is missing. Has anyone else had this feeling? — Look into my eyes, you will see what you mean to me.  Search your heart, search your soul, and when you find me there you’ll search no more.  Don’t tell me it’s not worth trying for.  You can’t tell me it’s not worth dying for.  You know it’s true, everything I do, I do it for YOU!!

Response:

Filed under: Diamond Wedding Ring